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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact the school over this?

28 replies

Username721 · 26/01/2023 19:31

Not sure if I’m being a bit much!

We were eating dinner earlier and one of my DSC mentioned that they were worried about their friend at school.

Apparently this friend takes a packed lunch and every day this week, has just binned their entire lunch. The most they’ve eaten is one single bite of a sandwich before wrapping it back up and throwing it away. My DSC tells me that when it was pointed out to the child that they should eat their lunch (by another child), the kid reacted angrily, swore at them and walked off.

I checked and it seems the boy doesn’t eat at snack time either, so is apparently having no food all day.

I was really taken aback by my DSC comment about worrying; it’s not like them at all. Usually their only worries relate to Fortnite.

Should I just keep out of it? Email the school and tell them what I was told?

I don’t want to be that parent, equally if it were my child I’d want to know.

OP posts:
DelisButAlsoCrime · 26/01/2023 19:32

I think age is really relevant here for the most useful responses.

Upsidedownagain · 26/01/2023 19:33

Maybe just let the school know, though it's likely they already do if the child reacts angrily. A school can also encourage a child to eat, not force them.

RedRobyn2021 · 26/01/2023 19:35

You should definitely tell the school

That's so sad

I don't agree with the age being relevant, they're a child, it doesn't matter if their 8 or 16

Upsidedownagain · 26/01/2023 19:35

PS the school won't 'out' you as an interfering nosy-parker! It's ok to tell them if something worries you about another child's welfare.

StubbleAndSqueak · 26/01/2023 19:36

I'd ring the school to inform them

ColdwarKatherine · 26/01/2023 19:40

Let the head of year know (if secondary) or class teacher. It may be important as it may be part of a bullying, eating disorder, complications at home; or it may be nothing.
You don’t need to know whether it’s important or not but I do think it’s worth telling the school.

Original poster
Username721 · 26/01/2023 19:41

Ah sorry! I thought I included the age.

They’re all 11 and 12 years old.

OP posts:
freez · 26/01/2023 19:44

I think always sharing this sort of info with the school is best. You don't know what the school already knows. Your info might be a missing puzzle piece or the straw that breaks the camels back and forces some action on their part.

A quick phonecall to the safeguarding person is all it takes.

Desertbarncat · 26/01/2023 19:46

Not something I would call the school over, he has food, so isn’t being starved. If a kid is hungry they will eat. If the child had no access to food, that would obviously be a very different thing.

Ludo19 · 26/01/2023 19:48

Are you fearful that the child in question may have an eating disorder OP?

I'd inform the school who in turn could inform their parent of their concerns over lunchtime habits.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 26/01/2023 19:49

Desertbarncat · 26/01/2023 19:46

Not something I would call the school over, he has food, so isn’t being starved. If a kid is hungry they will eat. If the child had no access to food, that would obviously be a very different thing.

They could have an eating disorder though?

freez · 26/01/2023 19:50

Desertbarncat · 26/01/2023 19:46

Not something I would call the school over, he has food, so isn’t being starved. If a kid is hungry they will eat. If the child had no access to food, that would obviously be a very different thing.

It's probably nothing but still worth a call just in case. IMO

Rinoachicken · 26/01/2023 19:51

Nothing to be lost by calling and letting them know. They will know what to do next, if anything is needed at all. If nothing amiss then no harm done!

freez · 26/01/2023 19:51

I used to chuck my dinner in the hedge on the way home. I cringe now at the waste and also I didn't even take the clingfilm off. I hated sandwiches and still do.

No eating disorder here but I'd still let school know.

Katekeeprunning · 26/01/2023 19:51

I’d give the school a quick call.

Whyarewehardofthinking · 26/01/2023 19:51

This actually describes one of our year 7s; we have noticed them and are investigating, but if another parent could tell us anything we would appreciate it. When it comes to concerns like this telling the school is better than not.

BuffaloCauliflower · 26/01/2023 19:52

Yes I would definitely drop them an email recounting what you have here, they also may have information about the child you don’t have, but if there is an eating disorder, or even the start of one, the sooner they get help the better.

Original poster
Username721 · 26/01/2023 19:56

@Ludo19 Yeah, the possible eating disorder (or something happening in the background that’s having such an impact as this) was my first concern. I think it’s probably more likely that it’s nothing, but I can’t shake the “you should get in touch with them” feeling. Just in case.

OP posts:
Original poster
Username721 · 26/01/2023 19:57

Thanks everyone. It seems the consensus is clear.

I’ll get in touch with them tomorrow and make them aware. If it’s nothing, great. If it’s something, they’re far better placed than I am to start the ball rolling with some kind of help for the kid.

OP posts:
Skinnyunderneath · 26/01/2023 19:57

This happened to us about 18 months ago. My sons friend had told a teacher that my son chucked his lunch every day and the school got in touch with us. I spoke to my son, he admitted it and said he just didnt like what he was getting and didnt want to say, hes not good at saying what he really wants. Now he has different stuff and all seems ok. I was upset that my son was going without food and I didnt know. I would just let the school know so they can let the parents know.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 26/01/2023 19:59

Yes tell the school, especially because of the angry reaction and the dumping lunch in the bin which sounds like they're trying to hide it from their parents. It could be lots of non worrying things, like sensory issues, simply not liking the food, feeling a bit under the weather all week, or a medication side effect, but it could also be an eating disorder and if that's the case early intervention could make a big difference.

princesssugarless · 26/01/2023 20:06

I'm a secondary head of year. I'd definitely want to know and wouldn't think anything of it. Personally I'd check my safeguarding log for other reports and check in with the student, without too much information.

Quinoawoman · 26/01/2023 20:12

At age 11 or 12, I would expect my child to raise it with a teacher themselves.

Ask your child to raise it, check in a few days to see if they have. If not, the school might appreciate you informing them.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 26/01/2023 20:21

When my DD1 was 15, she was deeply involved in ballet. Her (male) instructor gave her a lead role in the Christmas production, but her male partner could not easily lift her (she was 5'1 and weighed 105 lbs.) The instructor told her to lose 10 pounds before the performance (in two weeks). She stopped eating. She told everyone she "had already eaten" or "would eat after practice" etc. She threw away food that she brought to practice with her.
Another student told her mother. The mother (whom I did not even know) tracked me down through my job and called and told me what was happening.
I immediately confronted the instructor, took her out of the production, and suggested he get stronger male dancers instead of weakening the females!
(Found out later that the two prima ballerinas before my daughter had been driven to anorexia and a nervous collapse.)
Please tell the school. You may prevent something worse.

Hesma · 26/01/2023 20:32

Let school know, it could be a small part of a bigger picture.