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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think working *Part time is not the easier option?

53 replies

Shushupsheshouted · 23/01/2023 20:29

I worked full time all my life (teaching and tutoring in the evenings and weekends) until I got pregnant at 39, not through choice, ideally wanted a child earlier.
I've been at home with my dc for four years, very grateful for this, but it’s also been hard work and I’ve basically done everything around the house and so on, Dh could come home and that was it.
Dc is now at school and I’ve returned to work part time whilst she’s in school.
But I still do everything I did before, with the added part of working outside the home too, is this fair?
I get Dd up and ready for school, breakfast, dressed etc and drop her off. I then go to work, pick her up after school, bring her back, usually stopping to supermarket shop on the way back, get snacks ready, walk the dog, clean, make dinner, then sit down for dinner when Dh gets home. It’s then alternated between us every night, who does bath, stories and bedtimes.
Weekends have continued to be the same, I cook on Saturday and Sunday, Dh generally do the garden when it needs doing and sometimes wash the car.
I hate it being seen as I *Only work part time, when really I feel I’m doing a hell of a lot and it would be easier to stay on a couple of hours at work, rather than fo all the extra crap?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shushupsheshouted · 23/01/2023 20:30

*Full time AND tutored in the evenings and weekends

OP posts:
OddsocksinmyDocs · 23/01/2023 20:31

YABU

SmileWithADimple · 23/01/2023 20:31

I agree OP - the problem with being a SAHM and then returning to work (I did this too) is that you're already in the habit of doing most of the household stuff and childcare. Have a chat with DH. Make a change!

Original poster
Shushupsheshouted · 23/01/2023 20:32

@OddsocksinmyDocs Care to elaborate?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 23/01/2023 20:32

You need to sit down with DH and make a plan, see what needs doing, what can be outsourced, and divide the rest up evenly.

TowerRaven7 · 23/01/2023 20:32

How many hours a week do you work? I work three half days, so 12 hours total and still do all the housework, shopping, etc.

Wookiebowl · 23/01/2023 20:32

Of course it's not fair, you have a lazy DH. Even when you were a SAHM he should have helped around the house, it's really unappealing.

Renlea · 23/01/2023 20:34

What hours do you work?

Original poster
Shushupsheshouted · 23/01/2023 20:34

@SmileWithADimple That’s exactly it, I’m still doing the lions share and although it’s not been said, I’m likely not having as much respect as it’s *Only part time.
I often wonder how it would be to get up, get myself ready, have my coffee, go off freely on my own to work. Then to return to a tidy home and full fridge, with a hot dinner ready?! It would be worth staying on two hours at work surely

OP posts:
ChilliBandit · 23/01/2023 20:34

I don’t think working part time is your problem, your DH is your problem.

My DH works less hours than me but I still do a good amount of dinners/housework/childcare. Just a bit less than he does because he has more time. We have equal amounts of free time as it should be.

mast0650 · 23/01/2023 20:35

It sounds like you and your DH are both "on the go" for a similar amount of time. I'm assuming that he leaves the house early, rather than still lying in bed while you are getting Dd ready etc. I definitely don't think you have the easy option, but I don't think it is necessarily a harder option either. Again, I'm assuming that at the weekend you do a similar amount of chores/childcare versus having free time. You don't say much about that. There certainly shouldn't be a sense that he needs more time off in the weekends/evenings than you do. But the way you describe it it may be fairly even (not clear!).

daemonologie · 23/01/2023 20:35

Definitely start doing less at home and do online shopping. There's not a kid in the land who wants to go anywhere after a day at school. Relax in the mess a bit. Place doesn't have to look like a show home.

Original poster
Shushupsheshouted · 23/01/2023 20:37

@daemonologie Definitely isn’t a show home 🙈but the basics to keep the place tidy/functioning-bins emptied, hoovered, toilets cleaned, dog poo picked up etc etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Shushupsheshouted · 23/01/2023 20:38

I work around 25 hrs per week, I have to fit it around Dd, so I drop her off and arrive at work at 9.30, then leave at 2,30 to pick her up at 3.

