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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get really annoyed/frustrated dh doesn't interact

40 replies

Isabellye · 25/01/2023 17:30

I dread the days dh has to look after toddler as he doesn't interact with the kids. He prefers sitting on his phone for hours, putting the TV on.
It makes me ill..I'm one of those that think dc need stimulation..on my days off I'm absolutely knackered from taking dc to the park, soft play, swimming etc.

We live in a lovely little town with a local park.. I don't get why he can't take her there even for half an hour
Its really depressing me
.I've noticed it's getting worse.

I come home and the house is silent because dh is sat on his phone and kids just seem to be quiet sitting down with toys..is this normal? I'm really worried...

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/01/2023 17:31

It’s shit lazy parenting- he doesn’t want to do the graft required.

MrsKeats · 25/01/2023 17:35

I was in a cafe the other day and a man sat near me with his (presumably) son who was about five,
The man never looked from his phone (YouTube videos) as I could see screen for the whole meal, I think it's very sad and I would be so disappointed if my dh did this.
Interact with your child!

Original poster

Isabellye · 25/01/2023 17:36

I'd be lucky for my dh to actually take dc to a cafe!! He never takes them out on his own

OP posts:

SausageRoll2020 · 25/01/2023 17:36

Is your child happy with a chilled day playing with their toys? If so fine, it's not every day.

If your child is getting upset or frustrated at being in the house all day than that's a different matter.

Maybe he sees how knackered you are from running around everywhere and chooses a different option.

Original poster

Isabellye · 25/01/2023 17:38

Can children be affected by this? I'm worried as he will be looking after them for 12 days as he has booked annual leave..in one way I'm glad for the extra help/childcare as I am at work but actually dreading it
For it to be such a long stint, worried for the children
.just feel awfully sorry for them

OP posts:

Sirzy · 25/01/2023 17:40

If she is happy playing then that’s fine.

children don’t need constant activity. He should be interacting and taking her out sometimes but it doesn’t need to be constant or every day

WhineWhineWINE · 25/01/2023 17:44

Kids don't need to be entertained every minute. I think it's good for them to learn to entertain themselves. He sounds like he could make a bit more effort, but maybe you might be overdoing it a bit?

Zanatdy · 25/01/2023 17:47

Have you spoken to him? I agree kids don’t need constant entertainment so there is a balance but he sounds completely lazy. I’d be telling him that he needs to do better and it’s just not good enough

GruzViews · 25/01/2023 17:50

Sounds like your parenting styles are opposite ends of the spectrum. You want to keep them entertained all the time (swimming/softplay/Park, etc.) And he wants them to entertain themselves. Maybe it's good that you have different approaches as I bet the kids are as knackered as you with constant activities. That said, if he isn't interacting with them at all/ignoring them then that's a problem. He's not going to be building much of a bond with them just by being present.

GoodChat · 25/01/2023 17:50

If the kids are content are you sure they've been ignored for the whole time? How old are they?

WindscreenWipe · 25/01/2023 17:52

I was the same, I did the same with DS and DH, and I was concerned. Then my ungrateful DS said that he loves “daddy days” because they’re so quiet. I was not best pleased with that revelation!

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 25/01/2023 17:53

Isabellye · 25/01/2023 17:38

Affected by downtime? It's good for them

Ooshie · 25/01/2023 17:54

It sounds like they need a bit of downtime and time to learn independent play. Children don’t need stimulation all hours of the day.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 25/01/2023 17:57

Dc do need to just be happy at home op...

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 25/01/2023 17:59

There's a balance to be had between running yourself ragged and sitting on your arse all day.

I think you've both gone to extremes and neither way is great.

gamerchick · 25/01/2023 18:02

Kids don't need constant activities and stimulation. If they're content playing alone then let them. You just end up with older kids who don't know how to entertain themselves.

If they get bored, they will sharp let him know. He will need to take them out sometimes.

ManchesterGirl2 · 25/01/2023 18:03

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 25/01/2023 17:59

There's a balance to be had between running yourself ragged and sitting on your arse all day.

I think you've both gone to extremes and neither way is great.

Agreed.

OP, kids need quiet time to relax and play. If you're running yourself ragged, they're being run ragged too.

On the other hand, if DP is ignoring them entirely for the whole day, that's not great either.

gamerchick · 25/01/2023 18:03

Or what everyone else said before me...

Cakeandcardio · 25/01/2023 18:29

I agree that children don't need constant activities etc but I would say that an adult sitting on their phone, ignoring a child is damaging. Yes. There's research into the current generation not even getting enough eye contact from their caregivers because adults are glued to their phones. It is a worry. Time for a serious chat I think.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/01/2023 18:42

I don’t think you need to constantly sit and interact with a child BUT young children need taking out everyday imo (obviously not when child or parent is sick). Even if it’s just a trip to the supermarket, they need to see the world and explore.
My husband is better than yours Op but he still doesn’t do enough activity imo- he only wants to go to the park when it’s warm- ffs it’s a two year old, wrap up and go to the ducks. So I totally understand that sinking feeling it gives you.

HungryandIknowit · 25/01/2023 18:47

I wouldn't be happy he's ignoring them. However, I don't think leaving them to play by themselves for a bit is terrible parenting. Definitely not all day though. He could also use that time to do chores (which is what I think most parents would do).

RedHelenB · 25/01/2023 18:47

If they are playing nicely with toys isn't that a good thing?
He sounds a bit too hands off and you sound a bit too hands on. So you compliment each other, they learn to play independently with him and get the adult stimulation and out of house activities with you. To make it fairer however, you should stop back more amd he should take the dc to at least one activity

Cocobutt · 25/01/2023 18:49

YABU

I think you are doing way too much and they need time to play on their own.

They will have more fun sitting at home playing with their toys, than the swimming and clubs you take them too.

I think it’s really important they have this down time too if you tend to over stimulate them.

However, he should be making an effort to interact with them throughout the day and not just sit on his phone as that is lazy parenting.

I would just let him get on with it.
If they want attention they will let him know.

Merlott · 25/01/2023 19:16

Does he feed them? Water? Loo breaks?

If yes then maybe the kids do like the downtime.

He might be interacting with them when you're not there. Helping build lego or do sticker books etc.

Original poster

Isabellye · 25/01/2023 19:29

OK, So when I say the toddler is just sitting with toys. That's literally it as in when she is trying to talk he mostly ignores as is too busy on phone?
I dread to think if he was a single dad, would their speech be affected etc.
I just want him to interact as in speak more to them
I have been home and witnessed them trying to get his attention and he hardly responds.
The only interaction she's getting then is dropping her older sister off and then picking her up because after they go home he just puts the TV on. And that's about it. If it wasn't for 5 year old going to school don't think they'd go out at all..its just a shame.

OP posts:

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