To be an executor of a will that I have no idea about?

[bagelbagelbagel]

DF has made me and Dsis executors of his will. He is widowed and living, unmarried, with his partner of nine years. He owns the house they live in outright. He has made a will, finally, after us asking him to, as it'd be a mess if he died. He avoided it for years. He's finally done it. But I have no idea what's in it. Yet he says I'm named executor. Do I have a right to know?

I'm not expecting much, or anything. I just think it's weird to oversee a will I have no clue about.

Has he actually refused to give you a copy of the will?

Personally I'd refuse to be executor unless I'm given a copy.

I’d say pretty normal to not know what’s in the will, lots of people don’t even know they’ve been named executors until after the person has died. Your job is to make sure the estate is distributed correctly, you don’t really need to detail until it comes to it. You can also choose not to do it when the time comes or appoint a professional to do it for you.

He hadn't refused, just sort of breezily told me it was 'done' and I was executor. Didn't offer to show me, didn't occur to me I was entitled to see it.

You don't need to know what's on it, until the time comes to execute it - amd then you'll be able to read it and find out.

You have no right to know what's in it until he dies. It would be unlikely that you are an executor if you are not going to be benefitting (unless he is heartless) but

No, you don't have a right to see it before he dies. Your role will only begin once he's died. I was a surprise executor for my late parent's will - he'd told me it was a solicitor's firm before he died! If you do find it too much to deal with when the time comes, you can instruct a solicitor to act instead.

I know the partner will get a slice. She might get the house. DH and I don't expect anything really. If we get nothing it would be a bit painful giving everything to someone else and not my siblings or me or my kids, that might sound mean but it's just human,

Why does it matter what's in it? Your role is purely administrative when he dies.

Worth finding out where a copy is though for when time comes.

No you don't get to see the will before he dies. You might die first and never end up doing it. There's no need to know anything in advance. The will is irrelevant until he dies anyway.

I'm an executor for a friend and have a copy of his will in the understanding that I won't open it unless he dies.

As I said, I will administrate it for him if that's his wish but if neither I nor my siblings are beneficiaries (are we? I have no idea) then it'll be a pretty shitty position to have to be in.

This is the third thread I’ve read tonight about children from a first marriage and their father’s will. Odd.

If the time comes and there's no copy his DP wouldn't be a beneficiary at all, as it would come to siblings and I. That's what we were worried about, how to manage that situation and the house etc. I'm glad he made the will. I fully expect his partner to be a beneficiary. If she's the only beneficiary I will have to tell my siblings they've got nothing, and that will probably break their hearts. Ho hum.

This is normal. My executors don't know what’s in my will. I don’t understand your problem with it.

No marriage here. He was married to my mum, who died.

Do you really think your father will disinherit you? If he does then you're not unreasonable to feel upset . If you think that's possibly the case then perhaps decline the role of executor.

I read one of those and it reminded me a tiny bit of my situation, so I posted. Not odd really.

I honestly have no idea. He isn't very tactful. He might. I can't be certain tbh.

I doubt he would make you an executor and then put you in a difficult position, unless there's a backstory.
I'm sure it's all very mundane.
I'm executor for both of my parents, but it's a very simple situation. Lots of people don't discuss it before.

The solicitor who wrote it for him will have kept a copy, surely? It isn't as simple as "can't be found, the whole estate will revert to me and my siblings".
That's not really how it works.

Being an executor can be a lot of work.... It would be quite rude to ask a close relative to do it and then disinherit them! Like a kick in the teeth. Still I don't really think you can expect to see it or even know what's in it. Tricky.

In my friend's case he has no partner or children so I'm kind of a spare in case his sister can't for whatever reason. I have no expectation of inheriting anything. However your situation is quite different. You'd be upset to be left out of the will whether executor or not I guess.

He's an odd fish. Thinks DH and I are rich, we aren't. Thinks my siblings are hard up and gives them lots of money. We all bring in around the same. We were close. Mum died. We we already scattered around UK by then. I think he felt annoyed that we remained scattered. Like we should have all returned to the nest, though we did all visit every weekend in the year after she died. Replaced mum with new partner within three months of her dying. Actually mentioned he had her kind of 'in the wings' when DM was in hospital dying. I found that a bit hard to deal with in first year, but wasn't rude or explosive. Just a bit quiet. There's some odd reverse snobbery about DH and I living in SE and both being educated to post grad level. Dunno. I can't say for certain he would let me inherit but he would think I'm the best person to execute it because I'm the smartest.

I think it's usual. I'm executor for my parents. I have an idea what it says based on what they've told me but i havent seen it.

Is there a reason you havent had that conversation?

Totally normal - I’ve been named as executor more than once - sometimes without being told and have never seen the will in advance although sometimes person have told me eg my parents said that DB and I were joint executors and everything was split 50:50 between us
I’ve made DB and a friend my executors but neither inherit anything as it all goes to DC but DC were teens when I last made a will do could now change it as they are adults

Definitely normal to not know details. My mum who I am NC with technically has me as executor of her will still (as far as I know anyway!). She almost certainly wouldn’t have made it anyone else as has no other family (cut them off years ago) and stepdad’s family is also NC with him (it’s a big ole toxic soup of crazy).

Even when we still had a relationship, I had no idea what was in the will. I do technically have the solicitors name and address somewhere but my mum no longer knows where I live, so how they’d even find me, I have no idea. Being executor (I was for my dad when I was only 18) is about making sure the wishes are carried out according to the will and the law. It’s all very formulaic and big PITA to be honest.