You’ve got too much time on your hands

JoannasFifthTry · 2023-01-22T21:23:46+00:00

I’ve got a craft hobby that I do at home. I’ve been working on a project for over a year now on and off. I showed my friend today and she said ‘you’ve obviously got too much time on hour hands’. AIBU to think that was a shitty thing to say. I work part time, as does my friend. I do my hobby sometimes when I’m not at work and in front of the TV in the evenings some times. I’m a bit pissed off that she dismissed it like that. AIBU to be annoyed?

XenoBitch · 22/01/2023 21:25

YANBU, your free time is yours to use as you see fit.
I think it is far better to have a project or something to work on where you have an end result instead of endless hours gazing at a screen with nowt to show for it after.

5128gap · 22/01/2023 21:26

Was that her only comment? Nothing positive about the work? If so, that's awful. Very rude and unpleasant person.

AllOfThemWitches · 22/01/2023 21:27

She's jealous of your skill and productivity so is trying to drag you down, I think.

PermanentTemporary · 22/01/2023 21:27

Yes thats really shitty.

I should think that came from her upbringing - somewhere she's gathered the message that being absorbed in creative work is a waste of her time or selfish or just not a legitimate thing to do. She's probably quite a dissatisfied person as a result. Pity her if you can.

Original poster

JoannasFifthTry · 22/01/2023 22:24

She made a couple of feeble nice comments then finished it off with you 'you have too much time' one. She's a good friend but that comment hurt, I'd never say that to someone about something they'd laboured over, even if I thought so! She isn't a creative person so maybe she just doesn't get it. Anyway, glad to know I'm not being unreasonable.

OP posts:

Bestcatmum · 22/01/2023 22:26

I work 6 days a week and still manage to spend loads of time on my craft hobby. She is being ridiculous.

78Summer · 22/01/2023 22:28

Probably envious of your creativity. Wish I had a hobby rather than scrolling through Instagram!

primeoflife · 22/01/2023 22:38

I think a lot of people who say that waste time faffing on their phone and are just down right jealous

Galadriel90 · 22/01/2023 22:45

It's a very bitchy comment, I'd assume she is envious of whatever it is you've made

PuppaDontPreach · 22/01/2023 22:49

Some people just don’t get crafting. I’d feel like this if a friend showed me eg their progress on a computer game, as I don’t get gaming (I wouldn’t say it though, but some people have less of a filter).

I wouldn’t think any more of it. It’s your hobby, she doesn’t get it. That’s fine, you don’t need to have everything in common.

Hankunamatata · 22/01/2023 22:51

She probably just doesn't get it and made a joke that hit wrong.

UWhatNow · 22/01/2023 23:01

It is rude no doubt, but having been faced in the past with people proudly showing me their god-awful ‘crafting’ efforts and not knowing what to say, I also quite admire her bluster.

Ponderingwindow · 22/01/2023 23:07

My DH used to say that. He knew it wasn’t true. He thought it was funny. I explained that he was belittling something that fed my soul. He stopped saying it.

your friend is rude.

Chickenkeev · 22/01/2023 23:12

JoannasFifthTry · 22/01/2023 22:24

She made a couple of feeble nice comments then finished it off with you 'you have too much time' one. She's a good friend but that comment hurt, I'd never say that to someone about something they'd laboured over, even if I thought so! She isn't a creative person so maybe she just doesn't get it. Anyway, glad to know I'm not being unreasonable.

Ffs i'm not a creative person but i know that'd be a rude/nasty thing to say. Ditch her, she doesn't want what's best for you.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/01/2023 23:13

That’s so rude. I would be delighted to see anything a friend had made and wish I had the creativity and commitment to do the same.

what don’t es she do with her time that’s so magnificent I wonder?

hamstersarse · 22/01/2023 23:14

I voted YABU but only because why would you even give a shit

You enjoy spending time doing your hobby and are prepared to prioritise it. It’s literally your life so don’t waste time being annoyed, do your hobby as much as you like whenever you like and forget the comment completely

stayathomer · 22/01/2023 23:17

It is actually one of the most awful phrases out there- so demeaning. I find it that way even when said jokingly but have let it slide mostly (I’m an author so I get it a lot!!)

