How to stop SS slamming doors

[feghs324]

My parter's son is 17 and lives with us every other week (so seven days with us, seven days at his mum's etc etc).

We all get on well, but I've long been very frustrated with the amount of noise he makes at home at unsociable hours. I'd like some advice on one particular thing though - I don't have kids myself and would be interested to get a parent's take.

He isn't in school anymore and works full time in the trade industry so is up around 6am every morning. He is SO loud, running around like an elephant and always slams the bathroom door so it wakes me up every morning. My alarm is normally set for between 6.30-7am but that half an hour/hour makes a difference to me. My OH is a really deep sleeper - sometimes it wakes him up, sometimes it doesn't.

It wouldn't bother me so much if he also didn't stomp around the house until midnight most nights when I try to go to bed at around 10pm normally - so I'm up until midnight with the noise often and then again woken up around 6am.

WWYD? We have had the conversation with him a million times asking him to be quieter/more considerate but it just doesn't sink in and nothing changes.

For context we live in an apartment so it's not like a big house - you can hear EVERYTHING.

Also YABU - teenagers are loud
YANBU - he should be more considerate about other people living in the house

There is some awful advice on here. My Dad always said the same to me and my sibling growing up, especially when we used to come home late from being out with friends, it just doesn’t always occur to teenagers how loud they are and if you spend a week living on your own, you would have got used to the quiet mornings, so that’s why you’re noticing it.

I slam doors by accident 😳 my mum use to tell me off all the time but I didn’t do it on purpose! I think getting something like what PPs have suggested is probs the best way to go.

Small furniture style pads on door frame can help.

He should leave home in the not too distant future . Getear plugs.

Get some really large rubber bands and hook them from one door knob around the door and over the attaching doorknob on the other side.

Ask him to shut the doors quietly. The rubber bands will remind him.

We have this with our youngest who's nearly an adult. He will slam the bathroom door next to our bedroom, open the window and slam it shut a few mins later. This with general bathroom noise is enough to wake us as he goes to bed a silly times. He has ADHD too and I think it's the inattention and being in his own world that means he forgets every day. The rubber band thing is a silent reminder to shut the door quietly as it needs physically removing before the door will shut.

Exactly. As I said before this is a child living in the parental home, not some adult lodger you could kick out or charge more rent to.

He is earning money and cost of living is high

Well there must be some point when he sleeps. At the weekends? I'd be doing what he does and slamming around when he's a trying to sleep

I recently read that people with ADHD are much more likely to be inintentionally loud and do things like slam doors.

Doesn't make it any easier to live with.

How did he know you woke him? I’d do it so it seems like he was woken by his son. Like a loud clap by him.

Pick your battles. Don’t nag about every little thing he does- give up on him turning out the lights for now. It sounds like the bathroom door slamming is the biggest issue. A sign or two in prominent places in the bathroom to remind him not to slam the door should work. Try sleeping with a fan on or a white noise machine.

just curious- what doctor thinks he has adhd? Do you have access to his doctor, or is it your doctor that you’ve complained to and that has never actually had contact with your ss?

We just sat down with our dd when she was 12/13 and had a talk about how we needed her to be a considerate member of the household. We try to reciprocate. She isn’t perfect, she is a teenager, but she does try. We have the conversation periodically when things start to slip.

I think it’s easier when you start training them young. Still probably worth yet another family conversation during the day when no one is grumpy or especially sleep deprived.

"just curious- what doctor thinks he has adhd? Do you have access to his doctor, or is it your doctor that you’ve complained to and that has never actually had contact with your ss?"

No I don't have access to the doctor, OH has taken him to the doctor twice who suggested he take medication for it but SS refused.

Re the topic of rent, he doesn't pay now but when he turns 18 I think it's fair. He takes home around 2,000 quid a month right now which is a lot more disposable income than me, and I pay half the mortgage, towards his bills etc.

I've just invested in ear plugs so let's see if they help!

Invest in some blue tack and some brightly coloured paper.

Write things like 'QUIET PLEASE' and 'PLEASE DO NOT SLAM THIS DOOR' in large lettering, and plaster notes in a prominent position on both sides of all the offending doors.

Wow. What is this 17 year old child actually doing for a job that he is taking home £2k, net of tax, each month?

That is an absolutely bonkers income for a teenager. I was well into my thirties before I earned anywhere near that, even adjusted for inflation.

It doesn't change my view in any way, but I can understand how it might wind you up.

Not to labour the point, but £2000 take home means his gross annual salary is about £30,000. He's a 17 year old child!

continue to wake your DH. If he gets angry tell him to control the source of the noise.
Tell SS that every time he wakes you up you are going to do the same to him. At 3am, at 4am, whenever he's asleep at the weekend. And do it.

Yes, teenagers are selfish. Yes they can learn not to be.