Keeping back money

[cloudxo]

Hi guys I just want your opinion on something.
I do a lot of freelance work and I make money often from it but the problem is I have a partner that cannot stop spending, every time we get a sum of money he has a list of things he want for himself, from £200 pair or shoes, moterbike, PlayStation 5, it never ends and it always leaves me with nothing living pay check to pay check, now Ive this past week started to not hide but put my money in making a side and not mention to my partner as I have my second child on the way and im saving for bits but I can't help but feel guilt.. I've been with this man for 6 years and we have had conversations about this in past and it always ends in him calling me tight or stingy with money making me out to be wrong, he even makes sure his family knows that im "tight with cash" etc😑 Its like his eyes light up every time he sees money and im quite the opposite I like to live comfortably but slowly it drives me nuts.

Opinions very welcome

I used to have a husband like this. The finanical abuse is one of the reasons he is now and ex husband.

Please start hiding money from him, its the only way to have anything of your own, and you will need it in the future.

he's in between jobs quite often

I bet he is. His own personal ATM always sees him right, doesn't she?

Fuck that. Tell him to get a job. Lazy, scrounging cock lodger is what you've got there OP

He makes a list of what to buy? when he doesn't work? Fuck that!!
Has he a cock made of gold? keeps the house spotless?
I'll take a guess, NO

We've been together so long

No, you really haven’t.

And what money does he share with you? Have you also got a list what you will buy when he starts contributing?

I suspect op won’t return though.

It is your money that you have earned. Not his. Simple as that

One of my favourite replies on mn ever!

Seriously, what is in this "relationship" for you?

I can see why he's in it. Free money on demand.

Do you intend to bankroll him for life and cover all of his demands? Your pregnant and he isn't even working. He's hardly a supportive partner.

My ex spent all my money (£100k ish), then he spent £40k my mother leant him. When she was dying, he promised to pay it back. He never did. Once we separated, he also spent £120k pension fund. He doesn't have anything to show for it, he just frittered it away. Don't let this be you. Get rid now. You'll be happier in the long run. I am.

He is a child and sees you as his parent.

YOu have a second child on the way and you are having to quietly squirrelling away cash to buy "bits" for the baby whilst he writes out a shopping list of man toy luxuries. I bet he requested huge Christmas and Birthday presents.

Do a spread sheet and work out how much cash you spend on your actual child and how much you spend on him.

And even though you let him get away with spending your hard earned cash, not on your existing child, but on himself - he slags you off to anyone who will listen and calls you tight.

He'll be spending your child benefit next!

Separate your finances at once and do not pay for anymore crap.

I bet you don't have pairs of £200 shoes in your wardrobe.

How will you provide for your children in the future? What if they need medical treatment you can't get on the NHS, braces, what if they want to go on School Trips, New clothes, a laptop, support at uni, How will you ever afford these things if he is merrily spending anything you can save for them, or for your old age.

Does the fact that he is asking you to buy him a pair of £200 over buying stuff for your unborn baby not tell you exactly what his priorities are? It would me.

Blimey OP, what exactly about this man made you think he was a good candidate for having a baby with, never mind a second one?! He doesn’t work and provide for his family and you can bet your bottom dollar he’s not doing all the childcare and domestic work. You’re only blessing is you’re not married. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t start pushing for that so he can legally claim from you when you wise up and ditch his lazy backside.

Sorry you’re in this position but honestly, you need to open your eyes and raise your standards for your children’s sake if not yours. There is no excuse to be ‘between jobs’. He could be driving for Amazon or deliveroo tomorrow. Nothing less attractive than a lazy unemployed leech who thinks he deserves £200 shoes while he sits around scratching his arse.

Absolute cock lodger. ‘In between jobs’ yet your tight with your money? Hmm ok.

guarantee the drip feed will also be you do all childcare, cleaning and general adulting as he can’t be expected to contribute as FIFA ain’t gonna play itself…

make sure you have a separate account this freelance work gets paid into that is online only and he Isn’t aware of. I get the feeling you’re going to need all the savings for you and your children in future, Do not feel guilty in the slightest!

@cloudxo

What made you think having a second child with this moron was a good idea?

Then the conversation needs to go like this…. Yes family and DH, one of us has to be tight with cash because we have one child and another on the way, and one of us is not currently earning any money. If one of us wants to spend more money then of course they can do so, after paying their share for our house, bills and children.
and when both of us are earning again I have an equally long list of things I want, but unfortunately DH is so tight with money that he spends it all on himself.

then work out how much spending money you can afford for both of you - after bills, childcare, emergency fund (which you need as self employed person - 6 months worth of outgoings) - and expect DH to contribute once he earns again - not allow him to see that anything extra is his money.

Change your account so you get paid into one he cannot access. Transfer bill money into the joint account and give him a small amount each month as his. A little encouragement to get a job