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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Judged by Waitrose

429 replies

Prioryfodder · 26/01/2023 14:30

Waitrose would not let me buy alcohol because I was accompanied by my 15-year-old daughter. To explain, just before Christmas, I had bought a basket of groceries and two bottles of Malibu (actually destined for her older brothers Christmas stockings to make long island iced teas, but that's irrelevant IMO). She had briefly handled the bottles to put on the conveyor belt for me. We then waited some time for the cashier to clear. We were clearly together and frankly we are clearly mother and daughter. The cashier (rather smugly) said she would need ID from both of us to sell me the alcohol. I said I was 56 and she 15, but the alcohol was for me. She - and later her manager - asserted that we both had to be over 18, and to prove it. I asked if they would sell it to me if she left the shop. No. Would they sell it to me if she were 6-year-old? Yes, and I was ''not to be so silly'', said the cashier. My daughter feels she was judged as being an underaged drinker, and I feel judged to be a 'bad mother'. Vote: Yes, you are AIBU, you should never shop with your teenage child, you fool. YANBU, FFS at 56 you should be allowed to buy alcohol.
I am expecting a few cracks about buying Malibu and shopping at Waitrose. Please don't disappoint

OP posts:
niugboo · 28/01/2023 07:46

ExasperatedbyJanuary · 26/01/2023 20:59

You only have to ask for ID BY LAW if you believe the purchaser is under18.

But (and I asked this up thread) how can anyone prove what you do or don’t believe ??

You must ask for ID if you believe the customer is under 18 or 25 or whatever. What if you choose to believe they’re of legal age? What a pointless, pointless policy that causes normal, law-abiding people undue hassle, and causes cashiers massive headaches as they tie themselves in knots trying to make sense of this bullshit.

It’s illegal to sell to under 18s. If you do this , it’s a fair cop. That should be it.

@ExasperatedbyJanuary the law doesn’t state believe. It’s just illegal to sell to under 18’s.

turnipash · 28/01/2023 07:51

How bloody inconvenient. Silly rules

user1494050295 · 28/01/2023 07:57

Waitrose on twickenham would go bust if they applied this rule

IhearyouClemFandango · 28/01/2023 08:02

It’s bonkers. One of the assistants in Aldi nigh on shouted at my then 9 yr old for touching a bottle of ale on the conveyor belt, she was just trying to stop it rolling around. Apparently if she touched it we couldn’t buy it. Totally insane interpretation of an otherwise sensible law.

3sthemagicnumber · 28/01/2023 08:02

I had this happen to me recently in Waitrose. Had no idea it was a thing. I was with DD (16) and two of her friends. Bought £100 worth of food shopping and attempted to purchase two bottles of craft beer with it. Couldn't believe it when they wouldn't sell it to me.

I actually think it puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on the people working there. And definitely makes me feel more negative about shopping at Waitrose (which is an occasional treat for us as expensive and not close by).

I'd previously felt quite fond of Waitrose in terms of alcohol purchasing - it was the last place I ever got properly ID'd and refused sale of alcohol. I was 36 and buying two bottles of wine costing £12 each. (Had to send DH in as he had ID with him.) I guess they're very thorough!

ExasperatedbyJanuary · 28/01/2023 08:05

WestBridgewater · 27/01/2023 22:35

They can’t choose not to see what happens. They don’t know whether they are a customer or trading standards (or whoever does mystery shopper test shops) it’s not worth losing your job or being fined for. I went to the supermarket with my DD23 over Christmas and she didn’t have her id on her so I didn’t let her carry the basket or handle the contents of the basket.

Show quote history

Of course they can, as far as anyone could ever know.

Imagine this scenario:

Girl briefly handles bottle. Cashier processes a normal weekly shop for a law-abiding adult who happens to have a daughter with her.

Lunatic busybody (whoever you think is going to have a problem with this) inexplicably decides that having your daughter with you helping you load the conveyor belt = crime.

Manager comes over, and learns what has happened (i.e. nothing) and lunatic busybody says “But, but!! That girl touched the bottle!” Cashier rolls eyes and says “I didn’t see that.” Manager (assuming manager is not also lunatic) says, “Well, this customer is clearly legally purchasing alcohol and there is no evidence of a proxy sale, so wind your neck in lunatic busybody.” No issue.

Your assertion that you can’t choose not see a tiny, momentary action would only stand up if the cashier were obliged to stare constantly at every customer as they unload.

(In case this still isn’t clear, I don’t literally mean ‘choose’, but for all intents and purposes it becomes a choice whether to act on seeing something so inconsequential.)

