To wonder why I'm ignored at beauty counters

[Scribbydigs]

Every time I go into the beauty section of department stores and ask to try products, the staff just hand me things and walk off, disinterested. Other women seem to get sat down and made a fuss out of, and seem to have full faces of makeup put on them. (I don't even want that, I usually just want some advice on specific colours/products that would work for me).

Anyone else struggle to get help and attention from beauty counter staff? Is it just me? Or do any beauty counter staff have any insider info?

I’m ignored. I didn’t really realise it was a thing until I went beauty counter shopping with my 20 something daughter. I was the one looking to buy makeup yet the lady on the counter targeted my daughter and completely blanked me.
We laughed about it afterwards and I’d never admit it to my DD but I was a bit gutted.

Actually I have been sat down before and had my make up applied without booking a makeover - I assume that’s what the OP means. I enquired about a tinted moisturiser (Laura Mercier) and she sat me down to colour match me and once we’d settled on a shade put it on my whole face, added blush, mascara etc.

But I was pretty much ignored at the Charlotte tilbury counter in the same shop.

You know it's entirely possible to walk up to a counter and say 'can you help me please?'. I'm interested in...

I guarantee you will be helped or served as you request.

The women that work on beauty counters aren't there to hate you or reject you. They are there to sell you make-up. If you ask them to sell you make-up, that is exactly what they will do.

Same happened to me. I went in fully prepared to buy and was shrugged off dismissively.

Why do you feel that happened to you?

I guarantee that if you approach a make-up counter with a desire to buy, they will help you buy. And probably up-sell you.

I think it depends on brand and shop. Its happened to me more as I've got older. Theu tend to give teenage DD attention though, and I'd assume it was obvious one of us has money to spend and another doesn't.

But I agree, you probably wouldn't want a make over in most of these places.
9/10 their make over is hideous and you'll often end up with the wrong shade. Awful fake lighting in the shop maybe, poor colour matching also possible

Wow. You are so knowledgeable. It’s almost like you were there or something. lol. You’re a genius. I’m sure that @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune never thought of that! How could she? @DeFacto you are SO smart. :)

I agree with Boots No 7 having very helpful sales associates. Not pushy and genuinely knowledgeable

Have done this many times with the intention of spending a fair amount only to be ignored/dismissed. Given you weren’t there @DeFacto you can’t tell me I haven’t. One time I was told to wait there and she’d go and get her colleague to come and see me. Neither of them returned and I looked a completed idiot!

If I go near a beauty counter I'm ignored. Probably because I'm short, overweight and not confident. My tall, make up knowledgeable and trendy friend gets lots of attention.

I assume it's because she looks glamorous, knows the brands already and looks like she'll spend a lo, whereas I'll spend nothing or buy one thing.

I buy online. And spend more than she does on skincare!

I see my comment has caused a reaction there!

I would put good money on the fact that people who are feeling ignored at beauty counters have not actually walked up and spoken to the women that work on them and asked for what they want.

Or even said 'Can you help me please?'.

When people say that they're ignored have they actually initiated a conversation and been blanked or are they loitering around waiting to be spoken to?

And I'm being a dick there, I'm genuinely interested.

I'm NOT being a dick!!

Apologies for the missing context.

And there are some really unpleasant comments about women who work on make-up counters on this thread.

If they are so terrible, why were you going to them for advice anyway?

I simply don't believe that if any of you walked into SpaceNK or Harvey Nich's and asked for help with some make-up that you would be ignored.

And if the assistants are being a bit dismissive and chatting amongst themselves, a simple 'Hi' gets their attention.

I do believe that sometimes people can lack confidence so may approach a counter without intent, because they may not feel confident about asking for what they want, and maybe women that work on counters aren't mind-readers, are sometimes quite young and not brilliant at taking the initiative themselves.

It's give and take. As much in life.

You ask, you get...

A few years back I was - presumably -accidentally complimented by a No.7 saleswoman. I was looking at lipstick colours trying to decide which colours I liked, and a saleslady told me that the colour I had on at the moment suited me, which made me turn to my DH just behind me, and whisper that we needed to leave, so I thanked her quickly and left.

I was very embarrassed because I wasn't wearing any lipstick, and I didn't want her to realise her mistake, and for her to be embarrassed as well.

Please don't burst my bubble, I was in my very late 50's then, and I promise you not at all attractive, so I want to hang on to that "compliment" 🤭😂

And if you're not confident, go prepared with what you want to say;

'I need a foundation, not too heavy, I'd like some glow, can you do a colour match?'

If you're going to a particular counter because it's been recommended or you've seen it somewhere, say that!

Tell them why you're there. Tell then what you need and want.

Don't expect people to be mind-readers.

If you're clueless, tell them! Ask for help.

It’s not you. It’s them. They are nasty.

