Date for tonight.

[Tiny2018]

So I started talking to a guy on POF a few days ago. He seemed very keen, if not a bit full on for my liking. As I wasn't particularly busy that morning, we ended up messaging back and forth, to which he said 'I love how attentive you are'. I said you've caught me at a time I'm not busy, I can't always reply this quickly of course.Set up a date for tonight, and left it at that.

Anyway. My devil of a friend who lives in the house me invited me for a few cheeky vinos last night. I'd had two gin and lemonades before getting there and had two glasses of red whilst at hers, was back for 11. Woke up this morning feeling a bit rough, messaged him around 9 to say I've woken up not feeling great, so we may need to rearrange but I can let you know in a few hours if that's ok. He messaged to say that's fine, get better soon.

He's just messaged to say 'look, I don't feel you're really into this and would maybe prefer to be doing something else tonight'. I asked what he meant he said that he basically thinks I want to make other plans with someone else tonight and that I should just 'own it'.

I got annoyed at this point and said ok, if you want the truth, I had a couple of wines last night that have made me feel a bit rough, but I have literally just ordered a Maccies, was going to have an hours nap, see how I felt, and let you know.

He messaged back to say I should have told him the truth then and that he wishes me luck in the future. I messaged to say he's been presumptuous and rude, and that I owe him nothing at this point.

Aibu to think that I've dodged a bullet here or am I being an inconsiderate bitch?
FWIW I likely would have felt better in a bit and would have gone to meet him, Saturday is my only child free night and I hate to waste them.

No need to tell him you would let hom know later - I would be annoyed too if I was him. Why would he hang around not knowing if the plan would go ahead or not?

You either go regardeless of your hangover - because you arranged - or cancel

But make other people wait on your mood is entitled behaviour

You are in the wrong.

So you got drunk when you were looking after your child?

I’d have felt “told off”. I wouldn’t want to meet up after that

I might have missed something, if Saturday was your only child free night, how come you got drunk the night before? Were the children with you then? I’m not saying you can’t have a glass of wine or something but by your own admission you were drunk.

I think you were honest from the start and he is 'reading between the lines' on no evidence, like many of the replies on here. Also you sound like you've got quite a good life for yourself and don't need needy blokes holding you back.
HOWEVER gin and lemonade, what even is this?
Wishing you luck, you're going to win at life! Xx

Sorry - correction you didn’t say you were drunk - apologies. You said you were feeling rough.

Well I don’t think whether OP was honest or not is really the issue. OP was honest but she was still messing somebody around and he rightly decided not to stand for it.

Men can't really win on dating apps. If they're too enthusiastic to talk or meet up they're seen as a "needy creep", but if they take too long to respond or don't engage much then they "don't seem like they're really interested"!

At no point did I say that I felt he was needy, though messages like some of the ones he sent did make him come off as little demanding and insecure, which in my experience can be a red flag for controlling and abusive tendencies.

As I said, I should have just gone with my gut and not arranged a date at all, but I hate hurting people feelings, which does get me into trouble because I inevitably end up doing exactly that in the long run and it has led me into awful and abusive relationships in the past.

Everything is a lesson here and I've definitely learned one; to listen to myself more, which in turn will stop me letting people, and myself down.

LaPhroiagPrince, exactly, I can absolutely understand and appreciate his disappointment, it was the way he went about expressing it that alarmed me. He basically told me that I had made other plans, which was incorrect, and I didn't like the fact that he told me to just 'own it'.

As I have made clear on this thread, I do own my mistakes and try to learn from them, I'm not one to let people down often.

I had a man from OLD send me a voice message that night stating that his Nan had died and he wasn't looking for anything more than a bit of a cuddle and Netflix now. He had asked me for more pictures and I sent him a photo of just my face smiling, which led him to send the voice message. The likelihood is that he wanted a certain type of photo, which I did not provide, in my opinion leading him to say he basically just wanted a few snags instead of a proper date. That was a bit disappointing, but I didnt express that disappointment by accusing him of being dishonest, I simply told him I was sorry to hear about his Nan and wished him luck in finding what he was after.