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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned that my baby is too independent?

51 replies

SheepSaysBaa · 27/01/2023 15:00

My baby is two months old and has been sleeping through the night for several weeks now. Baby is happy to be put down anywhere and will e.g. lie on bed looking around for ages not fussing or crying for me. Makes little eye contact. Very few smiles at me so far. Likes to be cuddled but just doesn’t seem very fussed if put down.

Seeing my friend’s babies upset at being without them for more than a few minutes has me starting to worry that something is wrong for baby to seemingly not need me all that much. Does baby have attachment issues? Am I doing something wrong?

OP posts:
Mayalinaballerina · 27/01/2023 16:07

My son is like this. Only cried as a newborn when he needed feeding. Slept through from 7 weeks, always super chilled and happy. Just not clingy or cuddly really at all!
He's the same at 2, a very sweet, kind, funny little boy and still so calm and chilled.

However, mine has always been very alert, always made great eye contact and smiled a lot. I agree this would be the but that might worry me, having a non clingy baby wouldn't. Perhaps speak to your HV just to check it out?

Nosleepforthismum · 27/01/2023 16:16

My first was exactly the same. I suspect it’s an evolutionary tactic to get you to have another one. He’s now 18 months old and just an absolutely gorgeous, calm and gentle boy. No worries at all with his development and he was a really late smiler (just to put your mind at ease!) I think we were a good three months before getting a smile.

Doowop1919 · 27/01/2023 16:26

All babies are different and you're definitely not doing anything wrong! I'm currently on the post natal ward in a room with another mum. Her little girl and my little boy were both born yesterday. Her little girl sleeps the entire time in the cot... My son will not entertain that at all and only wants to be in my arms or on my chest. They already know what they want from the beginning 😅 it's not your parenting

mindutopia · 27/01/2023 16:27

You either got really lucky or you are just being lulled into a false sense of security. I had a friend with a baby like this. She was the only one in our friend group. Annoyingly, she thought she knew some magic the rest of us didn't and that's why our babies were so awful. And then she had her second and realised she was just very lucky to have it so easy first time around. Make the most of it for these weeks. It's unlikely to stay this easy forever.

Iwantabloodypizza · 27/01/2023 16:46

All of my three were born yelling and didn’t stop 😄

I had a friend whose baby was like yours. He’s always been so chilled and happy.

Mine are all still very intense.

2bazookas · 27/01/2023 17:09

Thank your lucky stars, you've got an old-fashioned totally normal baby behaving like a happy well fed contented baby . Congratulations!
You're clearly doing a very good job of mothering.

Madeintowerhamlets · 27/01/2023 17:16

Honestly OP whatever your baby is doing you worry about it. Mine was the opposite, so unsettled & crying all the time. I also thought she might have autism based on her epic meltdowns as a toddler. Some children do seem to have a more chilled our temperament. You just never know what you’re going to get!

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 27/01/2023 17:38

Aww. A friend of mine had a baby like this and was convinced he hated her. He didn't, obviously!! He was just placid and quite a "serious" baby. He changed and now at 17mos he refuses to sleep all night, loves cuddles, grins at everyone.

LegoGoldenDragon · 27/01/2023 17:43

My second started out like this. Hated skin to skin, was very happy to be put on the floor and jaut watch the world go by. 6 months hit and he turned velcro and stopped sleeping. False sense of security! He is now an utter tornado.

StillMedusa · 27/01/2023 17:51

I had one like that (and several that weren't)
My calm chilled baby grew into a calm , chilled, very affectionate and empathetic child...and into an incredibly competent wonderful woman Smile
Who now has a toddler who is the exact opposite.. total fire cracker Grin

At 8 weeks babies smiles are often still sporadic, and she won't be giggling for a few months (or more, personality dependent) so as long as she is alert and happy... enjoy it!

FWIW my youngest, who has autism, was a miserable baby.. just wailed continuously for the first year and didn't smile til he was 10m old!!!

Sapphire387 · 27/01/2023 17:52

My DD (second baby) was super chilled out like this. She was one of those mythical babies who could be put down and would happily drift off to sleep. I thought people were exaggerating as DS (first born) always wanted to be held.

She's neurotypical, btw. She's always been quite 'self-contained' and is a joy to be around. Also highly intelligent. She's nine now.

Please try not to worry.

