You’ve got too much time on your hands

[JoannasFifthTry]

I’ve got a craft hobby that I do at home. I’ve been working on a project for over a year now on and off. I showed my friend today and she said ‘you’ve obviously got too much time on hour hands’. AIBU to think that was a shitty thing to say. I work part time, as does my friend. I do my hobby sometimes when I’m not at work and in front of the TV in the evenings some times. I’m a bit pissed off that she dismissed it like that. AIBU to be annoyed?

So because you didn't like something, you are shocked someone else would work on it and spend time and effort on it? People work on crafts because they LIKE it, not to save money or to sell it. A lot of people (like me) know they are not particularly good at their crafts but do them because it helps us relax and simply for the joy of doing it. Is that so hard to imagine?

It is a rude thing to say, no doubt about that. She is telling you that she spends her time doing more important things than you do. Which she wouldn't need to, if she were genuinely doing important things, because you'd know without being told. So it's probably coming from a place of guilt and unhappiness because she doesn't manage her time well and she knows it. Sour grapes, really. As a pp said, pity her. Even if you've made the most godawful cat haired portrait of Piers Morgan atop Mount Olympus or something, if your life was enriched by doing so then you have used your time well and wisely. And a friend who is happy with herself would be happy for you.

LTBF

OK, shocked is pushing it but surprised maybe that OP has put in as much effort as she clearly has. No of course it's not inconceivable that people enjoy different things, I have standard powers of imagination. That's not what I said at all. It's a bit like someone telling you the price of something expensive and saying "you must have more money than sense", or even "You go angling at night in January? Rather you than me" It's a throw away comment highlighting differences, not intended to hurt.

Do you think it’s a bit of jealousy?

She’s a cheeky cow for judging how you choose to spend your free time. What does she do on her hours not at work?

I suppose if your hobby was to knit a scarf and it was now 140 feet long, or if it was to carve miniature characters from wine bottles corks and you had completed everybody from the Old and New Testament, including all the Israelites ...

... then I might agree with her!
😁

At least you've got something to show for your time!

Can we see it? I promiss I'll say something nice.

I like silversmithing but I'm slow. I made two rings in all of 2022, and I do that hobby one evening every week!

Jealousy or discomfort that you use your time better than her, ironically.

I agree with this. I love knitting and embroidery and if you showed me some of this work I'd really appreciate it and would know exactly what to say. If, on the other hand, you showed me that you'd spent 2 years building a scale model of the Arndale Centre out of matchsticks- well, I hope I wouldn't say "You've got a lot of time on your hands" but I would definitely think it.

One woman's exquisite crewelwork counterpane is another woman's matchstick Arndale, what can you do?

Jealousy. She couldn't bring herself to say anything complimentary so said that. She's not a good friend.

I think it’s a commonly used, but poorly judged throw-away comment, probably meant as a way of saying ‘that must have taken you ages’, rather than a veiled insult. If I were you and it’s a friendship you value, I would choose to take it that way, rather than let it affect your friendship.

That said, I still remember my BIL saying the same thing to me when I handed out beautifully wrapped Christmas presents that I’d spent a lot of time and thought over. I was pregnant with ds1 and on compulsory bed-rest, which he knew. At the time I didn’t know him very well and was offended. Years later, having got to know him better, I now think he actually meant it as a clumsy way of complimenting the effort involved.

I have also had other Mum’s say it about my dc’s home made birthday cakes, but knowing the individuals involved, I think it came more from them opting for shop bought cakes and thinking I may judge them, rather than being a criticism of my use of time. To me both are valid choices, I enjoy cake decorating and would set aside some of my free time to do it around my dc’s birthdays, they had other priorities and time restrictions, neither way is wrong and I would never judge anyone else’s choice - in fact, now my dc are older and my health has taken a nose-dive they have shop bought cakes anyway.

Id find that really rude too.

Friends should build each other up, not put them down.