Am I wrong for saying no?

[Foxbuny]

So a few weeks ago my aunt asked could she have
my child aged 1y 10 months over night and take them for a day out the next day. (my child has never spent a night or even more than 4 hours away from me). I said yes at first as I had somethings that I needed to do, then on the day she was going to come and get my child she was running late I said ok, but then it got later like 8pm so I messaged and said I thought it would be best if she just picked her up in the morning instead as she’s not good in the car seat in the dark especially out of our normal routine. Expecting this to just be ok, I carried on with our night routine and then my aunt shows up outside calling asking to take her I said No again saying you shouldn’t of come it’s too late. My aunt then causes a scene outside my house and drives off. Gets home and starts with messages of how I’ve upset her, my child would have been fine it’s me that would have gotten upset and so on. I explain again that my child has some issues with the car seat and the dark that causes behaviours that are harmful to herself so I didn’t want that to happen. In response to this she decided to tell me it’s my fault my child acts like this and I need to be taking him to nursery and all these other things I need to do with my child. So I got mad and sent back don’t tell me what to do with my child, I’m a good mum doing my best and my child is happy intelligent and loving and that I’m done with her and her opinions. That she doesn’t respect me and my parenting choices. She tells me that’s upset her too and she’s always supportive (she isn’t). I just ignore her. Fast forward a few days and I have my cousins other aunts basically my whole family messaging telling me I’ve upset her and it’s not fair that I’m keeping my child from her and I just don’t like being told what to do. I’m like wait all I did was say no and defend myself I even said she could of still taken her out but she chose to behave how she did. But I’m still being told I’m in the wrong and I’ve hurt her feelings. She’s now told so so many people. I’m just constantly being told she’s upset and I should apologise but I’m like no I’m the one owed the apology but everyone seems to of taken her side.

So Should I apologise?

Absolutely do not apologise.
It is an excellent opportunity and possible turning point in asserting yourself and defining your boundaries.
It is very difficult to stand up for your children, if you can’t stand up for yourself.
There are two powerful habits, that I would recommend.
The first is don’t make any excuses, just state your feelings/ position clearly, ie “ I don’t want to be separated from my baby for that long”. Just state exactly what you want or don’t want”.
Often people chip away at our excuses until they undermine them.
The second power tool in your kit is Silence.
Don’t justify or explain your statement and don’t look for someone to side with you.
What you say is valid, crystal clear and doesn’t require seconding by anyone.
Silence is a very effective tactic and is used by lots of lawyers in negotiating.
It can make people feel very uncomfortable and unfortunately women especially, don’t like to make people feel uneasy or upset, so many women try to water down the message that they have just given.
Also, it can be important for people to feel uncomfortable, it may be a totally appropriate feeling if they have behaved badly.
It is not your role to make people who are trying to push you around, feel good about themselves.
Your Aunt’s immature tantrum and whinging make her sound like someone I would not want involved in my DC care.

Who the hell picks up an under 2 after 8pm at night? Dont apologise.

Great advice from @MidsummerMimi which I second with this -
outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/jade-dont-justify-argue-defend-explain

Plus - all those batshit relatives who queued up to berate you for "upsetting" your selfish aunt?
Flying Monkeys, the lot of them - laurakconnell.com/flying-monkeys/

They can fuck off as well.

Your aunt and her flying monkeys are all batshit, and our aunt has certainly demonstrated that you need to keep your child well away from her.

It might be worth asking the family members what fiction she has fed them, as her version probably bears no relationship to the truth.

You are in the right.
She/they are totally in the wrong.
Your baby is still too young to go anywhere by itself overnight anyway.

Step outside this dysfunctional bullying mob and walk your own path.

Go low contact for a while. Let the dust settle.

Ignore the lot of them.
Do not be tempted to engage with any of this nonsense beyond telling them all to fuck off, as KettrickenSmiled advised.

If someone corners you, hint that there's a lot more to the story than Aunty Batshit has told. Then say no more. Leave them guessing.

Do not let this woman have unsupervised access to your child. I agree with a that there's something very unsettling about wanting the loan of someone else's child. At the very least it's a sign they think the child is some sort of toy and taking care of them is an amusing game. At worst, downright creepy.

You have nothing to apologise for and she sounds completely unhinged.......causing a scene outside your home???

She would never be welcome near my home again and you need to tell your family to mind their own business.

Keep her as far away from your child as possible.

She sounds crackers tbh.