Beseen22 · 27/01/2023 18:19

My youngest is like this. His DB was a nightmare baby so I was convinced that my youngest hated me or we didn't have a bond. In reality he is just the easiest little guy. I went in for reduced movements multiple times when once he was earth side he had 3h naps every day...convinced he was just doing that when he was still cooking. Slept through from about 5 weeks old. Happy sitting in his bouncer for hours until he was sitting up/rolling. He's 3 now and still a bit weird, a true introvert, loves his family but cba with anyone else, loves being in the house all day. He's a true delight and we laugh at toddlers at how easy going he is.

WishingMyLifeAway · 27/01/2023 18:58

My DS was the complete opposite. Couldn't be put down AT ALL. Screamed constantly. I used to look jealously on to these content babies who could be popped on the floor or sofa for a moment!

He has ASC and ADHD.

TheOtherBennetSister · 27/01/2023 19:04

A bit of anecdotal data to add to the pot, OP: My youngest was just like this at 2 months. She could reliably be put down for a nap, go to sleep by herself, was happy to lie on her mat or baby bouncer, I often went out in the evenings because she slept happily through to about 2am every night, and would go down for Dad or Aunty!
Aaaaaand then she got to 3 months and unleashed chaos upon us.

BigotSpigot · 27/01/2023 19:05

My child (with very unusually good eye contact as a baby and now) was the opposite of yours... and this is the one with ASD, ADHD. My placid baby is definitely less placid now but still independent in a very good way. Honestly at 2 months it is really far too early to worry, just enjoy the peace!

siroodlesofnoodles · 27/01/2023 19:14

My baby was a chilled, gorgeous potato

Completely oblivious to everyone and everything, especially me. Except at boob time.

Now she's 18m old and normally found trying to acrobat herself off the furniture.

She loves a good cuddle.

Lb603 · 27/01/2023 19:31

My oldest was like this, she just turned two in December and has been the easiest baby. Totally lulled me into a false sense of security 😂
I had baby number 2 in march and he has been an absolute roller coaster. He's brilliant, but absolutely mental....still nowhere near sleeping through the night and into everything.

Enjoy the peace whilst you can 😍

Silvers11 · 27/01/2023 19:34

My daughter, weighing only 6lbs when she was born, so not a big baby, came home from hospital nearly 50 years ago and did NOT want the 10pm feed. I used to wake her for it so that she might sleep through the 2 am feed but NOPE so I gave up trying to wake her at 10 pm. Then at 6 weeks and 2 days old I woke with a start to her crying at 8 am. She had gone RIGHT through the night having gone down around 7. 30 and that was her sleeping all night from then on in

Sounds to me like you have just produced a 'good' baby who is content. Obviously keep an eye on her of course, but almost certainly she is fine. 2 months isn't very old after all.

Make the most of it too - my daughter's little brother nearly 4 years later was the complete opposite. Didn't like to sleep, wanted held all the time. Nightmare scenario. I didn't realise how lucky I was with my daughter until I had my son!!

Judgyjudgy · 27/01/2023 19:37

Cherish it! My DC would sleep and play on his own, I was so lucky compared to the other mums, some of them would have to have their baby on a sling all day. Enjoy it while it lasts! Sing songs and talk to them when you are feeding and doing nappies so they are getting good interaction with you.
DC is still independent now, thriving and achieving all milestone earlier that his peers so no issues here. Runs around like crazy though, so I now miss those times!

Cat1313 · 27/01/2023 20:03

I was like that as a baby and so was my eldest, super calm and generally never cried.
I was never a cuddly child but my eldest definitely is and still is now at 8 years old.
My second is almost 2 months old and is a sweet baby but hates to be put down for too long but I think can be a bit gassy.

Desenia86 · 28/01/2023 07:27

My 3 years old hasn’t slept through the night once and we are so exhausted we literally can’t bring ourselves to have another one which makes me so sad , whenever I hear of babies that sleep through the night straight away I’m amazed . What a completely different experience motherhood must be .

rwalker · 28/01/2023 07:42

Both ours were very content when left didn’t like been picked up nursed or fussed over
we are very laid back and relaxed

no issues at all

enjoy your baby

WingingItFTM · 28/01/2023 12:54

Please don’t worry!
my little boy (now 2.5yrs) has always been very chilled out. Never worried if I left the room and was content in his own company for long(ish!) periods.
he is an absolutely ‘normal’ loving toddler who is very social - he’s just got a calm temperament (much like me and his dad)

I wish I could go back and tell myself not to worry about all the little things I obsessed over!

Emerald237 · 21/03/2023 09:12

How is your little one doing now @WingingItFTM

Emerald237 · 21/03/2023 09:13

I mean @SheepSaysBaa 😅 wrong tag