To be an executor of a will that I have no idea about?

[bagelbagelbagel]

DF has made me and Dsis executors of his will. He is widowed and living, unmarried, with his partner of nine years. He owns the house they live in outright. He has made a will, finally, after us asking him to, as it'd be a mess if he died. He avoided it for years. He's finally done it. But I have no idea what's in it. Yet he says I'm named executor. Do I have a right to know?

I'm not expecting much, or anything. I just think it's weird to oversee a will I have no clue about.

Make sure you know which Solicitors it's lodged with.

Ideally he'll have a list somewhere of his bank accounts etc. Make sure this includes his NI number.

Ask if he has any funeral plans - cremation v burial, favourite reading or song he'd like played etc. Make sure he has a list (Xmas card list) of who he would like to be informed when he dies.

It doesn't have to be a dreary conversation. Bring it up one day and see what he says.

The job of an executor is to wind up the deceased's estate, pay the debts and execute the instructions in the will. If you are also to inherit anything, you really should not see the will before the person dies or be present when it is made, or witness it - although the person can tell you if they choose to. This is to protect you and the person from any accusation you influenced their decision.

You can always pay a solicitor to administer on your behalf and charge the estate.

If the will is lodged with a solicitor, whether there is a copy is irrelevant. The solicitor has it and a record of making it.
I imagine, if he has named you as his executor and you're his daughter, he has left you something but if he hasn't it's the last thing you do for your dad- distribute his estate according to his wishes.
My aunt - in her 90s- has left her whole estate (£150,000+) to two animal charities. I am her executor along with her only other relative, my cousin. That's her wish. I have no problem with it.

@bagelbagelbagel

You need to say to your dad you need a copy of the will, details of his solicitors, tell him to keep a folder of recent bills etc and get him to list any bank accounts, credit cards, utility suppliers, stocks and shares info and any utility/ service providers listed with phone numbers and account numbers and say he is doesn't supply all this then you won't agree to it.

I'm an executor for 2 people and I had to sign paperwork my money would be on it not being sorted unfortunately

I’m an executor of a relatives will and they recently died. I am a beneficiary but the smallest one (percentage wise). I had no idea what was in it before they died nor did I wish to. I drove them to the solicitor for another appointment and while they were there they drew up the will in a separate room with a separate solicitor.
I’ve literally delegated everything to the solicitor to deal with, I have had very little to do - okay I have but only because there were family issues and contesting going on from someone who thinks they should have been a beneficiary but wasn’t - other than that, it was a case of finding some paperwork and handing it in, attending a few calls on teams as it’s not local to me and responding with my permission on a few emails. It’s not been a laborious task from an executors position and I don’t give a crap about the inheritance, I earn my own money and make my own plans for the future.

Absolutely this

I am an executor of a will that I have not seen. Along with a DAunt who used to work in Revenue. (So I think we are seen as paperwork and do the right thing people).

Well, 2 wills. Both DPs.

I have a vague idea of the gist of what the DCs will get (as in adult DCs of deceased). DM swears there's a list of who is to get what of her main jewellery pieces. I have no idea if there's anything for DGCs (a few of them) or any other DSiblings of deceased (quote likely to be a few ...some more in need than others).

But DAunt and I will get the paperwork from solicitor and deal with it at the time. Or just me if that's the reality by then. Because I do understand paperwork and the need to abide by the law, and am also used to being the black sheep that everyone hates.

But given the fact so many marriages break down, it's not really surprising, is it?

Again this… or ask if he’d write it down in an “expression of wishes”

one of the meanest things you can do is to leave absolutely no funeral directions - it is really hard for any children or close next of kin to make the decisions about burial vs cremation and where remains will go and at a time when they’re trying to come to terms with what’s happening. I xperinced this with my mum and it was so hard

my PILs both had prepaid and pre planned funerals . I’m eternally greatful to them. We just contacted the undertakers and they put wheels in motion and just told us what would happen, we only needed to chose the date .

bit then my PIL also had wills they gave to my ex, an annual statement of where there money was with account numbers etc, and LPOA, expression of wishes. Very organised. Very easy to manage when the time came for my ex to do probate .

