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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate teacher?

29 replies

Somewhereovertherainbow85 · 21/01/2023 21:03

My 6 year old has a favourite teacher. she talks about this teacher a lot, however she keeps telling some strange things the teacher has told her, such as…

”miss (blank) said her daughter is very sad at the minute as her husband likes another girl that’s not his wife” or “I asked miss (blank) if she had a good new year & she said she’d been naughty at new year because she had a cigarette”

I’m finding these really weird to tell a 6 year old, especially a teacher. I feel like complaining but I don’t want my child to be treated differently as she’s so fond of this teacher.

I’m really not sure how to feel! AIBU to be so annoyed at this teacher?!!

OP posts:
Vallmo47 · 21/01/2023 21:05

Take what your child says with a pinch of salt. Has anyone else reported the same?
It does sound inappropriate but maybe there’s more to it and I’d hate you to be that parent and then you discover your kid was fibbing.

RoseHanBolo · 21/01/2023 21:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

WineDup · 21/01/2023 21:08

You are most certainly not being unreasonable, both these comments are completely inappropriate.

Sharing some details about your personal life with pupils is acceptable (eg, my pupils might know my kids names and ages, they know how old I am, my first name, some general likes/dislikes) I’ve even been asked if I’ve ever tried smoking and I’ve shared a truthful answer, but only when “relevant” and most certainly not with children of that age.

Id context the school about this if this was my daughters teacher.

Original poster
Somewhereovertherainbow85 · 21/01/2023 21:11

My daughter is an open book, she’d be really upset if anyone thought she’d lied. She’s also terrified at the prospect of being in trouble at school, so I know she wouldn’t just make these things up.

She talks about this teacher a lot & mentioned these things when recalling her day, I just can’t help but find it really strange to tell a child such things & wonder why a teacher would share such personal information.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 21/01/2023 21:12

They’re quite odd things for a child to make up, particularly a child so young. I’d raise it with the HT because oversharing is inappropriate but may also indicate the teacher is struggling in some way, if the HT is aware they can explore it further - and get a sense of whether your child has got the wrong end of the stick in some way, or arrange appropriate support for the teacher.

Ludo19 · 21/01/2023 21:14

That's weird for a teacher to say to a child and it's not like something your daughter could grab out of thin air no matter how vivid an imagination can be.

I'd raise it OP, clearly the teacher is struggling in some degree in her home life and carrying into the classroom.

Original poster
Somewhereovertherainbow85 · 21/01/2023 21:15

I never thought of it that way, that the teacher may be struggling personally. I think I’ll contact the HT, thanks.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 21/01/2023 21:16

They don't sound like conversations a 6 year old is likely to make up so I would speak to the head in confidence, say that your child has come home saying this, you don't want to jump the gun, but feel the head might need to be aware.

The head is then aware that a member of staff might be having a difficult time and will probably also remind them about what's appropriate conversations with pupils.

realmsofglory · 21/01/2023 21:18

oh for goodness sake, why are vpeople daft enough to believe such highly unlikely things a small child has happened at school

cariadlet · 21/01/2023 21:20

Really weird and inappropriate. None of the teachers I work with would make that sort of comment to an older primary school pupil, let alone a 6 year old.

Fine to let pupils know that you have a life outside school but that is definitely oversharing.

TakeABite · 21/01/2023 21:22

All parents think their kids don’t lie.

“School-Age and Big Kids (Ages 5 to 8)

Between the ages of 5 and 8, children will tell more lies to test what they can get away with, especially lies related to school -- classes, homework, teachers, and friends. Maintaining the lies may still be difficult, even though they are becoming better at concealing them.”

Original poster
Somewhereovertherainbow85 · 21/01/2023 21:22

My child is almost 7 & very mature. She told me these stories while discussing her day because, as I said, she speaks of this teacher a lot. Why the hell would a child make up such obscure stories!

you sound as though you’d never take anything a child says seriously & I think that’s far more concerning!

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 21/01/2023 21:25

oh for goodness sake, why are vpeople daft enough to believe such highly unlikely things a small child has happened at school
It's not daft to take a reasonable approach to something that could be a blurring of professional boundaries.

