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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to stop SS slamming doors

46 replies

feghs324 · 20/01/2023 12:10

My parter's son is 17 and lives with us every other week (so seven days with us, seven days at his mum's etc etc).

We all get on well, but I've long been very frustrated with the amount of noise he makes at home at unsociable hours. I'd like some advice on one particular thing though - I don't have kids myself and would be interested to get a parent's take.

He isn't in school anymore and works full time in the trade industry so is up around 6am every morning. He is SO loud, running around like an elephant and always slams the bathroom door so it wakes me up every morning. My alarm is normally set for between 6.30-7am but that half an hour/hour makes a difference to me. My OH is a really deep sleeper - sometimes it wakes him up, sometimes it doesn't.

It wouldn't bother me so much if he also didn't stomp around the house until midnight most nights when I try to go to bed at around 10pm normally - so I'm up until midnight with the noise often and then again woken up around 6am.

WWYD? We have had the conversation with him a million times asking him to be quieter/more considerate but it just doesn't sink in and nothing changes.

For context we live in an apartment so it's not like a big house - you can hear EVERYTHING.

Also YABU - teenagers are loud
YANBU - he should be more considerate about other people living in the house

OP posts:
Lenald · 20/01/2023 12:12

Maybe reasonable conversation isn’t getting through to him?

I wouldn’t be intentionally rude but I wouldn’t hide that I’m pissed.

Saying this, I’m assuming you’ve been around for years? It may be a teeny bit different if you’re new?

daisyjgrey · 20/01/2023 12:14

I work night shifts in a house full of teenagers. If you have no other children, wear earplugs and save your energy, he won't listen/remember/take it on board for a while yet...

Beamur · 20/01/2023 12:15

Can you put something on the door to muffle.the sound or slow down the hinge?

yousmellnice · 20/01/2023 12:15

Google "hushbumps"

Shock him and dad should yell at him to shut the fuck up.

Ispini · 20/01/2023 12:15

YANBU, ask him to rent his own flat and see how his neighbours tolerate him making such a racket. He’s old enough to realize he’s not being considerate and he’s lucky to have you. Alternatively wake him up at three in the morning, childish I know but it might make him understand how it’s affecting you. I would be furious!

Florencenotflo · 20/01/2023 12:15

I've no idea how you can actually make him more considerate, but thinking practically, is there anything you can put on the doors to muffle the sound of them slamming? Like soft close mechanisms or even just some felt pads on the frame so the door doesn't bang?

yousmellnice · 20/01/2023 12:17

Or ask him to move out

yousmellnice · 20/01/2023 12:17

Decibel meter and if it records his slam about a certain level £50 is added on to his rent

Newtrick · 20/01/2023 12:21

Do you think its deliberate?

I'm heavy footed and clumsy so I naturally sound like a herd of elephants. Even when I'm tiptoing

Original poster
feghs324 · 20/01/2023 12:25

I tried those foam strips once around the side of the door but they were too thick and made the door hard to close which ended up in him slamming it even harder to get it to close! I've just googled hushbumps though and they might be better - thanks @yousmellnice I'll give them a go.

I originally thought a monetary punishment but as he works full time my partner doesn't really give him any money at all anymore. He doesn't pay rent or anything though yet so we can't take it off that.

Nothing goes through to him though - he's not been officially diagnosed but the doc thinks he has ADHD which probably doesn't help. Honestly the number of times I tell him to turn off lights when he's not using a room for example and I'll come home and every single light in the house will be left on!

OP posts:
Original poster
feghs324 · 20/01/2023 12:26

@Newtrick no I don't think it's deliberate, I think he is just a loud person but at 6am in the morning or after we are in bed I would expect him to at least try to walk around more quietly and be careful slamming stuff

OP posts:
MyNameisMathilda · 20/01/2023 12:26

Wake your H up every single time you hear something.

Emmamoo89 · 20/01/2023 12:29

YANBU X

MaybeSmaller · 20/01/2023 12:34

yousmellnice · 20/01/2023 12:17

Or ask him to move out

"move out" he's not a lodger ffs!😆He's a 17 year old kid living with his dad. It's his home.

Original poster
feghs324 · 20/01/2023 12:40

Tried waking my H up everytime it happened but ironically he just got angry that I woke him up!!

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 20/01/2023 12:42

Yeah, I know it's not ideal but if your DH doesn't get disturbed, I really would try to suck it up and wear ear plugs or something.

And hope like h that it won't last for much longer.

Can2022getanyworse · 20/01/2023 12:42

At 17 I suspect he likes his weekend lie-ins. Time for some early (well, 9am) hoovering, if he doesn't like it tough.

Toomanysleepycats · 20/01/2023 12:45

Can you pin notices on all the relevant doors? Please close door Quietly.

Reminders to keep the noise down. Maybe if he sees it in front of him, it might help him remember.

I tried something like this once with my husband - didn’t work.

SpareHeirOverThere · 20/01/2023 12:47

Keep waking up DH until DH does something to sort the problem. Wake him up even if you don't hear anything. Just keep disturbing his sleep, night after night, until he agrees to take action.

Whether he decides on a fine, or waking up his ds at 3am, or whatever - that's for him to figure out. Your job is just to keep waking DH. Every time.

Tell him the anger he feels for you waking him is equal to the anger you feel at his son for waking you.

ForgottenNurseryRhymes · 20/01/2023 12:49

Is his hearing ok? He may not be aware of the noise he is making

RandomMess · 20/01/2023 12:54

It's an issue with mine, I took the latch of the bathroom door to stop them just shoving it shut. May threaten it on the bedroom doors yet.

I am light sleeper which doesn't help Sad

They don't slam them just don't use the door handle!

piliomachaon · 20/01/2023 12:55

Presumably you notice it more because you have a full week with no extra noise when he's at him mums. If you've go no other kids. It could be that you me not that used to the noise of other people moving about in the house, especially at night when it's quieter outside too. You could try talking to him again and investing in some earplugs if no change.

Parentandteacher · 20/01/2023 12:57

daisyjgrey · 20/01/2023 12:14

I work night shifts in a house full of teenagers. If you have no other children, wear earplugs and save your energy, he won't listen/remember/take it on board for a while yet...

This

Daffodilis · 20/01/2023 13:01

My 17 year old son bounces down the stairs like a herd of elephant, I swear he is going to go through them one day. He doesn't believe me when I tell him

randomchap · 20/01/2023 13:08

He may not understand quite how loud he's being and thinks you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Have you considered recording the noise on your phone so he's fully aware of how loud he's being?

If this doesn't work then you'll need to make sure there's consequences for his inconsiderate behaviour.

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