ExasperatedbyJanuary · 28/01/2023 08:09

Btw my above message was more for @OldFan

DownNative · 28/01/2023 08:09

Prioryfodder · 26/01/2023 14:30

Waitrose would not let me buy alcohol because I was accompanied by my 15-year-old daughter. To explain, just before Christmas, I had bought a basket of groceries and two bottles of Malibu (actually destined for her older brothers Christmas stockings to make long island iced teas, but that's irrelevant IMO). She had briefly handled the bottles to put on the conveyor belt for me. We then waited some time for the cashier to clear. We were clearly together and frankly we are clearly mother and daughter. The cashier (rather smugly) said she would need ID from both of us to sell me the alcohol. I said I was 56 and she 15, but the alcohol was for me. She - and later her manager - asserted that we both had to be over 18, and to prove it. I asked if they would sell it to me if she left the shop. No. Would they sell it to me if she were 6-year-old? Yes, and I was ''not to be so silly'', said the cashier. My daughter feels she was judged as being an underaged drinker, and I feel judged to be a 'bad mother'. Vote: Yes, you are AIBU, you should never shop with your teenage child, you fool. YANBU, FFS at 56 you should be allowed to buy alcohol.
I am expecting a few cracks about buying Malibu and shopping at Waitrose. Please don't disappoint

Sounds like the checkout operator either didn't fully understand what constitutes a proxy sale or they were being a jobsworth.

A teenager shopping with their parents is NOT enough grounds to suspect a proxy sale. If anyone thinks it is, they'd FAIL Tesco's training question on this one.

The manager will have to back up the checkout operator irrespective of their own view on the situation as that will be store policy.

If this was store policy, can you imagine the clusterfuck that'd create for online deliveries?! 🙈

VanGoghsDog · 28/01/2023 08:15

Malibu in long island iced tea?

DorisParchment · 28/01/2023 08:18

I ordered a case of wine to be delivered to my Mum who was well into her 80s at the time. She wasn’t able to produce ID as her passport had expired (the driver said it had to be a current passport) and she didn’t drive. The driver ummed and ahhed for a bit, and called his boss before they both agreed that she could have her “age restricted product.”

Abraxan · 28/01/2023 08:24

momtoboys · 26/01/2023 16:20

Do people really buy their adult children alcohol for gifts?

Why wouldn't they?

One of 20y dd’s ‘stocking fillers’ was a nice bottle of rum and some tiki glasses. She loved it!

ExasperatedbyJanuary · 28/01/2023 08:25

niugboo · 28/01/2023 07:46

@ExasperatedbyJanuary the law doesn’t state believe. It’s just illegal to sell to under 18’s.

Show quote history

Look again at what I said. I was referring to the policies that say you must ask if you believe - and all those posters claiming that cashiers will get in trouble for not asking if they believe this or that, even if the customer turns out to be 47.

I’m well aware that the law is simply that it’s illegal to sell to under 18s! That’s why I’m so exasperated by all the ludicrous over-complicating of a simple law.

WestBridgewater · 28/01/2023 08:36

ExasperatedbyJanuary · 28/01/2023 08:05

Of course they can, as far as anyone could ever know.

Imagine this scenario:

Girl briefly handles bottle. Cashier processes a normal weekly shop for a law-abiding adult who happens to have a daughter with her.

Lunatic busybody (whoever you think is going to have a problem with this) inexplicably decides that having your daughter with you helping you load the conveyor belt = crime.

Manager comes over, and learns what has happened (i.e. nothing) and lunatic busybody says “But, but!! That girl touched the bottle!” Cashier rolls eyes and says “I didn’t see that.” Manager (assuming manager is not also lunatic) says, “Well, this customer is clearly legally purchasing alcohol and there is no evidence of a proxy sale, so wind your neck in lunatic busybody.” No issue.

Your assertion that you can’t choose not see a tiny, momentary action would only stand up if the cashier were obliged to stare constantly at every customer as they unload.

(In case this still isn’t clear, I don’t literally mean ‘choose’, but for all intents and purposes it becomes a choice whether to act on seeing something so inconsequential.)

Show quote history

I understand that they’re seeing something that isn’t really anything but their think 25 training is such that they err on the side of caution rather than use common sense.

I commented further down from my quoted comment that I think it’s being taken too far. I was aware that this happens sometimes which is why I didn’t let my DD23 handle the items we were buying. One of which was for her but as she didn’t have her ID on her I knew it would create a problem. If I’d been asked and honestly replied that one bottle was for DD I wonder would they have just refused the one bottle or all of the alcohol.

