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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I the only person who finds family WhatsApp groups annoying?

55 replies

karrliz · 25/01/2023 09:30

I have a family WhatsApp group with my in-laws (MIL, FIL, SIL and husband) and have got to the point of muting it!

They are so OTT- to the point where they update on what they are eating, where they are off to each day, asking their daughter (who still lives with them) to come downstairs... just stuff that I'm like- I don't really care?!

We also have a 6 months old and I get pissed off comments from them all for not sending enough pictures everyday! I said to my husband, that funnily enough when I do get a spare 2 minutes from feeding, pumping, changing, settling for naps, playing, housework, cooking and so on, the last thing I want to do is stare at my phone and have a flood of messages that I have to respond to!

I am happy to send pics in the week- maybe a couple of times when she is in a cute outfit or done something new, but every day/ multiple times of the day is too much.

Am I a negative Nelly or would you guys find this too much?

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 25/01/2023 09:31

I have refused to join my DH's family WhatsApp group. His family, his problem.

Jubaju · 25/01/2023 09:33

Just leave it ?

GoAGoGo · 25/01/2023 09:33

It's not compulsory to have it.
Just mute themand let your DH deal with it.

Original poster
karrliz · 25/01/2023 09:34

Jubaju · 25/01/2023 09:33

Just leave it ?

Haha! And start WW3?

OP posts:
cherryblossomsinkyoto · 25/01/2023 09:35

I was happy to be in ours, and glad for the connection but then SIL turned out to be a heartless b**ch and now the group is a reminder of how much she let us down (long story). Anyway, I’ve muted it and feel better for it.

NerdyBird1 · 25/01/2023 09:35

I have the exact same set up with ILs. DH asked them to add me to the chat and I could hardly refuse. They're not as chatty as your lot but I mute it.

Family chat with ILs is never going to be that interesting

purpleboy · 25/01/2023 09:35

Why can't your DH send pictures? Why is it on you?

Sounds too much, just mute it if you want to limit any fallout, or tell you DH to nip it in the bud, ie: do we really need to know about what your eating? Surely you can message sister privately so we don't all have to see the messages, that's sort of thing.
Taking yourself out of the group is rude and could cause issues for you.

shivawn · 25/01/2023 09:38

Yeah just mute it, I have all my group chats muted other than the one with my best friends. You don't need the constant notifications, just look at it once or twice a day in your own time.

I have a group chat with my in laws, they're a large family so it's a big group which includes the adult nieces and nephews. It doesn't annoy me but I've had it on mute since day one, I assume most of the other members do the same.

mycatsanutter · 25/01/2023 09:42

My DH's family have one , yep it's annoying !

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 25/01/2023 09:44

Hate mine. It just gives my alpha male, ego centric brother a forum for showboating, with a captive audience.

Acheyknees · 25/01/2023 09:46

I think different people have different ideas on what the family group is for. Our extended family live in different towns so we don't get to see each other often
We all have children the same age, so thought it would be nice to chat about what the kids were up to, exams, uni etc
Unfortunately, one family member thinks the group is all about him. Where he is today, what he's eating, pictures of random friends we will never meet.... Now no one bothers posting much and I have an idea everyone has the group on mute except him!

emz11 · 25/01/2023 09:46

Oh god OP I totally sympathise. I don't have this with in laws but I find whattsapp groups irritating in general.

Like when someone posts something they want reactions to, like "look at my little one doing this!" And everyone responds 😂 or 🥰 and "so cute!" - I find it all so fake!!

PerilousErection · 25/01/2023 09:48

Not just you:

luluofthevallies · 25/01/2023 09:50

I just left the family WhatsApp group. You should do the same Smile

RampantIvy · 25/01/2023 09:55

We don't have any family WhatsApp groups. DH's family are Luddites and DD doesn't use WhatsApp.

Seriously, what's the worst that can happen if you leave it?
Or just mute it. I mute my busy WhatsApp groups and catch up in my own time. It isn't difficult.

