Boy breaks grandmother's arm by accident

[Nimbostratus100]

I am not going to say what happened next and what I think until I have heard a few objective opinions on here

The facts of the case

12 year old boy in sports club, leaving the main entrance on his skateboard, which he has been told is not allowed in the building, knocks over the grandmother coming to collect another child. The grandmother has a broken arm and needed an operation

This is a fairly elite sports club, you need to be able to play to a certain standard to by allowed to join. This boy has played there for a year. No serious trouble, several minor reprimands. Reasonably good player. Turns up for the team probably 80-90% of the time.

This happened last weekend. The sports club is meeting tomorrow. The parents have just heard that this boy has/has not been expelled and will/will not be there.

What do you think should happen? why?

I am allocating the voting by a toss of a coin to be random!

YABU - the boy should be expelled
YANBU - the boy should not be expelled

also, what else should happen, as well as/ instead of being expelled?

Thank you

Just re-read your post - apologies, I misunderstood. Yes, I don’t understand this either. A lot of posters are effectively saying that people are ‘cancelling’ this boy by expelling him from the club, but they have no problem with cancelling the protestors and interfering with free speech.

Glad he wasn’t expelled. He’s 12, it was an accident. No intention to hurt and yes, he did obey the rule (as most of us do at one point or another despite knowing the possible consequences) and on this occasion it went badly. Therefore I would expect him to miss out on some sessions or have to sit on the sidelines and help out rather than play. But not be expelled.

I have a son a little younger than that boy. Football is life to him. He lives for his football sessions, it’s all he talks about. I hope he’d listen and not use a skateboard when told not to (he’s never been interested in them anyway) but kids aren’t perfect and I couldn’t imagine the impact on him if he was expelled for a mistake, albeit a big one. But I know he would be devastated, incredibly upset and sad. I expect/would hope the child if he’s a decent child, is already feeling pretty rubbish for causing the accident. And I expect he already knows the club are disappointed in his behaviour and that’s one of the worst things to know someone feels about you imo.

disobey

You’re the one who started moaning about cancel culture, whilst being entirely on board with a child being permanently excluded and expressing support for the mooted protests calling for that.

I don’t tend to decry ‘cancel culture’, because I think it’s a simplistic buzzword thrown around by the hard of thinking.

I have, however, used it in this specific context to highlight your hypocrisy.

Yes I did. And it was quite deliberate. Because race does not appear to be the issue here. And I didn't want to derail the thread by allowing some gammon to leap all over that particular aspect when it's not about that.

It is about a child. Not a teenager. A child. Being hounded out of a club by parents of other kids, who dislike him because of his background. And by extremely judgmental internet posters making a whole bunch of assumptions about that child, his motives, and ascribing culpability based purely on those prejudices. Makes me absolutely sick.

And rightly so, because that one occasion resulted in serious injury for someone. Had he not ignored the safety rules on that one occasion, it wouldn’t have happened. I think the poster was referring to the occasions he was reprimanded for arguing with the referee on the pitch, which although it’s not the same thing, does demonstrate an unwillingness to accept authority, which did play a part in the accident otherwise he wouldn’t have been back on the skateboard after being told not to ride it inside the building.

I’m 53 and keep an active lifestyle. Two years ago had a surgery which involved the breaking of a bone & I’m still healing and have stiffness, pain, limited movement, etc. You won’t know for certain unless it actually happens to you. The OP stated that the grandmother in question is probably a decade older than you.

Yes, every single poster appears in agreement that there should be a punishment, I don’t know why you keep seeming to suggest otherwise.

Out of interest, how do you perceive the boys ‘unwillingness to accept authority’ as being different from the would-be protestors, who will not accept the sport’s club’s decision making authority when it comes to selecting an appropriate punishment for one of their members?

You seem very against ‘cancel culture’ and ‘questioning authority’, except where it aligns with your personal opinions.

I still wouldn’t want a child thrown out of an activity which is likely a stabilising effect on his life and could possibly keep him out of serious trouble.

ok so my life is affected for the worse. But no need to take away a positive influence away from a child so he may end up causing other people harm.

I had an accident when I was young. I sustained a fairly serious injury. However I did not blame the person who caused it, it was a second of misjudgement. She was punished appropriately and then should be allowed to move on.

tbh, i would much rather be the “victim”
than the person who caused an accident. Physical injury I can cope with, the mental torture of knowing my own stupidity cause someone long term pain not so much.

I didn’t say I was on board with him being permanently excluded. I was against those who were trying to excuse what he’d done - one or two of whom were actually blaming the victim. I have said repeatedly that the punishment should be something to make him understand that actions have consequences and that he can’t pick and choose which rules he obeys and which ones he ignores. And it isn’t ‘hard of thinking’ to be concerned that the same people who are criticising others for effectively ‘cancelling’ this boy by advocating his expulsion, are advocating doing exactly the same thing to the group of parents who are protesting.

Yes, every single poster appears in agreement that there should be a punishment, I don’t know why you keep seeming to suggest otherwise.

Where have I suggested otherwise ?

updating, because I always want to know what happens next myself, when I have got involved in a thread. But there is not much to report

The boy was there today, he took some encouraging to come in, he is doing a punishment along the lines that have been suggested in the thread. He is very subdued. He no longer owns a skateboard.

A couple of the whatsapp parents who said they were going to boycott, did in fact boycott, and their absence was just ignored. One family pointedly walked out and went home having seen the boy there, and they were ignored too. If there was any other hostility, I didnt see it

The grandmother is out of hospital, and the grandson was there today, playing as normal. I do want to know how is grandmother is, but didn't want to question him, so no doubt I will hear in the fullness of time

You posted, back on page 9.

”Actions have consequences and at 12 he’s old enough to understand that. A letter of apology is easy, so is making him clean the entrance for a month. Banning him completely takes away something of value to him and sends the message that what he did was unacceptable, so he has to suffer the consequences, just as his victim does.”

and have persistently argued with anyone who seems to think anything short of permanent expulsion would be appropriate.

I’ve only been able to spot one poster in this thread who seemed to raise the possibility that the woman may be partially at fault, and that was ~10 pages ago.

If your argument isn’t that he should be excluded, then it’s hard to work out what point you’re trying to make, particularly in the context of a thread which is solely about whether permanent expulsion is proportionate or not.

Yes I did. And it was quite deliberate. Because race does not appear to be the issue here

why deliberately assume those involved are white?

Using the names of non-white actors would not make race “the issue here”.

seems ironic to post about bias and then suggest only white actors, thus demonstrating bias!

Go on then ... which three non-white child actors in blockbuster films that everyone knows without having to think too hard would you have chosen then?

“Agree. This attitude seems to be more and more prevalent in society. No one is prepared to take personal responsibility for their actions and there is always a queue of people willing to find any excuse to blame someone other than the person who is actually responsible - in this case the child. Yes, he’s 12, yes he was careless and didn’t actually mean to hurt anyone. And probably, hopefully, he will learn from this experience. But I think the point is that if he had done as he was told in the first place no one would have been hurt. But hey - better to blame the victim for not expecting a skateboard to come at her inside a building, than actually apply a punishment to the child that actually teaches him something.”

A good update all around (well, shame about the boycotters, but at least they’re being ignored).

Heck Mark, this may be the first time I agree with you.

Why are young, non-white actors not getting decent roles and publicity for them? They have the talent. We are off on quite a detour.

Indeed. Lol. TrashyPanda just doesn't like me or the fact that I shone a light on the bigotry, I guess. Don't wanna derail the thread.

Am very happy with the OP's update. And also with the fact that 1,900 people (64%) who voted agreed that it is not unreasonable. Seems like a sane outcome is occurring in real life, too and I'm glad that there are kind people like the OP looking out for kids. Common sense prevails.

I think the last sentence in my post makes it clear that I am for appropriate punishment. And on page 9, I was arguing the merits or otherwise of a letter of apology or being made to clean the entrance to the building, which doesn’t really teach him anything, as opposed to banning him from the club, which does. I may have worded it badly, but I was not advocating for this, I am simply advocating a punishment which is appropriate to the seriousness of the incident, that will actually teach him something, rather than a token gesture.

You also responded to my post, on this page, as follows:

Other poster: “He should be expelled. He obviously can't take a telling and persists in ignoring safety rules and now someone has been seriously injured. He should be expelled and he should lose his skateboard too - He is so badly behaved that he should not be trusted with it.”

Me: “To be clear, he has ignored safety rules on precisely one occasion, and now he is being punished for that.”

You replied:
“And rightly so, because that one occasion resulted in serious injury for someone. Had he not ignored the safety rules on that one occasion, it wouldn’t have happened.”

The ‘and rightly so’ rather implies that there is debate over whether or not the boy should be punished, which there isn’t.

Anyway, although we don’t have particulars of the punishment, it sounds like he’s doing “community service” type work and has had his skateboard permanently taken off him. For me, that seems reasonable, and is more likely to be a productive punishment for a child than a lengthy suspension or expulsion.

Maybe not expelled. But he should be doing hard labour. Shopping for grandma, helping her at home or in the garden. He has to pay for what he did out of stupidity.

he needs to have SOME for of punishment, but expulsion seems a bit extreme. But we are also lacking details that COULD warrant it. How fast was he going? did it happen on a blind turn? I would need to know more than "he was riding his skateboard when he has been told not to.
Based on the information you have given, he should be suspended from the club. Maybe made to sit out for playoff games.

Thanks for the update @Nimbostratus100 glad to hear common sense prevailed. And good on the boy for coming back.

Shocked at the harshness of some of the posts on hear and the reaction of done of the parents. It shows if your face doesn't fit.....

Thank-you @Patineur

That was exactly what I was thinking. The Op states his parents 'don't attend or support him' which is a very unusual stance for interested parents. Even if they do work, like most parents, you'd still expect them to turn up occasionally or even for grandparents to turn up and show a bit of interest.