I’ve learnt from that. My sons are my executors and have a lot of detailed information even though I’m not yet 60. I’ll do a preplanned/paid funeral when I get into my 70s if I last that long.

My Dad named my siblings and I as executors. This much we knew.

However, we didn't know he'd made a new will until we phoned the solicitor. We got the will alongside a letter of wishes for his funeral and a list of codes to open email/ his phone etc.

It was typical of him. Recent. Meticulous. Detailed.

Made us all cry.

As per @Newlifestartingatlast we also got a list of account numbers, and recent (ish) balances. It made sorting everything out really easy.

When my mother died we ended up contacting pretty much every financial institution in the UK as she had zillions of accounts and crappy records where it was very difficult to identify what was still open and what had been closed. It took a really long time to sort out her estate and we all learnt from that.

I've subsequently told loads of my friends parents about our experiences in the hope that they will be more Dad and make it easy for their offspring.

You don't have to be executor though. Perfectly reasonable when the moment comes to obtain the will, then renounce as executor.
I was happy to be executor for my grandparents but only if the estate was split between my dmum and her sisters. My nan was pretty manipulative and played favourites. I was clear that if the terms of the will would cause I'll feeling, I wouldn't do it.

Do find out who the solicitor is who drew up the will and check that the solicitor holds a copy of it. Or else find out where it is.

This is normal. Executor does not need to see the will but should know where it is.

If a parent you weren’t estranged from, and had a reasonable relationship with, named you as executor, and you subsequently found that you weren’t getting anything, it was all going to his partner, or others, then personally I’d decline to undertake executor duties, which can often be a major hassle.

I’d get a solicitor to do it, and let the estate bear the often substantial costs.

I’ve no patience with people who oh so piously say that a person is entitled to leave their assets to whoever they wish. Of course they’re entitled by law, but IMO a parent who - without good reason* - disinherits their children in favour of a new wife or partner, is an utter shit. It’s nearly always a father, too.

I’ve made dh promise that if I go first, and he takes up with someone else, he’d better never even think of such a thing.

*I do know someone who is going to disinherit a son, but he has every reason for doing so.

If, when the time comes, you don’t want to be executor then you can sign it to the solicitor to deal with.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER I agree with you. No matter how much people say "oh they can leave it to the cats home if they want", a Will is usually interpreted by children and grandchildren as how the deceased felt about them. If one person is disinherited, it can cause serious ructions down the generations.

My grandfather disinherited one of his 5 kids - my dad was the executor and found out when the will was opened. He and the other siblings that did inherit got together and agreed to pool everything again and slept it evenly between all 5, including the disinherited one. No point in honouring the wishes of their father if it caused a rift between the siblings - it worked and all the siblings remain close.

Absolutely if I was not benefiting from a parents will I wouldn't be executor, having seen what a pain in the arse it can be. Different if I was for my sister in the event her and her husband both died and it was leaving everything to their children, for example, but otherwise fuck that the estate can pay for a solicitor!

It also matters if you're in Scotland rather than England. In Scotland, it's not possible to completely disinherit a spouse or offspring. They have what is known as "legal rights": if no surviving spouse, then the offspring have a legal right to divide 50% of the movable estate (cash, jewellery etc) equally amongst the siblings (or the appropriate share to the offspring of a pre-deceased sibling).

If there's a surviving spouse, then I think the proportions are a third to the spouse, a third to the offspring and only the last third is "free" to be distributed as per the will.

There is no legal right on the non-moveable estate (ie a house or any land).

I was executor for both my parents wills and didn't see them before they had died. Never really occurred to me to thin it was odd but our family is a pretty non-controversial set up, and in my parents wills everything went to each other and then, when the 2nd parent died it was equally split between each of their dc, so there was no drama, no nervousness about who might inherit and if anyone might be left out.
I imagine it does feel different when you have lost your Mum, and it is a very real possibility that everything that was half hers might go to your Dad's new partner and then it will pass to whoever she chooses to leave it to, rather than you. That isn't necessarily about large amounts of money, that is about things and about it seeming somewhat unjust. I can understand that feeling and that you don't want to be the one who is having to administer what might seem to be a potentially unfair and divisive will.