Too lazy to achieve my goals?

[Midgetwithaplan]

I have a very long list of things I want to achieve and how I want my life to be. Basically I want to be the woman who has all her shit together. I want a tidy, finished house, I want to be healthy and athletic, I want to be well groomed, I want to lose weight, I want a fulfilling career, a great relationship, I want to travel. I actually have the means to achieve all of this, and yet I'm still lying in bed, in a house that needs serious attention feeling sorry for myself because I'm 2 stone overweight and can't stop eating chocolate. I've had blood tests done and there's nothing physically wrong. I'm not depressed (have been in the past, but not at present). I'm probably exhausted as the career that pays for the travel and the house is stressful and the hours have been quite high recently. I guess my question is, how do I fix the exhaustion and have the energy to achieve my list?

If only things could happen by my writing them on a to do list in a pretty notebook, and didn't require a huge amount of effort and sacrifice on my part. So I guess my question is, how do get myself out of my warm bed, up and doing something, and how do I achieve all of my list in 18 months by my self imposed deadline of turning 40? And has anyone managed to reinvent themselves like this or is feeling the same way?

You need to binge on the podcast Modern Wisdom.

Start small. Pick one small habit and do that. Maybe it’s getting out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off? Read or listen to Atomic Habits.

Not having diffuse goals with short timeframes would also help!

You just need to keep going, as unhelpful as that sounds. Also, is it laziness or is it a fear of failure? I know that's the cause of my procrastination, then I realise I've shot myself I'm the foot, panic and use the adrenaline to meet my deadlines.

Not a very healthy way to live and I am working on it 😄

Good luck OP. I would just aim for two or three things a day on your list. Do the easiest ones first.

Are you setting goals that seem just too daunting?

Instead of focusing on 2 stone to lose, focus on 2 lbs.

Swap 'athletic and healthy' for trying a new activity you like and eating a bit less chocolate.

Focus on one room in the house that needs finishing, not the whole house.

I have no idea why I'm giving advice because I am exactly the same! For me, it's fear. I have great ideas and the ability to carry them off, but I overthink and tell myself I'm being stupid.

And what does it feel as though everyone else in the world has their shit together? I'm holding on my threads! and gin

Why not what, and by not my.

Eye rolling myself.

Thank you all for your advice, will definitely listen to the podcasts, and I think you're right. I am aiming too big trying to achieve everything all at once, and I definitely have a fear of failure, as well as a lot of procrastination going on! I like the advice of just doing 2 or 3 things everyday, and the cumulative effect of these adding up if I just keep going, rather than thinking I have to get out of bed, tidy the whole house, clean all the windows, finish the decorating, sort the double glazing, go to the gym, get my haircut, do intermittent fasting or keto to lose a stone really quickly, fit in a social life, go away for the weekend with DH, get my accounts up to date, train for a half marathon, wash my car, weed the driveway....

Pomodoro technique. Set the timer on your phone for 20 minutes and use that to get down to completing one thing. E.g. ironing. At the end of the 20 minutes, have a 2 minute break. Repeat as necessary. When the clock is ticking it does sharpen the mind.

Dunno - sometimes just accepting that stuff is not possible helps. Like, prioritize things and accept they won’t all get done before you are 40. Then focus on one of the things (eg being more healthy) for 3 months while steadily saving and keeping job ticking over. Get enough sleep, exercise and relaxation time. When you have made some changes, you can start planning where you might travel to (while you keep saving) etc? Good luck! I would settle with not-imploding! I feel everything is such a juggle at the moment.

I'm exactly the same. I was on track a few months before covid hit and it's so frustrating because I've now gone back about 10 steps!
Every day I promise myself I will change and I make the same lazy choices day in and day out. I have endometriosis which lowers my energy levels but I've had it for years so I can't really use that as an excuse - I was hitting all my goals a few years ago! I know I would feel a lot better if I lost weight, yet I keep overeating.
I really recommend the Kindness Method audio book. I am working my way through it for the 3rd time and I feel really positive and motivated when I finish a chapter and work through a mind map.

Sounds like me, I just posted about turning 40 soon aswell, that's my deadline!

No advice. Just that I understand and I wish I could knock sense into myself.

ADHD?

To clarify, the procrastination and task paralysis is a huge part of ADHD in women.

Just do the house on a weekend morning for now. If this becomes a routine it will get better.

Exercise- decide if you are a morning or evening person. I would never exercise in the morning during the week but will happily start at 8pm

Diet… only you know what you currently eat. If you’re tired it might be hard to make changes, it’s also January- a rubbish month. I think from March onwards it might be easier as it’ll be Spring and somehow easier to eat healthily. I was vegetarian for 7 years and if I fancied meat I either ate something else so I wasn’t hungry- so if you fancy chocolate just eat an apple or whatever, or I’d brush my teeth and then not want anything.

Sleep go to bed earlier. Focus on a new routine. I often do exercise or a bath then a small glass of wine. Maybe you could swap the wine for something else though!

Take one thing at a time and try to nail one or two before you move on to the next. Focus and organisation on a few things increases your chances of success and little wins will boost your confidence.

Be as organised as you can possibly bear to be. Book time in your calendar to do these things (even if they are totally optional) and be fairly ruthless with yourself about them.

Don't over-schedule yourself. If you want to go out and see friends go out and see friends and accept that something else will suffer. It is what it is. Just commit to finding that time elsewhere.

But be kind to yourself if you don't succeed at first. If something doesn't work first, second, third time don't beat yourself up about. It's a learning process and the more you try and the more you fail, the more you learn about what works and doesn't work.

Sometimes it's not about being lazy, it's just that you're dreading all of the things you need to do because it's too overwhelming! It's good you have goals and know what you want. I would start by setting a date that you are going to start your weight loss journey and make a plan of how you are going to achieve this (meal plan, cut down on certain foods, be more active) 18 months gives you enough time to loose the weight gradually and healthily. Then I'd make a list of everything that needs doing around the house and split that list into small things you can do each day. This will keep you busy (take your mind off chocolate 😂) and will make you feel good when you can cross things off the list. Before you know it, you'll be closer and closer to getting the house done and you'll hopefully be loosing weight at the same time as long as you're consistent. Once you start seeing results you'll feel amazing and more motivated to do the other things like treating yourself to a new haircut or getting your nails done. Things won't happen over night and like other people said taking small steps is the way to go. Just keep picturing your life 18 months from now if you do all these things now and that will keep you going!! Good luck xx

I’m exactly the same. I recently found a notebook containing my resolutions for 2017 - exactly the same goals I still have now. I’ve made zero progress on all of them.

I’m on maternity leave at the moment and have been doing a lot of soul searching as to why I never achieve anything in life that I want to. I think it’s partly all just too overwhelming and also fear of failure in some of the goals.

I put off having a baby until I was 40 and realised I couldn’t leave it any longer. It’s the one big change that has happened in more than a decade.

But one thing I have learned on maternity leave - that I think can be applied to a lot of goals - is ‘little and often’.

Eg I can’t clean the whole house in one go when I have a baby that hates being put down - but I can make 2 minutes to vacuum the living room. All my chores are now broken down. I’m currently working my way around the garden - 5 minutes of tidying up each day. Aim is to get it all in shape before end of February and then spend a few minutes per day maintaining it.

Haven’t figured out how to solve the post baby weight gain but building up small lifestyle changes sounds a lot more manageable than totally changing everything all at once.

Good luck with your goals.

OP you are me. Be happy with what you have, go for walks every day, pick one thing with the house and box it off. You sound like you have most things together. The perfect life is hard to maintain!

Sorry if I made that sound like it's easy 😂 it's not easy!! And I definitely am not a woman who has her shit together but im trying. Also I just read the part about your job being quite intense. You do deserve a rest if your job is exhausting you but maybe set time aside for rest and time to do things from your list xx

It's a start. How you're thinking is a start.

But you are also right to question how you get from A to B. And I can tell you as an older woman who set those goals during a spiritual retreat type thing, that YOU are going to need to do the work.

You have a nice big list. I have a list, every day, and sometimes I get fed up with it, but when I achieve things from it, I feel good. No one gives us our lives and there is no shortcut. Get to grips with that, then turn the music up and get on with it. You'll feel amazing, and you'll BE that woman.

That's an overwhelming list to do all at once! In the past I've done a similar list snd found that I couldn't get started either. I'm having more success by focusing on just a couple of elements for a month at a time - so in January I'm focusing on finances and setting up what I need to sort that out. Hopefully the systems will then work in the background. In February I'm focusing on decluttering the loft and shed. This approach has worked for me before and I managed to get more achieved by working on one thing at a time. Worth a try?

Start with yourself. Energy will follow with a better diet.

Also question if you actually want it or you think you should want it or you just want the end result but not the effort. Like, I want a showstopper house in theory but I have literally no interest in interiors ( ie the process of getting a home like that) so I actually don’t want it that much. Whereas I am prepared to do horrible winter training runs to train for and place well in trail races which is what I actually want. My mum has a garden that would shame the RHS. She has it because she loves gardening. Most people would say “I’d love that garden” but they don’t really because they don’t want to do mulching in January. Most of the things on your list are a bit of a “successful life” tick list. But do you really want them? Or you just want other people to see you having them and say “wow, she really does have it all”?

Hope this doesn’t sound harsh- I actually went through this whole process myself. I’m much happier now I’m applying the process mentality to things. The house is fine because I do the necessary but I don’t obsess about whether the curtains are outdated so long as they keep the cold out. No-one will think my house is amazing, but thats fine.

Also I should credit Mark Manson with this as it was his article that put me on this train of thought. It’s called something like “why your dreams are bullshit”

No idea but I’m the same although I have more like 20months before I hit 40. And I’m still 2stone overweight, doing zilch with my degree working in a low paid jobs. I dream of being successful yet seem too lazy to accomplish much.
I am starting a masters in September though so that’s one step closer to decent career so between now and then I’m just focusing on the body and getting healthier.

if you have 18 months - split into 3x6. So think about what you want to focus on for the next six months - say loosing weight, then the next 6 focus on the house and the six after that look to travel or focus on career. One step at a time

OP this was me on January 1st. I hate New Years resolutions but I was fed up of having the same goals year after year and never achieving them.

i have realised that it’s dopamine searching and dysregulation. I do suspect I have undiagnosed ADHD but part of the reason that it’s very common now is that our environments are set up to have us constantly seeking the next dopamine hit. I realised that I achieve almost nothing when I a) use social media a lot (yes that includes mumsnet as there is always something new to see) and b) eat a lot of chocolate. So my first step for January was just to quit chocolate/cakes/biscuits, nothing else. It was really really tough the first few days but has got much easier with time. And since doing that I have managed to make small gains in all of my other goals. Each month I am going to add another small goal so at the moment I’m thinking:
February - limit SM to 30 mins per day
March - stick to a skincare routine
April - gradually sort out all my paperwork/banking and make a system I can stay on top of
May - cut out crisps and processed snacks

etc etc. Where it’s a new habit/diet change I’m planning on continuing whatever I’ve done the previous month so that gradually I make all of the changes I want to. You could make a list like this and tackle a different room in the house each month.

But I really feel like re-setting your dopamine system is crucial for improving your motivation and ability to meet your own goals.

OP, I feel exactly the same other than now I have a huge herniated disc in my back and I'm unable to now do all of those things which I desperately wish I had made an attempt to start before this happened (I'm only mid 30s!).