I keep getting at Dd

[Goodbyesunhellomoonio]

Feeling so guilty most days as I feel i’m always telling Dd, 4, 6 off recently.
She just doesn’t listen to anything I say, is disobedient, rude at times, shouts and hits sometimes. She’s also v bright, v sweet and loving and we adore her. I just feel she never stops doing things she’s not supposed to…annoying the dog or jumping and climbing all over the sofa, getting food out of the fridge etc etc. She’s very intense and extra.
I realise these are probably things kids this age do?
End up feeling really guilty every night for not having more patience with her 😒

Ia she 4 or 6?

Pick your battles - jumping and climbing on the sofa is fun.

Other than ‘telling her off’ how do you deal with her when she is jumping on the furniture or taking stuff without asking?
Annoying the dog is potentially very dangerous.
What are the consequences and how are you positively encouraging the good behaviours?

@yousmellnice Sorry, 4 years, 6 months

@TinaYouFatLard I know..I just don’t seem to have any patience for it

@Smartiepants79 I just keep reiterating the same thing again and again…how she must ask before just taking food, how she has to leave the dog alone etc. If it comes to a head and she still keeps doing it, I’ve stopped her weekend treats (has £2 at the weekend to choose what she likes) that does bother her, but not enough to stop.
I use lots of positive reinforcement when things are going well..I don’t know, she just seems to find doing the annoying things much more fun, just wish she could calm a bit, it’s a lot.

Try counting. Counting when you’re talking to her - ‘I’m going to count to five and I want you to have picked up those toys/put your shoes on/stopped jumping on the sofa by the time I get to five’ and counting to ten in your head before you snap at her because you’ve told her FOUR TIMES already today to do xyz.

My DS can be very aggravating so I do sympathise - especially with how crap you feel afterwards - and really if there’s anyway you can keep your temper, you’ll both be a lot happier.

Jumping on furniture is unacceptable, inappropriate, and good neither for the furniture nor the child. It’s fun, but jumping outside is better.

@WolfFoxHare We do the countdown (but from 5 backwards) and tbh it’s the only thing that’s ever really works, I can’t spend all day doing that though. I just feel like recently, I’m talking to myself…I can literally ask/tell her not to do something five times and it’s ignored..😣I feel permanently irritated by it at the moment. She wasn’t like this when younger

It sounds like she might need a bit more positive reinforcement.

also she sounds a bit sensation-seeking - any chance of ADHD? It’s often underdiagnosed in girls

I know how you feel! Do you redirect, eg "if you want to jump you can jump on the floor"? Dr Siggie on Instagram is good. And, as much as the name pains me to type, 'ourmamavillage'.

Try reading Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting

@Goodbyesunhellomoonio
We have to tell DS to do everything 3-4 times at least. It’s enraging at times and I do lose my temper sometimes. DS has some concentration issues for which he’s on the SEND register at school - not bad enough to be diagnosed as ADHD or similar but bad enough to lack focus at times. Could there be any similar issues with your DD? Not to pathologise it - all my friends’ kids seem to need telling half a dozen times before they do what they’re supposed to do.

She's still very young and her brain is still a long way from being fully developed try and keep that in mind and count to 10 yourself in your head before speaking to her unless she or someone else is in danger or something will get broken.

Don't bother taking treat money from her, consequences have to be immediate and linked to the 'crime'. Four year olds are unlikely to make the link or care about pocket money.

Don't tell her what not to do, young children don't hear the negatives you have to give them a positive direction, "Both feet on the floor" etc

You can never rule out neuro diversity, most children aren't picked up until well into their teens, try to find a positive outlet for this behaviour it might be naughty and willfull or she may not be able to help it and telling her off for something she may not be able to control is pointless.

She likes climbing and jumping on things? Get her a wobble board and a little trampette thing. Redirect her there everytime.
She annoys the dog? They can't be in the same room together.

She sounds like she's sensory seeking, my son is the same constantly on the go does a lot of the things you describe. Try and make sure she has plenty of outlets to move, space hopper, indoor trampoline, lots of outside time etc. I don't have much advice op it can be tiring when your child is constantly in action, but I stand with you in solidarity! Also try not to beat yourself up, just take each day as it comes and like someone else said picking your battles! X

Is sensation seeking Adhd?
She’s forever getting our dining room chairs, setting them up and climbing over them again and again.
She’s worse when tired, but won’t sit still 🤷🏻‍♀️
She can also have times where she’s calm and concentrates, seems to have been a bad week, lots of losing her temper and none stop…ness

Could you have a mini trampoline she could bounce on instead? I think you need to be firm about the dog.

It's been cold for quite a while, have you cut back on park trips etc? I know I used to in the colder weather.

Maybe look into local climbing centres they will have young children's sessions and let her channel it and wear how out.

Hi op sensory seeking behaviors can look like adhd yes but doesn't necessarily mean that it is that, it Could be spd(sensory processing disorder) or she could just be a high energy child! You mentioned she hits, does she struggle to control her emotions?

I find I have to say things a thousand times before my 5yo remembers to do/not to do them without prompting. I just console myself that when I say "Do that!" or "Don't do this!", I only have to say it 999 times more before he actually assimilates it in his brain.

What are the consequences when she doesn’t listen? What has changed between when she didn’t do this and now?

Yes sensory seeking is a sign - we’re dopamine-driven and always seeking the next hit!

we can also be incredibly focussed

She’s very little and may just be an energetic 4 year old but it’s worth considering as she gets older - my relationship with my mum was dreadful and I think a lot of that could have been mitigated if it had been recognised earlier

www.verywellmind.com/adhd-in-girls-symptoms-of-adhd-in-girls-20547

@Howeverdoyouneedme She has a mini one from when she was little and a large one in the garden since summer, she does go on the larger one, but likes to set up all the dining chairs near the sofa and make bridges and climbing routes etc. I’ve been letting her but inside it drives me insane watching her doing it again and again

@Singleandproud This is the thing, I always get her out in the woods or beach, walking with our dog and she often complains she’s too tired to walk 🙈but comes back and messes about

Provided that you also praise her when she is behaving well, give her cuddles when she is being sweet, there is no problem in constantly correcting her bad behavior