Feel sad how some of us turned out/our lives turned out

[Nevergotamrfrosty]

I had an amazing time as a teen, typical life in the suburbs in the North. Great school and feel so blessed to have been a teen in the mid nineties and all the craziness that came along with it. Our year group at school was a strong one and we were friends with a couple of years above too. We all had such fun, such a lust for life and I saw us all as having fantastic futures.
I’m now 45, life is obviously very different to back then, but it’s ok.
The last few years have been some sad stories of suicides from people I hung around with and stories of heavy drinking/drug use, mental health problems etc…all previously happy, popular, fun people.
Its just so sad to think of us all
so full of hope then life ruining people as it can.

I was from a northern girls school. We were all encouraged to be highly aspirational. I find it interesting looking back at how our relationships have impacted our lives so badly. We were told we could have it all, child and career, happy marriage etc. Sad to say, It hasnt worked out that way for the majority. Ultimately our children seem to have made us far happier than anything else in our lives.

I know what you mean OP. I also had my teen years in the 90s and it was bloody brilliant! Full of magic and soooo many adventures with a soundtrack of the best music!
Yes, I also know several people who have committed suicide or died through ill health. One thing that has really struck me is the connection between low socioeconomic status and early death/ill health.
I have many middle class female friends who are doing very well, still looking very much like their teenage selves - naturally some are a little heavier with a few more lines but the fact is they are instantly recognisable from their school days.
The group who have suffered the most are undoubtedly the working class men I grew up with. Several suicides, several have died young from disease. Many of those that are alive look like COMPLETELY different people. I wouldn't recognise them. Either obese or too skinny, looking very old before their time, unhealthy lifestyles filed by booze and cigarettes. A couple of them are drug addicts and/or on the streets. It DOES make me incredibly sad when I think of how they were as teenage lads - so full of life, mischief and fun, thinking they were invincible, making plans for the future.
Don't get me wrong - I know many people from working class backgrounds do brilliantly, become CEOs etc. However seeing the lives of my old school mates makes me think we really need to do more to lift people out of poverty. I think all people from a low socio-economic backgrounds need more societal support (not talking benefits here but support to establish healthy lives with good career prospects) but from my observations it's some of the men in particular who have completely lost their way.

Hi Op

Thinking about your thread immediately I am thinking struck by what happened in Bridgend in Wales,

Which hit the news big time, in which Bridgend for a time became notoriety for how many young people 😥 tragically committed suicides,

I thinkI it was In mid 90s

Not sure

The biggest threat to my mortality and happiness was my parents.

My miserable childhood has positively framed every adult experience I have had, because nothing could be as bad.

No one cared or kept me safe so I took lots of risks until I had my own kids and someone to live for.

I enjoyed my 90s teens, but wouldn't go back. Out of my small school year of 60, 3 are dead by suicide, 2 became extremely wealthy in techy area and 2 have served jail time to my knowledge. The rest us are just plodding on with life.

Several from my childhood group died young. I can't imagine it being that different from most really.

Grew up in an affluent area of the South east and a teenager in the late 80s. It wasn't the kids from the estate that went rogue. It was the posh kids that took drugs. I lost several fiends to heroin before I was 20. Some have straightened themselves out and are what you might recognise as MC hippy, others not so much. I don't remember homophobia or any sort bullying, or discrimination. The music was good, the fashion was fun, and Iv'e stayed in touch with a fair few people, but I wouldn't or couldn't go to school reunion. I have been embarrassed more than once when someone knows me, but I haven't had a clue who they were.

When I think back I wonder why we had both angst and hope at the same time. I wrote depressing poems, smoked french fags, stayed out all night, listened to punk music. But friends and I were creative, political, left of centre and being what teenagers should be, rebelling. Now all I see is just the angst but without the poems. Kids are generally docile in their depression these days, and already feeling "whats the point" I blame SM but also stuff like the outright ideology of the citizen programme. Fuck that, I was telling my music teacher he should join the anti vivisection society and give up meat. He was impressed.

In short, people are sick, sad, suicidal of all ages and more so now than any other time before. Its not an age or generation thing, its a modern malaise.

I had a similar experience but in the 80s when underage drinking and clubbing was rife. I was a party girl, in with a popularish crowd, left school at 16 and by 19 had been there, done it, had depression and borderline acloholism. I managed to pull it back, went to uni and turned my life around but a few of my friends from those times did not. Looking back, we did too much too soon and I think some people never moved on from the carefree hedonism, to the detriment of their mental/ physical health.

@SallyWD you have really summed up my experience well.
its the working class men. The divide is really visually obvious. Even at a funeral, we were all in suits or funeral attire but the contrast was so stark. The poor guys. They just looked tired and poor, for lack of better adjectives. Like you said, either over weight or really skinny. Grey looking skin. Suits not fitting properly. Just generally worn out I guess. I remember one guy with missing teeth and others with really yellow rotten ones. Clothes not really that clean. Especially shoes. And I said to DH who lost a tooth years ago, how we just arranged an implant for him. Didn’t occur to us to just leave a gap. And we go to the dentist regularly etc.
i don’t know what the barriers to going to the dentist were/are to our friends. Money partly, smoking making his teeth look worse. Perhaps lack of nhs dentist, but if you lived the same town all your life surely you had one as a kid and stayed on? But it’s more than that. Like he didn’t think he was important enough himself to bother looking after. No wife to nag him to go. And it made me so sad for him. Because he’s a great guy. I dunno. I feel patronising writing it down. But I do realise it’s just luck if the draw along with some hard work that it’s not me or DH really?

Yep also loads of people from similar town who have done well. And those who have done well have been the ones with loving family’s who supported them and who gave them the psychological nudge to get on.
so not necessarily the ‘better off financially families’ but the ones who were there for their kid’s emotionally and installed a work ethic etc

Nope, I was a fat, weird, nerdy kid who hung out with other weird nerdy kids.

And um, now we rule the world.

I am still friends with a couple of survivors from high school and a group from Uni (married one of them), all doing well and now our weird nerdy children are old enough to be heading off to uni themselves.

So far everyone is alive, a few health issues here and there as we are getting older but no alcoholism or major addictions that I know of. Just the same weird needs, but now with good jobs, homes and money.

My life may not be the most exciting nor involve any "peaking", but it's pretty good.