Fizbosshoes · 28/01/2023 08:36

I didn't know this rule!
Although I got asked for ID in Waitrose when shopping alone and buying alcohol and I'm 45. 😳

Flossieflamingo · 28/01/2023 08:56

Have never heard of this. I buy alcohol all the time when accompanied by my teenage sons (14 & 16).
I would have told my daughter to go outside and taken them to another till- just to make a point. What an idiotic policy! Totally stupid.

crosspusscrossstitcher · 28/01/2023 08:57

I'm 50 (and unfortunately I look 50) and I got ID'd last week when accompanying my 60yo DH. Confused

I asked for the manager, then the cashier shrugged and said "oh, alright" and carried on.

I never carry ID - what happens if my bag or purse was stolen?

I have bank and credit cards and a wedding ring...I obviously am not under 18 or 50😭 for that matter

ExasperatedbyJanuary · 28/01/2023 09:01

WestBridgewater · 28/01/2023 08:36

I understand that they’re seeing something that isn’t really anything but their think 25 training is such that they err on the side of caution rather than use common sense.

I commented further down from my quoted comment that I think it’s being taken too far. I was aware that this happens sometimes which is why I didn’t let my DD23 handle the items we were buying. One of which was for her but as she didn’t have her ID on her I knew it would create a problem. If I’d been asked and honestly replied that one bottle was for DD I wonder would they have just refused the one bottle or all of the alcohol.

Show quote history

Fair enough. But I’m not sure they should be in this position if they can’t exercise common sense!

Tbh I have never understood this ‘Think 25’ nonsense. The law is 18. Everyone knows it’s 18. Sure, err on the side of caution. That would be using common sense. But to encourage cashiers to challenge people who are clearly well into their 20s or 30s because they could be about 25, but are clearly over the actual key age of 18, is absolutely batshit, and causes all these Monty Python type incidents we’ve heard about on this thread.

NOTANUM · 28/01/2023 09:03

I got excited in Waitrose when told that there was an “alcohol licensing” issue and they had to call the manager. I thought they were going to ID me (definitely middle aged).

It was the cashier who was under 18. Sigh.

I’ve teens and never had this issue in Waitrose. I’m ready for it now!

MrsSilver · 28/01/2023 09:05

YANBU I work for a different supermarket and we would NEVER do this. The cashier is treating this as a ‘Proxy Sale’ whereby someone over the age of 18 is buying alcohol on behalf of someone under age. In order to challenge this sale the cashier would need to have CLEAR EVIDENCE that you were buying it for your daughter such as seeing her hand over the money for you to purchase the alcohol or hear your daughter asking you to buy it for her. At least that is what we are trained to do where I work…

Adviceneeded200 · 28/01/2023 09:12

The supermarkets policy is based on their legal interpretation and as they can be fined heavily, and the lady lose her job, we have to accept these things. It would be interesting to know where the 6.v 15 year old cut off is as that can only be by some degree of guesswork.

Try not to blame the messenger it's the interpretation of the authorities that cause this. They are the ones to moan to.

CavaggiosCat · 28/01/2023 09:15

Haha....you must not be standing next to a teen when doing the supermarket shop?? Should don't walk too close together on the way out the shop be added??
What absolute nonsense......the world is losing its mind. I really want to see how this 'rule' is worded and where.

Moveoverdarlin · 28/01/2023 09:18

This is utterly bonkers.

IntooDepp · 28/01/2023 09:33

Yes unfortunately all retailers have a right to refuse sale of alcohol if they think it may be bought to be consumed by a minor , it is at the shop assistant discretion who they sell it too, it is them who face a criminal record and hefty fine!
The store also gets a huge fine!
Police also randomly send in decoys trying to buy alcohol etc to check you are asking for ID and basically doing the job properly, I recall this happening a lot in the shop I worked in.
Was it a massive inconvenience to you!? Yes probably but not worth the risk for the store or said shop assistant. I used to work in a tesco express and remember the training we had to do regularly

LouisCatorze · 28/01/2023 09:38

We have two youngsters who don't drink alcohol at all so I would be very annoyed if this happened to me.

Unless you're verbally flagging it up (in the queue) that the alcohol is destined for your DD/DS surely it shouldn't be a thing.

So does that mean you can't buy a lot of meds for the same reason? I bet it doesn't?

It does seem petty and really not sure it impacts under age drinking in any meaningful way?

Fingerlessmitts · 28/01/2023 09:44

It doesn't take too much brain power to get around this policy, rendering it utterly pointless. Who thinks up this shit and gets another idiot to approve it.