To not do the play date?

Lallyhead1 · 2023-01-25T09:46:00+00:00

A boy in ds school, not the same class he is 2 years younger lost his Dad. I text the mum I know her very vaguely but wanted to say how sorry I was on death of her dh and if there was anything I could do, like collect son from school to not hesitate to ask me. She messaged back and said could her son have a play date with mine at the weekend. Problem is my ds doesn't like him🙄 I was offering practical help but what do I do now? Ds thinks he is babyish and just doesn't like him. How can I get out of it without being rude, her dh has just died so she's having a hard time.

Backtoreality1 · 25/01/2023 09:47

How old are the boys? Could you just explain to your son that this boy has lost his dad and needs some compassion, and a play date shouldn't be too much to ask?

Dragonsandcats · 25/01/2023 09:48

I don’t know how old your son is but he has to suck it up and be nice to the kid. It’s one play date. Maybe she wanted the time to do something, I would definitely have him over.

SherbetDips · 25/01/2023 09:48

I’d do this once personally, it’ll be good for the boy to get out the house of grief for a few hours etc put a film on let them eat pizza or whatever. if they don’t have fun well don’t do it again.

Rainallnight · 25/01/2023 09:49

Have him over. Even if your DS is doing his own thing, you can play with the kid.

there is nothing more annoying, if you’re bereaved, than someone saying ‘Is there anything I can do’ and then saying ‘oh not that thing’.

ODFOx · 25/01/2023 09:49

If she'd worded it as ' please could you have x for a couple of hours at the weekend as my head is all over the place and a change of routine would do us both good' would you still say no?
You offered, she took you at your word. If the boys aren't great friends then you just arrange an activity they can both enjoy without so much one to one interaction. He's just lost his Dad, so he will be childish and sad.

JJJSchmidt · 25/01/2023 09:49

If this was me then i would set up the day like i was looking after the boy with no expectation of ds to play with him/entertain him. So set up acticities for both boys like craft, baking etc but expect for me to be fully involved rather than leaving them too it like i would usually

DrMarciaFieldstone · 25/01/2023 09:50

I’d explain to dc it’s a one off and an act of kindness as the child’s father has just passed away. I think this does coke under practical help, she might have things to organise, or just want some time to grieve without putting a brave face on in front of the child.

Thereisnolight · 25/01/2023 09:50

This reads a bit as though you only offered help to this woman who hardly know to make yourself look good and have something to talk about to others.
When she took you up on your offer you backed off at once.
I doubt the problem is your DS - a quick pep talk would sort him out I’m sure.

Snoopystick · 25/01/2023 09:50

SherbetDips · 25/01/2023 09:48

I’d do this once personally, it’ll be good for the boy to get out the house of grief for a few hours etc put a film on let them eat pizza or whatever. if they don’t have fun well don’t do it again.

Agree with this.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 25/01/2023 09:51

A little boy has lost his dad and your kid can't be nice to him for a few hours? Shame on you and your parenting.

Comedycook · 25/01/2023 09:51

In this instance I'd do the playdate. Sounds like she needs a favour. I'd do lots to keep the kids busy so they don't argue. I think you have to suck this one up to be honest

Swiftswatch · 25/01/2023 09:51

Frankly your son will have to suck it up. You clearly offered to sound really kind and helpful without actually wanting to be helpful in any way.

In future don’t offer when you aren’t prepared to do the favour.

IAmAlreadyRegrettingMyGreyColourScheme · 25/01/2023 09:52

Oh dear. Could you take then to a play center? It would give your son a bit of space and they'd probably have a great time. Perhaps the other boy is feeling incredibly lonely & could use a friend for a few hours.

HooverIsAlwaysBroken · 25/01/2023 09:53

How old are the boys? Could you take them to the cinema to see a film? It would be a big treat for both boys, no need for too much interaction at the start and a big bag of popcorn each - and something to talk about after?

AnnaTortoiseshell · 25/01/2023 09:53

You absolutely don’t back out of it. You take the boy, do some activities with him which your DS can join or not, and give the poor woman a break. She probably really needs the childcare and has just worded it as a play date to sound better.

TheMagicSword · 25/01/2023 09:53

She’s told you what she needs. You teach your child that it is important to be nice to other people, especially when they’re going through an incredibly difficult time. Don’t try to weasel out of it, what would that be teaching your son?

ShirleyPhallus · 25/01/2023 09:53

Wtf did you text her offering her to pick up her son if you didn’t actually want to spend any time with him? You should have been clear on the help you were offering

Have him over for a few hours and tell your son to be nice to him. Poor woman and her son.

anomaly23 · 25/01/2023 09:55

Why did you offer if you don't want to do it?

cheatingcrackers · 25/01/2023 09:56

Obviously you have the boy over! I can't believe you have to ask really. 😔 By the way, he may not like your DS much either, but he needs and deserves kindness and tenderness right now.

After my Mum died I got shipped around to all sorts of houses for playdates. Mostly they were with kids I loved but sometimes they were with kids I really wasn't keen on. But I felt welcomed everywhere, thanks to all the lovely parents.

SherbetDips · 25/01/2023 09:57

Next time you offer to help someone going through a horrible time..

don’t unless you actually want to help. I mean her problems are real not just a way for you to look “kind and compassionate” in front of the other school mums or whatever.

Comedycook · 25/01/2023 09:58

HooverIsAlwaysBroken · 25/01/2023 09:53

How old are the boys? Could you take them to the cinema to see a film? It would be a big treat for both boys, no need for too much interaction at the start and a big bag of popcorn each - and something to talk about after?

Cinema is a genius idea in these circumstances.

Original poster

Lallyhead1 · 25/01/2023 09:59

I offered help yes and I wasn't clear on the help that's my fault.
I think I'll arrange cinema visit or something where there is something happening they can both get involved in. I 100% don't mind looking after him, I just don't want it to be awkward between the boys if they have nothing in common and won't play together.
Cinema trip sounds like a good plan thanks

OP posts:

Jagley · 25/01/2023 10:00

Why did you offer in the first place if you don't actually want to help! Don't back out, talk to your son and explain, it's a good learning opportunity for you both it seems. Cinema would be a good one as pp suggested.

Whinge · 25/01/2023 10:02

Lallyhead1 · 25/01/2023 09:59

I offered help yes and I wasn't clear on the help that's my fault.
I think I'll arrange cinema visit or something where there is something happening they can both get involved in. I 100% don't mind looking after him, I just don't want it to be awkward between the boys if they have nothing in common and won't play together.
Cinema trip sounds like a good plan thanks

But surely you knew they had nothing in common and didnt really get on before you made the fake offer of help? You said if there's anything I can do don't hesitate to get in touch. The poor woman has lost her partner and the father of her child, it must have been difficult to ask for help especially as you're not a close friend, but she asked for help and your first thought was no.

Original poster

Lallyhead1 · 25/01/2023 10:07

It wasn't a fake offer of help, I meant to bring the child to home from school to save her going or doing a bit of shopping or whatever.
I think we have established that I'd be a dick to say no and so I won't.

OP posts: