Too lazy to achieve my goals?

[Midgetwithaplan]

I have a very long list of things I want to achieve and how I want my life to be. Basically I want to be the woman who has all her shit together. I want a tidy, finished house, I want to be healthy and athletic, I want to be well groomed, I want to lose weight, I want a fulfilling career, a great relationship, I want to travel. I actually have the means to achieve all of this, and yet I'm still lying in bed, in a house that needs serious attention feeling sorry for myself because I'm 2 stone overweight and can't stop eating chocolate. I've had blood tests done and there's nothing physically wrong. I'm not depressed (have been in the past, but not at present). I'm probably exhausted as the career that pays for the travel and the house is stressful and the hours have been quite high recently. I guess my question is, how do I fix the exhaustion and have the energy to achieve my list?

If only things could happen by my writing them on a to do list in a pretty notebook, and didn't require a huge amount of effort and sacrifice on my part. So I guess my question is, how do get myself out of my warm bed, up and doing something, and how do I achieve all of my list in 18 months by my self imposed deadline of turning 40? And has anyone managed to reinvent themselves like this or is feeling the same way?

Weirdly, I've found that the best way of achieving any of this is actually to stop striving towards perfection (and then feeling overwhelmed), be kinder to yourself and learn to accept that you are a perfectly acceptable human being just as you are.

Yoga helped me in this regard immensely.

Pick just one lifestyle change and a task you've been putting off to do each month. For example, my goals for January were to limit myself to one or two alcoholic drinks per week and to deep clean the bathroom. Next month I'll use the extra energy I gained this month from not worrying about having a scruffy bathroom and feeling like I drink too much on a weekend to work on another couple of areas.

Lists are all very well and good but if you have 50 things on that list you're likely to feel overwhelmed. By all means have a master list in your notebook, but I'd recommend just glancing at it from time to time and making smaller more achievable to do lists for the day to day.

Oh OP, I get it. I'm the same. I haven't cracked it yet, but definitely try to set small achievable goals for yourself with short timelines. Eat the elephant one bite at a time!

I came on to write 'Eat the elephant' but see the previous poster beat me to it.

Just do one thing at a time. You're overwhelmed thinking about the full extent of it.

Give yourself some leeway because at this time of year it’s hard to get going!

When you are travelling, or have something fun planned for the day, do you have any problems getting out of bed then?

If the answer is yes, then I'd revisit the doctor for more tests to get to the bottom of the exhaustion.

If the answer is no, you need to re-think your work, look for a new job perhaps. Every time I've been in the "can't get out of bed/out of my rut" stage it's because I don't want to start the day because of how I am spending the day - working in a particular job. I'm currently in a new job that I'm finding more fulfilling and it's easy to get up and going. Everything else - personal grooming, house tidying - it follows on from your state of mind.

Thank you! Every post has given me insight into my state of mind and ideas for how to move forwards.

I think there definitely is a factor of thinking I should have these things, but not really feeling them worth my effort so avoiding doing them. This is true of the garden and weeding the driveway, so I'm going to put those on the list of things that would be nice to achieve, and maybe to pay someone else to do!

The struggling to get out of bed doesn't happen when I travel or even when I'm working, it's on days off when there is no plan but a whole lot of to do lists. I think my job probably does take too much out of me, it's in healthcare, doing shifts, and I'm also self employed. In theory this means I get to choose the shifts and could say no to late nights etc, but in practice I overbook and work 60 hour weeks, partly because I've got used to a certain income and partly because this is the part of my life that I'm not failing in.

So plan going forward, for January I'm going to focus on my car (for safety, I need to ensure I always have screenwash and petrol, sounds stupid but I always leave it to the last minute) and my schedule going forward (maximum of 40 hours a week and no 11pm finishes) plus make a plan for Feb to focus on healthy eating and going to the gym twice a week

OP I must admit, I looked at this thread thinking it might help me.

