To get really annoyed/frustrated dh doesn't interact

[Isabellye]

I dread the days dh has to look after toddler as he doesn't interact with the kids. He prefers sitting on his phone for hours, putting the TV on.
It makes me ill..I'm one of those that think dc need stimulation..on my days off I'm absolutely knackered from taking dc to the park, soft play, swimming etc.

We live in a lovely little town with a local park.. I don't get why he can't take her there even for half an hour
Its really depressing me
.I've noticed it's getting worse.

I come home and the house is silent because dh is sat on his phone and kids just seem to be quiet sitting down with toys..is this normal? I'm really worried...

That’s really sad- has he always been a shit parent?

Yea sorry needed to be clearer on my op..the playing with their toys is fine, it's when he's always glued to his phone and toddler is trying to talk to him.. I've witnessed it so many times. He doesn't look up from his phone he will just say "yeah" or "wonderful" one word answers.. maybe it's because I really try engage in convo with them I dislike it as I do feel it can be damaging in the long run. Here and there is fine but he will be doing it for a long period whilst at work and I guess I'm just feeling sorry for them.

He sounds lazy full stop. My DC would have to play on their own for part of the day while I hit on with cleaning etc. But even on a home day I’d do some activities with them eg baking, role play games, craft.
He sounds like a shit parent and partner

Going to offer a slightly different perspective. When my DD was small, my DP found playtimes awkward. He was great at all the other stuff like mealtimes and bath-time and bedtime and he did nursery drop offs but he struggled with imaginative play and doing crafty stuff which she enjoyed, because it didn't come naturally to him, whereas I loved doing both with her. As she got older, things have reversed. They've found their common ground, like they both love photography and wildlife, and they go out for daddy-daughter brunch at weekends. So I wouldn't worry too much, unless he's just being lazy and not doing anything at all. If that's the case, put a rocket up his arse. And mine did take ours to the park often, because he liked being outdoors too.

Ah, cross-posted with your update about their interaction and him barely looking up from his phone when his child tries to engage with him. He's being a shit dad, full stop. Do you think he can change?

It’s not ok for him to not interact at all, it’s neglectful. What does he say when you bring it up?

I dread to think if he was a single dad, would their speech be affected etc.

This is negligent parenting.

If you think that if you weren’t around he would cause life long issues due to his lack of parenting then I’m shocked that you are staying with him, as I could not be with someone who treated my children so badly.

Have you ever spoken to him about it? Raised your concerns? Asked him to put his fucking phone down and answer your daughter?

We both take little breaks from the game playing with ours but I'd be livid if he did it constantly and really would be a long term deal breaker. Lazy shit parenting.

I think its shit OP

Yes downtime is fine. Letting them use their imagination to play and learn to entertain themselves is great. But if thats all your husband does then it's totally unfair that you do all the hard graft stuff while he does all the 'leave them to their own devices' stuff. It also means they will have a shit relationship if he never interacts at all. And yes some people dont like imaginative play. And some people don't like outdoor activities. But he needs to do something. Anything. Craft. Baking. Swimming. Pushing them on the swings. Building towers. A lot of us would rather be doing something else than playing with a toddler ffs. But we don't because there is literally no point having a child then ignoring them.

Have you spoken to him about it? If not I'd recommend bit un an accusatory way but in a 'is anything wrong, I notice you dont take our child anywhere, is there something that worries you about it' type way

i taught our toddler to say ’can you put down your phone?’ Or I think sometimes she’d say ‘put it away’. It’s one thing to ignore a kids asking you a question it’s another to ignore a kid asking you to put down your phone.
Try and teach the toddler (mine was 2).
It’s sad.

Yikes. Your update makes him sound pretty awful tbh. It's sad for your child but also for him - he's missing out on spending time with her and letting life pass him by sitting on his phone.

I am going to do this. Thank you

I have tried to say it many ways sometimes subtle, sometimes firm..always responded with I do talk to her or makes a idiotic joke.
Sometimes can get very touchy and raise his voice. I just think is it worth it..I work long hours and hate to come home just to have an argument. On the days he's away, it's actually bliss as I feel me and the kids have a brilliant routine
.yeah it can be stressful at times doing it alone but we manage and I love routine
I think it's this that doesn't help as when he's back that routine goes out the window. He doesn't want to spend days off going swimming so we just end up going for a local walk which takes an hour at most and then back home where he sits on his phone most of the day 😬

Playing with toys at home some of the time is of course completely fine. You don’t have to be out doing things with kids all the time - in fact it’s better not to, to give them a chance to use their imagination, find their own resourcefulness etc

However, playing on his phone and not interacting with them at all, all day is really sad. What’s the point in him having the day off with them, in this case?

Sounds like he’s really badly addicted to it tbh. Especially if he raises his voice when asked to come off it.