Date for tonight.

[Tiny2018]

So I started talking to a guy on POF a few days ago. He seemed very keen, if not a bit full on for my liking. As I wasn't particularly busy that morning, we ended up messaging back and forth, to which he said 'I love how attentive you are'. I said you've caught me at a time I'm not busy, I can't always reply this quickly of course.Set up a date for tonight, and left it at that.

Anyway. My devil of a friend who lives in the house me invited me for a few cheeky vinos last night. I'd had two gin and lemonades before getting there and had two glasses of red whilst at hers, was back for 11. Woke up this morning feeling a bit rough, messaged him around 9 to say I've woken up not feeling great, so we may need to rearrange but I can let you know in a few hours if that's ok. He messaged to say that's fine, get better soon.

He's just messaged to say 'look, I don't feel you're really into this and would maybe prefer to be doing something else tonight'. I asked what he meant he said that he basically thinks I want to make other plans with someone else tonight and that I should just 'own it'.

I got annoyed at this point and said ok, if you want the truth, I had a couple of wines last night that have made me feel a bit rough, but I have literally just ordered a Maccies, was going to have an hours nap, see how I felt, and let you know.

He messaged back to say I should have told him the truth then and that he wishes me luck in the future. I messaged to say he's been presumptuous and rude, and that I owe him nothing at this point.

Aibu to think that I've dodged a bullet here or am I being an inconsiderate bitch?
FWIW I likely would have felt better in a bit and would have gone to meet him, Saturday is my only child free night and I hate to waste them.

You are messing him around a bit. He doesn’t want to hang around for half the day not knowing if he’s going out tonight or not.

Maybe Saturday is his only free night and he doesn't want to waste it either!

Why message him when you first woke up? Why not wait until you'd eaten and had some more sleep?

You were putting him in limbo until you decided what to do.

You might have dodged a bullet but to be honest I think I'd be a bit annoyed if someone messaged me to tell me I would need to wait a few hours for them to confirm an arrangement I thought was confirmed.

He probably didn't wanna sit around for hours for your answer to still be a no and then be stuck doing nothing.

You planned a date and have said on the day that you might or might not be there.

Wow! I really wouldn't be at all impressed if I were him.
Put the shoe on the other foot- you're all set for the date tonight on your only child free night & he sends you a message saying he feels rough & may or may not want to meet you. He'll let you know later. Would you feel he was dying to meet you? And you'd be happy to hang around all day wondering?
And then he tells you it's because he went out drinking last night?
I can't imagine you'd be v impressed! I think you've handled it badly OP.
I suspect if you'd messaged him early & said oh no I've accidently overdone it last night & don't feel well. I'm kicking myself because I was really looking forward to meeting you..I'll have a shower/ snooze / food & would it be OK to check in then about later? This would have gotten you a v different response I think

The only red flag I see is from you

You make arrangements. You get wankered the night before. (Your choice. Don't blame it on your friend)

Then tell him he has to wait around to find out if you're going to stick to the plans you made

I feel sorry for him. It's his Saturday night. And he's supposed to wait around and see if you recover from your hangover

If you wanted to go on the date you’d have gone hungover, and absolutely wouldn’t have messaged him putting him on the book for tonight. He’s not stupid and can see you aren’t that arsed, now neither if you has to waste your time. Good for him!

I think the info you shared with him was way too much too soon. What’s wrong with being a bit mysterious.

I think you were pretty unreasonable there. In his situation I wouldn’t want to waste my Saturday waiting for somebody I was meeting for the first time to decide whether they were going to bother or not.

So no I don’t think you had a lucky escape from him and I wouldn’t go so far as to say he had a lucky escape from you either, but I think you did the wrong thing.

Bloody hell. The one who’s dodged a bullet is him.

I wouldn't be impressed if were him, anyone that cancels me I wouldn't bother with however he was rude by accusing you of making plans with someone else, it's for the best the date never happened.

You’re clearly not that into him, and you’ve made it obvious. It’s the beginning of the relationship and you’re dicking him around because you drank yourself sick the night before, and now you want him to wait all day while you try and make your mind up whether you can be bothered to see him or not. What he’s got from this is that you’re a flaky, unreliable liar who couldn’t stay sober for one night to prioritise your date together. I hope he fucks your off and finds someone with better morals and standards for themselves.

Yep, it’s you OP sorry.

And how is it your only child free night if you were out drinking last night? You’ve messed him around and I wouldn’t be waiting around for you to decide what you’re doing either.

Where was your child last night? Thought Saturdays were your childfree nights?

I agree with everyone else, you were rude and came across like you weren't bothered.

From his point of view, you have plans tonight. You’ve messaged him to say basically you may come, or you may not. So, but I don’t think I’d be impressed either. I get that you’re not waiting fir a better offer, but it would certainly sound that way.

YABU not him

If I were him, I'd have just blocked you rather than all the debate, it's a bit childish. Still, it was mean to mess him about, just let people know for certain early while they still have time to set up another date for that night.

It seems unanimous that I've been selfish, thank you everyone for your honesty 😊 In my defence, I really didn't drink that much, I had no idea I would be this bad today.

Those asking about my kids, they are 16 and 11 and my friend lives behind me, two gardens away, so I popped over between about half 9 and 11. On Saturdays my youngest goes to his Dads, therefore I can make plans to go away from anywhere overlooking my house.

Again, thank you for the responses, I will make changes to my attitude for the future 😊

I disagree with everyone here Op. I don’t actually think you did anything wrong (except perhaps messaging him at 9am)
I think you have dodged a bullet.

So you’re being told off by a bloke you’ve never even met? Steer clear

I think you should have waited to message him and see how you felt later but he was a bit OTT so yeah bullet dodged I say

If I'm honest with myself I probably wasn't too fussed, there were a few messages he sent after I hadn't responded quickly, stuff like 'I thought I'd lost your attention haha' 'I hope I haven't said something to make you rush off' which freaked me a bit, but I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt and arrange the date anyway. I should have just not arranged a date I think.

Give over, in no way was OP told off.

OP this is a fairly strong reaction to what is a very minor incident. You don't know each other, you owe each other morning beyond courtesy, you were flaky and in the wrong but you haven't committed the crime of the century. Don't give it any headspace, just move on.

*owe each other nothing!

Sounds like this ended in the best way really. I don’t think he sounds like a creep, just not the one for you. Better luck next time!