But I am completely overwhelmed by your list. If you're able to pay to outsource some of it, I would. The marathon runner types I know, while I find them really impressive, they're not weeding the garden (if they have one) etc.

I've been so overwhelmed with diet and exercise plans that I end up not doing anything, I've just started the six pack revolution and I totally recommend it. Tells you what exercise to do, all from home and gives you recipes. Really helping my mood and energy levels.

I think that has been my major breakthrough this morning, I am simply trying to achieve the impossible with a finite amount of resources (mostly time and energy, rather than money, but the impact is the same) and because I can't achieve it all, I achieve nothing of it.

So far this morning, which is my day off after working 7 days in a row, a mix of 7am starts and 11pm finishes, I have done 2 loads of washing, emptied and reloaded the dishwasher, meal planned for next week, organised my outfits for my new batch of shifts. I've also asked my husband to pick me up some screenwash!

This afternoon I'm going to go on the treadmill, then have a shower, put on a hair mask, sort out my hairy legs and change the bed.

And I'm going to be happy that although it's not the perfect life I picture in my master to do list, it's OK!

If I was working 60 hours I’d be doing nothing else!! I do half that.
Get a cleaner and yes pay for someone to do the drive.

and work less! I’d maybe do the odd busy month for holidays or Christmas but you can’t do that year round.

This sounds simple but I use the tasks app and I have a huge master list of everything I want to do, either big or small or a complete day dream. Then I have a list for my daily tasks and I move (or chop into smaller tasks) one or two things from my big list and have them on my daily list. I then manage to tick off one or two every so often. It feels manageable but also I have brain dumped the big list so I don’t need to worry about losing track.

Please can tell us what app this is? Sounds like something I need!

When you come home from work, turn your phone off.

Don't turn it on again until the morning.

Do the shit you should be doing.

Are you happy? All the material goals don't matter if you aren't. I was skinny, fashionable with a high powered job and a nice flat in a gorgeous part of London. I wanted to die. Then I fixed my mental health, got fat, moved away... and never been happier. Stop listening to what society is telling you you should be.

I have just read a book called 4000 Weeks by Oliver Burkeman - it was really wise and addresses the sort of issues you describe. I'd definitely recommend it!

If you want all that it costs money
You need to get a well paid job#
Listening to podcasts or watching u tube is just more timewasting

Exactly. Setting yourself the arbitrary deadline of achieving all this by the time you’re forty is making you numb and unable to act, it’s like you’re frozen in the headlights. There will be plenty of time to do all this after you turn forty without all this self inflicted pressure. Be gentle with yourself, one goal at a time.

A lot of your goals seem very vague and wishy washy - 'be more groomed' okay so what does that mean? Book in regular hair cuts? Get a whole new wardrobe? Get your nails done? etc etc. I think you're better to break it down and make a few very specific goals to work towards.

It’s literally called ‘Tasks’ by Google. Very simple but great. And I’ve tried LOADS.

I second this. I was surprised by how good this was.

Keep is far better than Tasks, IMO.

You already do a lot! Be kind to yourself, always. The only other thing I would add is that no one is motivated all of the time, some days you just go through the motions, and it’s only worth it if you have a goal that you really really want at the end of it. Then you just have to focus on each day, and the goal will take care of itself. If it helps, I quite fancy taking up knitting (used to do it loads), I have all the kit, but the more I stare at it, the more it fails to knit itself 😂

I listened to a podcast recently that was helpful, the guest explained that the opposite of distraction isn't focus. It's traction. You need to work out what would create traction for you. Is that a rewards? Or a fixed goal? Peer pressure? Think about what practical things can create a sense of traction towards your goals.

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/slo-mo-a-podcast-with-mo-gawdat/id1508914142?i=1000592990410

Outsource some of the list first off. Get a cleaner and get someone in to do some decorating. If your resources allow it, get a personal trainer.

You could be burnt out from your work. If you've got a stressful job and you intend to stay in it then you need to build in rest time -so lie-ins/early nights/weekends away. It's OK to rest and a valid use of your time