OP posts:
OddsocksinmyDocs · 23/01/2023 20:39

YABU because you want to try being full time and having to worry about everything getting done. My husband and I equally share chores but it'd be much easier being part time!

pompei8309 · 23/01/2023 20:40

Shushupsheshouted · 23/01/2023 20:29

I worked full time all my life (teaching and tutoring in the evenings and weekends) until I got pregnant at 39, not through choice, ideally wanted a child earlier.
I've been at home with my dc for four years, very grateful for this, but it’s also been hard work and I’ve basically done everything around the house and so on, Dh could come home and that was it.
Dc is now at school and I’ve returned to work part time whilst she’s in school.
But I still do everything I did before, with the added part of working outside the home too, is this fair?
I get Dd up and ready for school, breakfast, dressed etc and drop her off. I then go to work, pick her up after school, bring her back, usually stopping to supermarket shop on the way back, get snacks ready, walk the dog, clean, make dinner, then sit down for dinner when Dh gets home. It’s then alternated between us every night, who does bath, stories and bedtimes.
Weekends have continued to be the same, I cook on Saturday and Sunday, Dh generally do the garden when it needs doing and sometimes wash the car.
I hate it being seen as I *Only work part time, when really I feel I’m doing a hell of a lot and it would be easier to stay on a couple of hours at work, rather than fo all the extra crap?

”only part time” is easier than full time, you have a DH problem not a job problem , what does he do apart from giving a bath, reading a story and occasionally cutting the grass or washing a car?

Fairislefandango · 23/01/2023 20:43

I guess it depends how part time you are and how easy or difficult other aspects of your life are. I had a similar path to you - I was a full time teacher until I had my first dc at 34 and went part time. I've just gone back to full time age 50. While I was part time I did the vast majority of the housework but still found life much, much easier than working full time.

I don't think it was unreasonable that I did almost all the housework while I was part time. Dh was SLT and doing long hours in a difficult school. Now that I'm ft again, we share the domestic load equally, with the teen dc doing some too.

Original poster
Shushupsheshouted · 23/01/2023 20:43

@pompei8309 This is it, not much as I did the majority when I was at home. Because he’s home those couple of hours later, I have to cook dinner every night etc

OP posts:
VerveClique · 23/01/2023 20:43

I work part time.

I NEVER say that I ‘only’ work part time.

Renlea · 23/01/2023 20:45

It sounds like you both put in similar....

Casilero · 23/01/2023 20:46

My life was definitely easier as well as more enjoyable when I worked part time, but I paid for help too. My husband (now ex) also did very little to help with the children or the day to day stuff as he preferred to either work away or go to the pub until the kids were safely in bed. He did do DIY and gardening stuff to be fair, but little else.

So I had a cleaner, got a gardener when we divorced, paid a handyman to do DIY as well as lower my standards A LOT. If your husband won't step up then he'll need to accept the fact you'll need a cleaner. Get your shopping delivered maybe? I'm a lazy cook so used my slow cooker a lot and always made extra so I didn't have to bother the next day.

Having said that, your husband does need to do his share, but mine never ever did.

Businessflake · 23/01/2023 20:48

I think a lot of people underestimate that returning to work is a big change for the whole family. Your DH has got so used to you not working and having time to sort everything else, I think you’re expecting a lot for them to suddenly adjust to picking up more of the load. Just chat to him and agree a more even share. If he then doesn’t adjust he’s a dick.

That said, presumably when you weren’t working you were looking after your daughter during the day. Surely you’ve just replaced that time with PT work? I’m not sure I follow time-wise why this is so much worse?

Spendonsend · 23/01/2023 20:48

I've worked full time and part time and didnt really find one easier than the other. The big difference is how much stuff for the kids /house your partner picks up. I also think the part time working arrangement makes a huge difference. The 'worst' is working school hours as you are either with the kids or working. One where you get a school day to yourself midweek is nicer.

StubbleAndSqueak · 23/01/2023 20:49

OddsocksinmyDocs · 23/01/2023 20:39

YABU because you want to try being full time and having to worry about everything getting done. My husband and I equally share chores but it'd be much easier being part time!

How is this helpful ?

Mrstumbletap · 23/01/2023 20:51

Those are rubbish part time hours, you have given yourself no peace at all just less pay.

Can you switch to 3 longer days like 8-5pm and use after school club?

I work 4 days a week and on my day off in the week it's so peaceful. I drink coffee and maybe put a wash on.

The other days DH still has to do housework take his share of the cooking etc as I'm not home til later. Can you change your hours for September so they actually benefit you?

Also can you afford a dog walker? Can you get your food shop delivered? There's two less jobs if you can.

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