Hillarious · 25/01/2023 09:59

Depends on your family, I suppose. We set one up for the "girls" in the family (my mum, SIL, me, my daughter and my niece) to help with my niece's self-esteem issues when she was having a bad time with schoolfriends. She adores my daughter (25 years), who is ten years older than her, but we don't live close, so it was a good way for them to be in contact with each other, without making the underlying reason obvious. On the back of that a "boys" group was set up. Banter mainly revolves around football, but it has brought to the fore a lovely relationship between my grown up sons, their cousin and their uncle, who is a wind up merchant and fancies himself as a bit of a comedian. There's the odd picture of food, such as the beetroot curry I once made. As I said, all depends on your family.

cheatingcrackers · 25/01/2023 10:00

Acheyknees · 25/01/2023 09:46

I think different people have different ideas on what the family group is for. Our extended family live in different towns so we don't get to see each other often
We all have children the same age, so thought it would be nice to chat about what the kids were up to, exams, uni etc
Unfortunately, one family member thinks the group is all about him. Where he is today, what he's eating, pictures of random friends we will never meet.... Now no one bothers posting much and I have an idea everyone has the group on mute except him!

Agree! DH's family has one and I'm on it. One BIL/SIL, FIL and we use it in the same way - to share very occasional, hopefully genuinely interesting news. The other BIL/SIL and MIL use it to update the rest of us on every aspect of their lives and have massive love ins with each other. I hang around though because I really like getting the updates from the former BIL/SIL and FIL, and because DH and I can have a good chuckle about yet another yoga pose in front of a sunset/picture of my breakfast type snap from the other lot.

Brefugee · 25/01/2023 10:03

Haha! And start WW3?

so? just leave the group - if you like you can leave a last message with "soz, busy, I'll leave you lot to it" or something?

What do you value more, not having to see all the messages or being free of it? Or mute it. And tell your DH that if the ILs want more photos (do you send lots to your family?) he can provide them?

MrsMikeDrop · 25/01/2023 10:05

Hilarious, I don't have one but my cousin has one of her husbands side of the family and is always sending me screenshots 😆

Original poster
karrliz · 25/01/2023 10:05

PerilousErection · 25/01/2023 09:48

Not just you:

David Mitchell is everything ❤️

OP posts:
familyissues12345 · 25/01/2023 10:06

My only slight peeve with our family one is the lack of interest from my parents now that a new grandchild has arrived. I know my teens aren't as cute (that's an understatement) but acknowledging if I say something about them would be nice. I've muted it currently, he's a very cute baby but it's a bit annoying that they can't show interest for all of their grandchildren..

The asking daughter to come down the stairs would drive me nuts though OP! Why don't they have another group for those in their house!

GerbilsForever24 · 25/01/2023 10:25

This is why multiple groups is a better option. So one group is the big one, and it's for photos and overall family news. Then the groups get progressively smaller as they get more into the detail.

So, for example, I have:

Overall my family (including random in laws, a few aunts/cousins etc).
Overall DH family (as above)
My dad and sister - this tends to be lots of admin type stuff and family stuff that somehow the boys are bad at (although I suspect my dad also has a dad and my brothers group)
Me and all my siblings
Me, DH, Sister and BIL who live near each other and often have logistics to sort out re childcare etc.
Me, DH, SIL for same reason.
Our house - me, DH, DS

roarfeckingroarr · 25/01/2023 10:47

I've muted my ILs group. It's a bit ridiculous because we briefly split up and they set up another one, rather than kick me out (gateway to the grandchild 😂), but they post in both. I wish they would stick to the new one!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 25/01/2023 10:49

mynameiscalypso · 25/01/2023 09:31

I have refused to join my DH's family WhatsApp group. His family, his problem.

Exactly this!

My husband isn't in the one for my family, nor are any of our spouses.

TiredButDancing · 25/01/2023 10:50

roarfeckingroarr · 25/01/2023 10:47

I've muted my ILs group. It's a bit ridiculous because we briefly split up and they set up another one, rather than kick me out (gateway to the grandchild 😂), but they post in both. I wish they would stick to the new one!

I am seriously considering this for DH's family. ex BIL is not only STILL in the chat, he feels the need to comment on EVERYTHING. it's extremely annoying but as he's a controlling, abusive dickhead, if we remove him, it will blow back on poor SIL and their DC. So we can't. A secret new group is tempting!!!