It would be daft to go into school, demand a meeting with the head claiming "my child would never lie", whilst demanding the head takes immediate action.

It's not daft to calmly speak to an appropriate person about something your child has shared that could be cause for concern.

WineDup · 21/01/2023 21:28

realmsofglory · 21/01/2023 21:18

oh for goodness sake, why are vpeople daft enough to believe such highly unlikely things a small child has happened at school

While I wouldn’t take it as gospel, I certainly wouldn’t write off what my child said just because of their age. Especially something as random as this - my daughter is the same age and wouldn’t come up with a story about smoking because nobody in our social circle/family smokes.

Dibbydoos · 21/01/2023 21:38

Completely inappropriate. The teacher sounds like she's in a less than good place and maybe thinks she can say things to a 6yo that then get forgotten - using her like a sounding board. I'd have a quiet word with the teacher, reach out to her she may need some help. Her DH sounds like a twit!

Butteredtoast55 · 21/01/2023 21:45

I would have a confidential chat to the headteacher. It's important that the head knows if a member if staff is oversharing as it's usually reflective of that adult needing some support. The HT will almost certainly know if this teacher's relationship is in crisis (which is what it sounds like) and has a duty of care to address it with them.

Jellycatspyjamas · 21/01/2023 21:46

oh for goodness sake, why are vpeople daft enough to believe such highly unlikely things a small child has happened at school

Just because it’s unusual doesn’t mean it never happens, some of the families I’ve worked with have experiences which sound highly unlikely but are true. Listening to and believing the child literally saved their lives. Or do we only listen to children talking about inappropriate behaviour in their homes, because a professional would never behave inappropriately?

Confrontayshunme · 21/01/2023 21:51

When my DD was in Reception, she told me her teacher killed a pigeon by hitting it with a rock and slapped a child who was naughty. I teach Year 1 across the hall, and my coworker and I thankfully laughed our heads off about it. I think she heard other children or watched some weird tv and made it up for fun. Take it with a pinch of salt, but I would tell the teacher. Her response should tell you whether she needs to rein it in or if your child is fibbing.

Soontobe60 · 21/01/2023 21:51

Somewhereovertherainbow85 · 21/01/2023 21:22

My child is almost 7 & very mature. She told me these stories while discussing her day because, as I said, she speaks of this teacher a lot. Why the hell would a child make up such obscure stories!

you sound as though you’d never take anything a child says seriously & I think that’s far more concerning!

Yesterday in school I was chatting to a Y4 pupil. He was telling me that when he grows up he’s not going to be a teacher because they get rubbish pay. He’s going to work in a shop like his dad. His dad bought a car that is one of only 4 made in the whole world. The car is called an Aerial apparently and his dad bought it from Google shop online. Seems dad paid a million pounds for this car. He finished with - ‘that’s why I don’t think much of teachers, they’re too poor.”
Kids say all sorts of weird things 🤣🤣

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 21/01/2023 22:10

When my middle son was 5 he told me the school nurse tested his blood and told him he was Jewish. He had never even met the nurse at that point. The nurse and I chuckled about for many years. Kids make up all kinds of crazy stuff

Mamamia32 · 21/01/2023 22:12

I would bring it up with the teacher, not the head. Give her a chance to explain herself before complaining to her boss, it will be less awkward for you in the long run.

The cigarette conversation is a bit innapropriate but I don't think I'd raise it on it's own. It's the husband and sad child stuff that is really concerning. Possibly the teacher needs to learn to be more careful when talking to the TA about her life?

PriamFarrl · 21/01/2023 22:15

While I’m not saying that she is lying about this, do be aware that all children lie. All of them.

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/01/2023 22:20

I believe your daughter. When my daughter was that age, she had a teacher who was in her mid 20s, and obviously going through crises in her love life and the children knew all about it.

rattlinbog · 21/01/2023 22:21

I would definitely, definitely question it. So so inappropriate

Dippydinosaurus · 21/01/2023 22:22

It sounds more like your DD has overheard private conversations between adults. Children do exaggerate and may think she's been 'told'