Am I wrong for saying no?

[Foxbuny]

So a few weeks ago my aunt asked could she have
my child aged 1y 10 months over night and take them for a day out the next day. (my child has never spent a night or even more than 4 hours away from me). I said yes at first as I had somethings that I needed to do, then on the day she was going to come and get my child she was running late I said ok, but then it got later like 8pm so I messaged and said I thought it would be best if she just picked her up in the morning instead as she’s not good in the car seat in the dark especially out of our normal routine. Expecting this to just be ok, I carried on with our night routine and then my aunt shows up outside calling asking to take her I said No again saying you shouldn’t of come it’s too late. My aunt then causes a scene outside my house and drives off. Gets home and starts with messages of how I’ve upset her, my child would have been fine it’s me that would have gotten upset and so on. I explain again that my child has some issues with the car seat and the dark that causes behaviours that are harmful to herself so I didn’t want that to happen. In response to this she decided to tell me it’s my fault my child acts like this and I need to be taking him to nursery and all these other things I need to do with my child. So I got mad and sent back don’t tell me what to do with my child, I’m a good mum doing my best and my child is happy intelligent and loving and that I’m done with her and her opinions. That she doesn’t respect me and my parenting choices. She tells me that’s upset her too and she’s always supportive (she isn’t). I just ignore her. Fast forward a few days and I have my cousins other aunts basically my whole family messaging telling me I’ve upset her and it’s not fair that I’m keeping my child from her and I just don’t like being told what to do. I’m like wait all I did was say no and defend myself I even said she could of still taken her out but she chose to behave how she did. But I’m still being told I’m in the wrong and I’ve hurt her feelings. She’s now told so so many people. I’m just constantly being told she’s upset and I should apologise but I’m like no I’m the one owed the apology but everyone seems to of taken her side.

So Should I apologise?

No!
You have nothing to apologize for.
And you didn't need to give her the excuse about the car seat and the dark situation.She didn't show up when she was supposed to and that should have been that.I would be horrified if my family acted that way toward me because of some gossiping aunt.
Stay strong and move on.
And for goodness sake DON'T APOLOGIZE.

No need to apologise. This is your child, you make the decisions. Nobody else has rights over him.

Block this twatty aunt and ignore the rest of them. Or block the lot of them if you want to. At least until this has settled down.

He's your child. If you say it was too late then it was too late. Her reaction makes me think it's probably a good thing she didn't take him at all.

Its fine to say no

No you don’t apologise. She was late, you had texted it was to late now, she ignored

and I wouldn’t be letting the aunt have your child overnight, ever now

NOPE. You did everything right. Don't let the family get to you, hopefully it will be a nine days wonder.

Gets home and starts with messages of how I’ve upset her, my child would have been fine it’s me that would have gotten upset and so on.

Oh, I get it Auntie Foxbuny.
So long as you are getting your own way, it doesn't matter how much you upset your niece.

OP - next time you are put on the spot like this & agree out of habit/FOG/whatever - remember the golden phrase "need to look at tthe calendar first, I'll get back to you in a hour or so".
(FOG - Fear / Obligation / Guilt - a common experience in dysfunctional family relationships - outofthefog.website/toolbox-intro )

It gives you enough breathing space to practice a very firm "NO".

I hope you can work up from there to enough confidence to tell your aunt "no way is this happening, my baby isn't your toy, she has never had a night without me & I don't want her out of my sight for more than a couple of hours."

Let aunt tantrum about that as much as she likes- you know how to hang up a phone don'tcha?
She's rude, entitled & thoughtless. She's not paying any attention to your little girl's needs & none to your feelings - all she is concerned about is getting what she wants.
Plus - she is clearly insane. Who thinks that picking up an under 2-year-old after 8om & taking them away from their mother for the first time, overnight, is a reasonable course of action?

So Should I apologise?

Of course you should.
Here, let me help you with the wording:

"I'm sorry you think you are entitled to treat my baby like a toy, & soooooo sorrrrry I didn't tell you to fuck off earlier."

No. My child does not leave the house after 7pm nor would I even answer the door after this time, it's time to wind down and get them relaxed for bed.

Clearly she's telling the family a fabricated story and just pose the question to people having a go at you and say would you get your child out of bed last 8pm? The answer will be no, if they say yes they clearly are lacking in parental skills.

Message the family she has bad mouthed you to explaining what happened - she turned up late after you said no way because it’s after 8pm and then she caused a scene.

^This.

Best reply ever.🥇

Do not apologise. My kids would have been fast asleep in bed by 8pm, what gives her the right to tell you what you should and shouldn't be doing with your child

Oh, and something else.

Do you trust her to care for your child unsupervised? Not sure I would after her reaction. I doubt they'd ever have contact again tbh.

I did until she behaved like this.

Thank you, I’m not apologising my family always put guilt on me for standing up for myself and I’m done with it.

You were absolutely right, 8pm is far too late.

Well this time you were standing up for your child. It was late, the child was ready for bed, the last thing they needed was to be taken out of a warm house into a cold car and uncomfortable car seat and driven by a relative stranger to an unfamiliar place. At least next time you will have the confidence to say no right from the start if your aunt someone comes up with a cockamanie idea like this again.

Out of curiosity, what time was she originally supposed to arrive?

It always gives me the creeps when folks are SO INSISTENT on spending alone time with other people's children. 🙄

The apology above from a PP about sorry I didn't tell you to fuck off earlier is by far your best reply 🤣 and please don't let this nutter have your child.

I'd tell your crazy Aunt and anyone critizing you over this to Fuck Off!

And there is no way on earth I'd let Aunt have any access to a child after this- she sounds absolutely unhinged.

Absolutely YANBU

Do not apologise whatever you do.

Do your family usually treat you like this? Might be time to put some distance between you and the lot of them.

“You don’t like being told what to do” makes me laugh. They are not in a position to tell you what to do - you are an adult and this is your baby!

“Keeping your child from her”? Ffs, she doesn’t have a right to take your child for a stay unless you want her to. They are being ridiculous.
With her tantrums, criticising your parenting and blathering on about how hurt she is when it’s HER fault because she was late, she’s shown she’s not a suitable person to look after your child. So that’s that. No way would I send my child for an unsupervised stay with someone who has such a temper she makes a scene outside your house.
Well done for standing up to her and your family.

Make sure the rest of the family know the truth, in case she's spinning in some tale. If they still don't back off, just literally ignore them. Don't reply to any texts about it. I've found the best way to deal with criticism like this is to just agree with them. Yes, I am an overprotective mum, no I'm not ready to have a night away from her. Just shrug it off, they can't make you hand her over!

Needless to say you will no longer trust your aunt. You know she won't respect your wishes, will do as she pleases and then pout/cry to everyone when she doesn't get her way. At least you know now to keep her at arms length. Don't let anyone pressure you when it comes to your child. You know best.