LeafHunter · 22/01/2023 23:28

It’s definitely rude BUT it also depends a little on what the hobby is. I knew someone who made tapestry’s out of hair. She sold them for £££££ as they were so rare and odd but if you told me you’d spent years doing that I’d wonder why you either weren’t doing something a bit more mainstream or why you could spend your time doing something else!

JudgeRudy · 23/01/2023 00:37

JoannasFifthTry · 22/01/2023 22:24

She made a couple of feeble nice comments then finished it off with you 'you have too much time' one. She's a good friend but that comment hurt, I'd never say that to someone about something they'd laboured over, even if I thought so! She isn't a creative person so maybe she just doesn't get it. Anyway, glad to know I'm not being unreasonable.

I had a friend who crocheted. I knoew this but never really payed much attention because it wasnt something i was intetested in. One day she showed me a blanket/throw she was knitting made of loads of multi coloured hexagons stitched together. It was hideous! Clearly thought differently. I was a bit stumped and made a remark such as oh it's very colourful or looks warm. She then told me it should be finished by the summer(or whenever). We worked itnout and I was shocked she'd been working on it for weeks.
If it's a craft hobby (that she isn't fond of) she might be shocked that you've spent do much timebon something that she could buy better (in her opinion) for much less money. I'm thinking about home made cards, jewellery cross stitch etc. Labour intense activities.
I'm sure she didn't mean to be rude. My guess is its on a part with a body builder telling you they go to the gym twice a day.....you just think why?

JudgeRudy · 23/01/2023 00:41

Hankunamatata · 22/01/2023 22:51

She probably just doesn't get it and made a joke that hit wrong.

Yes, I don't think she meant to be mean as such. If someone showed me their £5000 handbag I might say well you've more money than sense. (Or even £100)

Testina · 23/01/2023 00:44

It doesn’t sound particularly rude - especially as you said she said nice things first. You didn’t say that in the OP, which I think biases things as it sounds like she only had this one thing to say.

It’s a combination of tone and how much you know they like you, that does it for me. My friends are all people who I know care about me and wouldn’t make mean comments. I can imagine this line being throwaway small talk. It’s just a funny way of acknowledging that something looks like it took a lot of time.

BurtonsRevenge · 23/01/2023 00:46

It sounds like you have too much time on your hands. Could you take up a hobby?

JaneJeffer · 23/01/2023 00:55

I hate those type of comments. She's trying to make out her time is spent in a more worthy fashion than yours. Tell her a hobby might help her to chill out a bit. See how she likes that!

XenoBitch · 23/01/2023 00:57

LeafHunter · 22/01/2023 23:28

It’s definitely rude BUT it also depends a little on what the hobby is. I knew someone who made tapestry’s out of hair. She sold them for £££££ as they were so rare and odd but if you told me you’d spent years doing that I’d wonder why you either weren’t doing something a bit more mainstream or why you could spend your time doing something else!

Why does it depend on what the hobby is? Is there a list of hobbies that are acceptable to pass the time with? Why is hair tapestry not on that list?

Original poster

JoannasFifthTry · 23/01/2023 00:58

I didn’t mean to drip feed. The comments she made beforehand were bemused rather than nice but sorting of making the right noises if you know what I mean! Please be reassured that I’m not weaving tapestry out of cat hair or anything like that. It’s a bit quirky but most people who have seen it have been very nice about it or at least appreciative even if they don’t get it.

I think it’s just one of those phrases that really get to me. Yeaaaars ago I had made my dd a fancy birthday cake. I’m not an especially good baker or decorator but I’d spent a while on the design my dd had asked for. Another child’s mum saw it and said ‘oh you have too much time on your hands’ - I literally made two special cakes per year, one for each of my dc 🙄It’s like another poster said, it’s a really belittling phrase. My friend is usually a lovely friend and I think she’d be really upset to know how much she’s pissed me of so I won’t say anything (apart from to the thousands of you!) 😎

Thanks to everyone who replied.

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