This is why I won’t shop at MAC. I was told they didn’t have a specific makeup brush and the woman refused to look and went back to her friends. I found it myself and waited ages to pay.

I also remember I was once in the perfume counter at a major department store and I was ignored when I was trying to buy something. This was while one perfume worker walked around and loudly complained to her colleague how bored she was and how being at this job made her want to unalive herself and she described in detail how she would do it (which I won’t write here).

Absolutely disgusting behaviour. Avoid department stores and go to specialty makeup stores.

This is why people buy online.

But @TheLadyofShalott1, why didn't you say, 'I'm not wearing any lipstick, but thanks?'

Why did it become furtive?

Why would she have been embarrassed that she complimented your lips??

I have to say I’ve never had a problem. In fact I’d say it’s the opposite as I slalom through the counters at my local Boots, every counter wants to help! I’m certainly not a super model, I’m 44 saggy faced and fat. I recently spent a disturbing amount at Clinique and the counter technician couldn’t have been more helpful.

I suspect this might be a more geographical thing than ageism or snobbery. It’s not nice that anyone should be left feeling that way though.

If I want advice I just ask I do not wait to be approached. I have only ever been offered a free full make over once when I was very young and she did a decent job, I didn’t buy anything as was an impoverished student at the time.

It’s probably a confidence issue which affects communication skills. I have never been ignored in my adult life but I am very confident. My long term 30 year friend is the same. Both of us were bullied mercilessly at school and we both had extremely complex and difficult home lives. So many people have stuff happen to them when young and it affects them negatively . I suppose personality wise it made us tough and we could leave those awful childhood days behind us. We both moved away from our home towns.

I'm not sure it's geographical @HeavyRapids, more internalised hatred. I think some people are looking to be slighted or feel so insignificant that they almost make themselves invisible.

And I am not denigrating people who do feel like that. It is absolutely a thing.

But rather than feel ignored, make yourself heard, centre yourself in your own fucking life.

Say, 'I am here, listen to me'.

Because no fucker's going to do it if you don't.

I gave our kid* a voucher for christmas as I tried three counters, to ask advice for what was 'in' for girls of her age, armed with phone with pics of her in daylight in several of her favourite outfits to get an idea of the colours she wears...

Blanked at each one, and yes, I rolled up with a fairly loud and clear 'excuse me, could you help me' each time, one looked at me in the mirror without even turning around, two of them claimed to be busy, one vanished, one just made herself busy with endless shite til I went away.

There was no confidence issue, there was no looking at the floor or meekly waiting and hoping, but yes I do look like a sack of shite on wheels and I am aware of that. I had also gone to spend IRO £100 ish. Their tough titties I guess.

It isn't the first time, I've experienced it at a variety of vendors of a variety of products - one day at a trade show FIVE stands totally ignored me, in one case reaching past me to speak to the person behind me in the queue of people being channelled through.

That was a great day, I went to number 6 clearly looking a bit frazzled by that point... they were fantastic, smaller company, nicer people, they're now personal friends and I direct everyone I talk to, who needs what they do (and that is several hundreds of people each year), to them.

Those of you who have never had an issue, you can pretend all you like it's because you're confident, out-spoken, go with an air of someone wanting to buy, whatever you like. People DO judge, people assume things based on appearance and some of those people are rude fuckers, we're not ALL imagining it!

(*shes my sisters ex foster daughter, now considered family but there isn't a nifty MN code for that)

Have you tried asking? Saying could you help me choose a lipstick please?

Hi DeFacto, because I am a shy little mouse, and not at all assertive unless it is something I am passionate about, like being
anti-foxhunting, anti-smacking children, anti any cruelty to animals, if I come across anything like that while I am out, I will be very assertive and I usually manage to be quite eloquent, and not start shouting etc, but by the time I get home I am shaking like a leaf, and feeling very nauseous.

I presume from some of your other replies here, that you are, or were, a sales assistant at some point - same here. In an attempt to fully answer your question @DeFacto,
maybe completely erroneously, but I thought that the very pleasant lady might have been embarrassed by the fact that she couldn't tell the difference between someone who was wearing lipstick, and someone who wasn't, when her expertise was presumably in those products. You are probably right that I should have just given a little - genuine - laugh, and thanked her, and told her that I wasn't wearing any lipstick. At least I had been looking at the more muted colours, not bright red or pink!

Anyway DeFacto, please accept my apologies for irritating you with my response to her words 💐

I think it depends what shop I'm in. Debenhams always used to be good, and boots was if they weren't too busy.

This must surely be about self esteem. I have always been approached in these situations and when younger, assumed it was because the women on the beauty counter decided I looked so bad that I needed help! Now I’m older and definitely do need help I don’t make any assumptions and just make eye contact and ask directly for what I would like. How we put ourselves down internally, it’s sad.