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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned that my baby is too independent?

51 replies

SheepSaysBaa · 27/01/2023 15:00

My baby is two months old and has been sleeping through the night for several weeks now. Baby is happy to be put down anywhere and will e.g. lie on bed looking around for ages not fussing or crying for me. Makes little eye contact. Very few smiles at me so far. Likes to be cuddled but just doesn’t seem very fussed if put down.

Seeing my friend’s babies upset at being without them for more than a few minutes has me starting to worry that something is wrong for baby to seemingly not need me all that much. Does baby have attachment issues? Am I doing something wrong?

OP posts:
stopbeeping · 27/01/2023 15:02

My middle was like this

The joke was "where's Luca, oh yes he is sitting on the sofa"

😆 he is the most incredible gentle beautiful boy. He is so agreeable and calm. I adore him.
Worried for no reason. Engaged baby on the other hand, he's autistic and has ADD
I'm almost certain and going through pathways

Baby no.3 moans loads but I don't think it's a sign of anything other then she's a moan 🥹

Thehonestbadger · 27/01/2023 15:05

No, you’re not doing anything wrong.

I have an ASD son who is now almost 3 and I did notice some of these behaviours young. However, I must stress deeply and sincerely that 2mo is really really little and it’s doesn’t mean your baby isn’t perfectly normal. There is no ‘normal’ at this age. My perfectly neurotypical DD literally would not keep her tongue inside her head at 2/3 months her tongue was always out and I worried sick something was wrong with her…she was fine.

Not making eye contact and being happy in one’s own company can, in some instances, be a flag for ASD however it’s just something to monitor and keep an eye on as baby grows. I would say my son was around 10 months before we were certain something was a bit amiss.

WindscreenWipe · 27/01/2023 15:05

My DD is like this. But, at about two months, her smiles came in. She smiles a lot, loves cuddles and being spoken to. But, back then, she’d just lay there content as anything and chilling. Now that she smiles more, I can see she gets happier when I come into the room or pick her up or fuss her but before that, it was hard to tell.

You’ve done nothing wrong, there’s nothing wrong with her. Definitely be happy she’s not sad when you need to pee or put on deodorant.

NoKnit · 27/01/2023 15:06

Ha well you are only 2 months in. They are all different. I wouldn't worry. Do report back when he's 2 though as to how things are going then

Exactfare · 27/01/2023 15:13

My middle boy was like this, a happy little potato 😂 didn't even smile until 10 weeks or something

He's 4 absolutely fine and now and ends up in our bed most nights!

Try and enjoy it, I know it's hard! I only appreciated him because my first was such high maintenance! And my 3rd child was also a total velcro baby

Lcb123 · 27/01/2023 15:14

Sounds like a dream - how do I get a child like this!

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 27/01/2023 15:15

That used to be known as a ‘good baby’.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 27/01/2023 15:16

Ime of my ds's was like this. Laid back. Still horizontal at 19!!
Enjoy op.
Your next dc will be a horror!!

FlounderingFruitcake · 27/01/2023 15:21

My eldest was just like this. Slept through at 8 weeks and was was never bothered about being held. She’s actually really social, has loads of friends but is also just really independent. Get ready for lots of let me do it by myself toddler tantrums! By 5 she was great though- puts herself to bed and gets up in the morning by herself and makes cereal and turns on the TV if no one else is up yet!

Itstime1 · 27/01/2023 15:23

My DD was like this till the 9 month regression. We’re almost 11m old and she’s clingy and loves cuddles! Still doesn’t cry much though. Enjoy having a chilled baby x

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 27/01/2023 15:24

Many of my friends’ babies started sleeping through around 2 months. I think it’s more common than you think. People just don’t talk about it as much as they talk about the 1-year-olds torturing them with hourly wake ups!

Keep an eye on things, obviously, but it sounds like you’ve lucked out and have a chill baby. :-) My 3rd was a bit like this and now nearing 2 he has remained a delight.

wishuponastar1988 · 27/01/2023 15:26

Make the most of it. My baby was so chilled and slept great til she hit 15 weeks, she's 5.5 months now and wakes about 15 times per night (that's not even an exaggeration unfortunately) and won't nap anywhere but on me.

SleeplessInEngland · 27/01/2023 15:27

Good lord, count your blessings.

beachcitygirl · 27/01/2023 15:30

My dd was like this. She does have Asperger's but she has been a joy every day of her life. Kind, funny, smart, considerate, helpful and super intelligent.
But your little one is too little to know anything. You're not doing anything wrong ! Try not to worry xx

Original poster
SheepSaysBaa · 27/01/2023 15:45

Thank you all so much. That makes me feel so much better. She does look around, track things, quite enjoys being shown books (ie looking at patterns) and music I think.

