To think MIL's comments are tone deaf

[teomama]

I'm back to work after a year at home with my twin daughters. Although I'm quite sad to be back, my MIL said that's really the best for me, as it would help me maintain my independence. Although I do agree, I feel that's a bit tone deaf, as the said MIL never worked and is currently paying DH's sister bills and monthly expenses so she doesn't need to go to work while writing a novel.

I'm someone that's been working throughout uni and never had more than 2 weeks between jobs. Her teaching me about financial independence just felt horribly misplaced, especially given that she has an entirely different standards for her own daughter. AIBU? Maybe I'm just tense post mat leave.

My MIL has said this to me in the past. I understood it to mean that she had regrets about her own lack of career independence as she never worked since having children like many of that era. Your MIL might have similar regrets and also might have concerns about the fact she has to support her own grown up DD.

Yabu. You sound sensitive over leaving your babies. I've been reluctant to head back to work after my last period of maternity leave (baby is 16 months) and had similar advice from my mum. She was a sahm whilst we were kids so didn't have any financial independence till she got a job when my youngest sister went to university. I know my mum meant well but I just wanted a little comfort that missing my baby was OK too.

I don't think your mil meant any harm so I wouldn't give this headspace.

Your MIL is stuck between a rock and a hard place.
No matter what she said it would be wrong.

She sounds supportive and probably regrets not having her own career/independence.

It is tone deaf she should have prefaced it with some understanding of her own situation and what she is doing for her daughter. You are doing amazingly op and pensions plus long term career and being a role model for your DC will make a real difference.