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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not giving DP lift to work?

32 replies

undertheseaweed · 28/01/2023 07:45

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I do feel it!

DP sold his car and bought a £400 bike (without telling me, it just appeared in our house) saying that he would cycle to work. Now it's cold and he doesn't want to cycle. Or it's wet and he doesn't want to cycle. Or he's tired. Or insert any excuse. AIBU to say to driving him? We have a 7 month old, and quite frankly I can't be bothered. But I'm such a people pleaser I feel bad for not doing it?

OP posts:
meltingmyhead · 28/01/2023 07:47

YANBU!

Shoxfordian · 28/01/2023 07:47

Why can’t he drive himself? Does he often make decisions like that without any discussion?

lifeinthehills · 28/01/2023 07:48

I often dropped my husband when I had one baby that age. It was 10-15 minutes away though. Now, it would be difficult. Why did he sell his car? Financial difficulties? I think you can probably find a balance if it's not very far away. Whether it's realistic is very circumstance based. Life has changed, he now works an hour away in one direction, so I couldn't do it now.

Sirzy · 28/01/2023 07:48

Yanbu. He should have thought about it before selling his car.

Eleganz · 28/01/2023 07:49

How long is the drive and how regularly is he asking?

Youremyshininglight · 28/01/2023 07:53

If it wasn't too far I'd give him one free pass a week, he can check the weather and choose a day.

Aprilx · 28/01/2023 07:54

I would expect a discussion with DH before either of us did something like that. But that aside, he hasn’t done a bad thing in swapping a car for a bicycle and personally I would not begrudge my husband a lift when it is cold and wet.

RewildingAmbridge · 28/01/2023 07:55

DH got rid of his car for a bike as we are now both based in the same office building about a mile and a half away. We don't however work the same days or hours all of the time. If I can I drop him off it's saving us money as a family to have one car and we don't need two most of the time. He cycles unless it's really chucking it down.
How far away is his work? Yesterday I put a sweatshirt and trainers over my pyjamas ds similar , it only takes 15 minutes round trip

Alexandernevermind · 28/01/2023 07:56

If he sold his car because you have gone down to one income whilst you are on maternity leave, then he is probably being sensible. He didn't leave you at home without a car, which would have made your life difficult with a baby, so giving him a lift occasionally when it's cold or wet is reasonable.

MudLady · 28/01/2023 07:59

So he's sold an item that he found essential, to fund what is basically a hobby? I'd be reminding him that he had a car, & if he isn't going to use the bike then perhaps he'd find it more convenient to sell it & buy a car?

MudLady · 28/01/2023 08:00

What were his reasons for selling the car, OP?

SpookyBlackCat · 28/01/2023 08:00

I also wonder how far it is and how long it takes.

For the sake of a 10-minute drop off to save the money of having a second car, it's probably worth it. 40 minutes in heavy traffic every morning and evening would make me very unhappy though.

Are you on maternity leave? Will you go back to work?

He should have discussed it with you first though.

Rainbowqueeen · 28/01/2023 08:03

Depends what he did with the money from the car and how your finances are split for me. If you have separate finances and are solely responsible for the costs of your car, even while on mat leave I’d be very reluctant.

Is there public transport he can take, at least partway? And what’s his plan when you go back to work? And now does he plan to do his share of nursery pick ups and drop offs?

Ylvamoon · 28/01/2023 08:04

I think you should give him a lift when it's wet / icy. Or let him use the car on these days.
Cycling is great, but some weather conditions are just too dangerous.

We had one car for years and shared. It did save a lot of money while the DC were little- so keep this in mind.

lifeinthehills · 28/01/2023 08:05

The reason I gave my DH a lift (when we had one car) was so I could have the car for the day. But again, it was only a 10-15 minute easy drive. Now, it wouldn't be possible and he'd have to sort something else out. The demands and needs of life have changed a lot since I had just one little baby.

vivainsomnia · 28/01/2023 08:05

It depends why he sold the car. If he used the profits for himself (above the £400 for the bike) then fair enough to say no.

If he sold it because the family couldn't afford the cost of a second car and you being on maternity longer or not going to work etc ... so in essence he did it to benefit the whole family, then you definitely should, especially as you benefit from the full use of the other car.

rogueone · 28/01/2023 08:07

Tell him to cycle - he made the decision to get rid of his car without discussion and purchase a bike. He can own that decision- why should you be inconvenienced by his choices. Tell him to sell the bike and get a car - and no I wouldn’t be giving him lifts

KangarooKenny · 28/01/2023 08:08

He’s made his choice so he gets on with it.

Blanca87 · 28/01/2023 08:09

You have a baby and he decided to sell
the car without telling you??????? Nah fuck him, he made his bed.

Palmface · 28/01/2023 08:10

If he sold the car in a bid to get fit on his bike, he really should have discussed with you first. He kind of needs to live with his decision or find a way that doesn't impact your life too much - you didn't agree to this! I give dh a lift to/from the station if he needs it every now and then if it's raining or he's late, but it's a 10 min round trip so not an issue. And he otherwise walks, which was the arrangement. Now we have 3 kids including a 3mo he's only asked once and it wasn't possible with whatever else was going on. He wasn't annoyed as he knew it was an ask.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 28/01/2023 08:13

Nope - he made his bed, he can lie in it (or cycle in it).

If he can't be arsed to cycle to work anymore he'll need to sell the bike and buy himself another car 🤷🏻‍♀️

WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody · 28/01/2023 08:20

Nowhere near enough context to say.

workiskillingme · 28/01/2023 08:23

MudLady · 28/01/2023 07:59

So he's sold an item that he found essential, to fund what is basically a hobby? I'd be reminding him that he had a car, & if he isn't going to use the bike then perhaps he'd find it more convenient to sell it & buy a car?

You've made that up though you've absolutely no reason to think he sold it just to indulge his hobby

rothbury · 28/01/2023 08:53

YANBU

His choice so he cracks on with it.

Chilliee · 28/01/2023 09:05

Dis he sell the car as it was too expensive to run whilst you were on maternity leave?

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