But yes ASD is of course something I thought about with just not seeming to need me as much as it seems in my circle other babies do need their mummy. And just that maybe I shouldn’t ‘allow’ her to sleep through and wake her for cuddles or not let her lie on playmat even if happy because I’m somehow messing her up otherwise.

Im glad I posted. Thank you! I will enjoy her chillness while it lasts.

OP posts:
allfurcoatnoknickers · 27/01/2023 15:47

DS was like this - LOVES his sleep. I used to have to wake him up in the night to feed when he was about 8 weeks and he hated it. He was always happy to be put down on his lounger in the living room while I pottered about, used to plonk him on a blanket on the bathroom floor and take looooong showers with no issue at all. He was never fussy, never clingy, he was just super chilled out.

He's 3.5 now and still really, really independent but also a total snuggle bug. He's extremely curious and adventurous - why on earth would he want to cling on to me when there's a whole world out there to get into 😂.

Honestly, I often feel like I won the lottery getting him.

VivaVivaa · 27/01/2023 15:50

Where does one find a baby like this?! Sounds fine OP. Obviously if down the line things start cropping up with development then make a note of everything, but it currently sounds like you have an easy, content baby on your hands!

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2023 15:50

You just have a lovely chilled out baby.

BlisterWives · 27/01/2023 15:52

All my three were like this, slept about 8 hours at 8 weeks and 12 hours at 12 weeks. I just put them in their cot/Moses basket, crib etc and they went off to sleep. I never had sleep regression. Day time naps were easy unless they were at the stage where they were ready to drop them.
I never had to carry them around all day or spend all evening getting them to sleep.
They are all grown up now and completely ‘normal’, happy young adults.

Original poster
SheepSaysBaa · 27/01/2023 15:53

VivaVivaa · 27/01/2023 15:50

Where does one find a baby like this?! Sounds fine OP. Obviously if down the line things start cropping up with development then make a note of everything, but it currently sounds like you have an easy, content baby on your hands!

😂 found it in my uterus 😂
and thank you.

reading the replies I may be an idiot wasting my good luck worrying over nothing

OP posts:
VivaVivaa · 27/01/2023 15:55

SheepSaysBaa · 27/01/2023 15:53

😂 found it in my uterus 😂
and thank you.

reading the replies I may be an idiot wasting my good luck worrying over nothing

Show quote history

Ahh you are not an idiot at all! It’s so hard when you are a FTM to know what’s ‘normal’ and what isn’t, especially if your friends have more unsettled babies. It’s always worth asking. In the meantime can your uterus have a word with mine please 😂

4thonthe4th · 27/01/2023 15:56

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 27/01/2023 15:15

That used to be known as a ‘good baby’.

I don’t know…. No smiles, shows little to no interest in their surroundings, no eye contact….

I wouldn’t be too sure this is a “good baby”

Hope your baby is ok OP but I would probably be a bit worried about this.
FWIW; one of mine was a very “good” or “chilled” baby but was very alert, engaged & loved interaction. This doesn’t seem the case for yours.

Goldi321 · 27/01/2023 15:56

Mine was like this at 2 months then turned into a baby who wakes every 2 hours and is very clingy- enjoy it while it lasts!

Original poster
SheepSaysBaa · 27/01/2023 16:02

4thonthe4th · 27/01/2023 15:56

I don’t know…. No smiles, shows little to no interest in their surroundings, no eye contact….

I wouldn’t be too sure this is a “good baby”

Hope your baby is ok OP but I would probably be a bit worried about this.
FWIW; one of mine was a very “good” or “chilled” baby but was very alert, engaged & loved interaction. This doesn’t seem the case for yours.

Show quote history

Sorry I didn’t mean to make it sound like she doesn’t look around or smile or anything. She does. Looks around and watches everything happening. And does smile and for around a week or so even smiling looking directly at me but only maybe twice a day or so. Not sitting there giggling at me and gazing into my eyes while feeding or anything. Though does make eye contact for briefer periods.

OP posts:
Pipsickl · 27/01/2023 16:07

I wanted to say like some of the others on here, my little boy was just like this, barely cried, just went to sleep etc

he is 2 now, really sweet natured child who loves cuddles, he is so calm compared to other 2 year olds, and is just a joy. My husband is very calm so I assume it’s from him. There is no sign at all of anything amiss, he seems like a clever and happy little boy.

I had the best baby experience with him and I think often of all the lovely nights he slept in his next to me cot (me, awake, expressing milk, him snoozing away! 🤣🤣)