I'm such a messy eater

[Blueisthecolour1]

I hate the way I consistently throw food around and over myself when I eat. It happens every mealtime no matter how carefully I try not to spill or drop anything. I'm a professional woman in her 40's FFS. I went out for lunch with other colleagues from my team last week - everyone else was just so well put together, and then there's me, in the corner, throwing fucking feta cheese all over my top. It's such a frustration.

WHY can't I eat a meal without dropping something? My table manners are in fact, good, despite how this post may come across. I'm just very clumsy with my food. If i'm honest, I think I get a bit too excited about eating and that's where the errors come in. I'm very into my food, but I'm fed up dropping it ALL.THE.TIME.

It's getting to the point where I feel I don't want to go out for meals anymore. I'm too embarrassed.

My DH thinks it's "cute" (his words) as he knows I like my food. But I feel like I need a fucking bib at mealtimes. 😡

Are you waiting until you are really hungry to eat? maybe try some healthy snacks in between meals to slow you down a bit?

Make a conscious effort to slow down.

slow down and put less on your fork!

Oh OP!

First up - anxiety & self-consciousness around eating in public is more widespread than you probably think. So, many of your fellow diners are more concerned about their own manners/coordination/smalltalk/whatever than in noticing a cube of feta disappearing down your cleavage

Secondly - maybe you just have something going on with your fine motor coordination, like dyspraxia? www.nhs.uk/conditions/developmental-coordination-disorder-dyspraxia-in-adults/
If this is the case, I like the NHS suggestion of CBT: whether it helps with the motor skills or not, it would definitely give you a platform from which to reframe your anxiety about it.

Thirdly - go your DH! How lovely to read about a supportive & loving man on MN, where there are so many distressingly awful stories of rotten marriages. Listen up - he thinks it's cute. He's right: it's a minor quirk, I & really hope you can manage the symptoms (eg your embarrassment) with CBT.

So ... give DH a big slap on the back from this Viper, & have this on me - I can be clumsy too, so you get it down your neck as just messily as you like!

Hold a napkin under your fork to catch the food, and if anyone is rude enough to comment just shrug it off with 'I'm a messy eater and I like this shirt'.

I'm a messy eater too. I don't really care tbh. Life is too short to deprive yourself of one of its greatest pleasures to avoid other people's judgement.

I have tremor in my hands. When it's bad everything just falls off my fork so you have my sympathies!

i also think its cute

Weird question but are you relatively well-endowed? My mum is and has exactly the same problem despite having excellent table manners!

If i'm honest, I think I get a bit too excited about eating and that's where the errors come in.

Are you also a fast eater?

Maybe trying consciously to be the last person to finish and put much smaller bites on your fork would help.

That sounds so weird. What I should have added is that she has always blamed the size of her chest because it just gets in the way and stuff tends to drop on her clothes rather than back on the plate/table/napkin so it's more obvious that she's making a mess than other people (who are generally messy too but it's hidden)

I’m the same. I mostly solved it by stopping using cutlery in the traditional British manner: now I just use a fork in my right hand like a shovel, or a spoon if possible. It’s helped. After years of everyone being able to guess what I’d eaten for lunch by the front of my dress, I don’t give a fuck what people think of my cutlery manners.

All the people on here insisting they don't care what anyone thinks of them are protesting too much.

Me too OP!

Maybe stop shoveling it in? I have the same problem op and it's because I hoover my food. SLOW DOWN

At my old age, I have realised you’re either a food dropper or you’re not! I am and wear patterned tops/dresses so the food stains aren’t as noticeable. It’s certainly never stopped me eating out.

One of my friends is the same - she's a big lady with an ample bosom and is always spilling food down herself but I'm sure it's because her body gets in the way of her food reaching her mouth or she can't actually see what she's doing with her fork.

Me too - I am SO clumsy and no top ever survives dinner without a blob down the front. I also smash things, drop things and fall over a lot. I am just clumsy.

If you’re getting over excited to eat, then you need to try to,recognise this when you eat and slow yourself down. I’m also picturing you shovelling it in fast and it spilling everywhere, which is anything but cute. If I’m honest I’d be a bit disgusted by it. But I hate poor table manners.

try to exercise some self restraint.

As others have mentioned - I have this problem and it's down to what I call my boob shelf! I'm in no way a fast eater and have very good manners but if I'm eating anything that's runny if anything drips off my spoon or fork it ends up on my front rather than back onto my plate!

My husband is messy eater, because he eats very fast- maybe that's the case? Food is always on his t-shirt, I say "look, you've got bonus leftovers" 😂

Are you a larger lady?

My mum has the same issue, always joke that within 2 hours of being dressed in the morning she’d have some stain on her top! She has never got through an entire day without a food stain

And it seems to be due to her body being in the way of full dexterity re getting food into her mouth

DS has dyspraxia and is a very messy eater and struggles to manipulate cutlery to use it effectively. He's at secondary and I still have to remind him to sit, line the food up to him and use cutlery.

I notice my grip is affected by the menstrual cycle and there's a phase of the month where I drop things more.
I often wear my food but am better at checking my face for evidence than DS.

Assuming there is nothing neurological at play, this is a really strange problem for an adult woman to have.

I’m an adult woman and I have the large bosom/food issue too. I’m super careful but it still happens a lot.

I don’t even necessarily need to drop anything, it’s enough to cut into something that squirts juice or puffs out crumbs — my bosom is just way closer to the contact zone than the average person’s 😳