To ask how I can keep us safe?

[rolc]

My home was broken into 1.5 years ago and I was assaulted. The perpetrator is still unknown, he was masked and wearing gloves.

In the months following that I had someone enter my garden on multiple occasions and stickers placed in my garden.

Since July I have been receiving calls from an unknown number. It's a man who's voice I don't recognise. He knows my name. Sometimes he just breathes down the phone, sometimes he says sexual things.

I don't answer the calls anymore.

Contacted the police and they tracked the caller, they told me he is known to police and considered "not a very nice person at all". They said I can either do nothing or they can send him a letter.

Since this I have moved in with my parents. I live alone with DS.

I want to move home. What can I do to keep us safe in terms of cameras, lights etc. Any suggestions?

AIBU to go back home or do you think I should move house permanently? It will be really difficult for me to day so.

1. Move if you can.
2. Ask the police for help with security at your new house.
3. If you have to go back to the old house, ask the police for enhanced support with security.
4. If the police fob you off, call your MP and ask for help.
5. Get call defender on your phone.
6. Security lights and cameras.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Perhaps you could also contact one of the stalking organisations like Paladin and ask for specific advice?

If it was me I would do everything in my power to move.

I would then get cctv.

Dogs are also amazing if you’ve got the time as they will bark which often puts intruders off straight away.

I'd go with getting a dog. They make you feel safer. My dog barks a lot of a person passes our house on pavement even. The police seem useless yet again. Repeated phone calls is surely harassment. Tell police you want person arrested and charged with harassment. Make a formal complaint if they refuse. Write to your MP. They can ask ministerial questions which have to be answered quickly. I hope person who assaulted you is not same one in your garden and making calls.

Why can't they do anything? He's making nuisance calls and saying sexual things??? And you don't know him? Wtaf.

They need to go round there and at least caution him. A letter is not good enough

Don't let this go, go to the police again and don't let them fob you off, your safety is at risk. I don't know the right charities but women's aid or others, you need someone as your advocate.

When you say stickers, what sort of thing, where are they ? could they be accidental stickers, blown from somewhere or are they placed somewhere purposefully so you will see them ?
The phone thing, the police know who it is ? They will send a letter if you want them to ? That's just bizzarre , surely if they are committing an offence, someone from the Police pays them a visit. I would change my number anyway.

Sorry you’re going through this. I would move in a heartbeat. You’ll never feel safe otherwise and that’s no way for you to live.

Lots of great suggestions, I'm very baffled at the police response though? Def escalate with your MP.

Is it land-line or mobile he was calling?? Mobile would suggest he's known to you.

I’ve had to live with an aggressive and violent neighbor with serious mental health issues for several years so although not the same as the OP .

he’s gone now forever - and that’s only thanks to a lovely crown court judge that changed the RO so that he can’t come within 200 meters of me and my home - so the fucker lost his HA house eventually
I actually emailed the judges chamber and asked him for advice 😂

So in my experience the police and local council are useless and will do fuck all untill your either seriously injured or dead and then they say “ so sorry lessons will be learned “

So you have to be very proactive and protect yourself -
my few tips my seem a bit over the top
but it’s kept me safe from an absolute Grade A Nutter but I was lucky that the last serious assault was caught on cctv .

I won’t say what I / we went through but my neighbor has a restraining order with no end date which means only the people named in the order can apply to change it so as that will never happen it will stay in place for ever

This is extremely hard to get most of have time limits between 2 - 5 years and occasionally 10 years.
so you can only imagine what my ex neighbor was like .

My house was and still is a bit like Fort Knox but I feel safe in my house

Get a fence up with trellis on plant prickly plants in your borders, and growing up the fence climbing and rambling roses with ever green clematis in-between, Hawthorns and the like.

CCTV cameras up with Person tracking and floodlight activation, possibly something like this or cheaper depending on your budget. Mine follow intruders, turn on a flood light and also can set of a 100db alarm and have two way audio. reolink.com/gb/product/rlc-823a/?attribute_pa_version=1-pack

Get a Euphy or ring doorbell , you can get them to activate your amazon echo dot ect and make a chime when any one enters your garden also and makes them ring.

you can also get drive way alarms like this, place them on your gate ways ect.
www.amazon.co.uk/Wireless-Driveway-Resistant-Detector-DIY-System-Monitor/dp/B08NYH9JL4/ref=sr_1_6?crid=3A6Z8U52O7JTF&keywords=driveway+alarm%2C&qid=1674680670&sprefix=driveway+alarm+%2Caps%2C88&sr=8-6

Anti climb paint on the top of fences ect.

Pretty much anything that lights them up or notifies them they are being watched the second they come near your home, usually deters.

The other thing is is you have PVC or composite doors ensure your locks are anti snap. you can tell easily by looking at the lock see if it has a kite mark on it. if it does not please get one. older locks can be snapped called lock snapping, they get a pair of mole grips and twist and it snaps the lock out and using a screwdriver they can be in your home in seconds. Anti snap locks prevent this.

Put bolts on your internal doors so that you lock all the doors behind you as you go to bed.

Obviously you can't read because it's very clear to me that she lived alone with her DS but moved in with her parents.

This person has already apologised up thread.

This is horrible. So sorry op 😔

It was mobile that he was calling. Im going to speak to the police r again next week.

I will get CCTV and flood lights. I need to look into alarm systems too.

I already have a little dog that doesn't bark - not scary at all! I'd consider getting a "scarier" dog for protection. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thank you so much everyone.

I wouldnt go back home. Wherever you do end up....

1. Ring door bell
2. CCTV
3. Motion sensors
4. Get a family member to also have the apps on their phone so they see the motion too (middle of the night etc)

We have all this at home and it makes me feel super safe!

Surely the police need to do something. I know they often don't act on stalking cases unless the stalker has 'done something' but in this instance they've trespassed, are harassing you by phone, and may well be the person that assaulted you. It's shameful they're not acting.

Alexa is great
if you link it to your ring doorbells / cameras anytime it see anyone Alexa will say “ someone is at the front door / back door depending on which camera 😂

when my dog hears Alexa he starts barking 😂

dog wise it’s hard to say as you can get the biggest scariest dog you can and they are as useless as a chocolate tea pot 😂

alarm wise you want one that you can set by an app ideally and one that if it goes off they can ring you and then the police if you don’t anwser

plus a fob so you can remotely set the alarm off if you need to

Hmm so my point stands.... Its all a bit convenient that it's your garden /house and it's your mobile. You know who he is.... At least, he's known to you that he can get your mobile number. I take it the police didn't give a name when they traced the call? If not ask for an investigation to be opened. They will have to ask you if you know yyy. History etc.

So sorry to hear of your ordeal. Am pretty sure this covers it:

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2019/9/enacted

I would also second the getting a dog idea. But do be aware that it could put you more on edge. My dog goes absolutely mental if a leaf falls past the window or anyone walks past the house... she's a wonderful guard dog, but she would turn me into a basket case if I was relying on her to detect a real threat.

Definitely change your number and only give it to a limited list of people. You’ve had some really good security suggestions here.

in your position I would look to move, but if you don’t want to do that I would ask your dad or a male friend to go and stay in the house for a week before you move back?

I would move home. X

I'd say it's the man that broke into your home that is terrorising you that's how he has gotten all your details.
I'd go back to the police and tell them this. X