The ADHD family - to think that our family life is complicated and people don't always get it

[FarStarAway]

It all started with our son being assessed for adhd and autism. The penny then dropped for me as I started exploring adhd in women and I got assessed too. My husband also displays clear signs of adhd and will also be getting assessed at some point. My husband and I also have long term clinical anxiety which obviously can be associated with adhd. Our dd is only 18 months but I worry about her too as she gets older. If we're all neurodiverse, is family life ever going to be straightforward?

As it is, we function (somehow) but life is very chaotic day to day despite us trying our best and we really do try. However, I think their are friends and family who don't get how difficult it is. Will neurodiversity be more widely understood one day? To our neurotypical friends/family we probably 'appear' dysfunctional and I feel like I sometimes trying to mask it in front of others.

Based on Mumsnet threads there seem to be more people who are neurodiverse than aren’t these days, or at least have someone in their direct family who is neurodiverse. So yes I think understanding will increase.

Where I work, I see neurodiversity mentioned every day.

I thought I'd written that post myself until I go to the DH bit 😅. My DH is nt and so is my eldest. Youngest is austistic and adhd with very strong pda prone to outbursts of rage and aggression if he is surprised or overwhelmed or...sometimes just spoken to. Our household flexes around my youngest in the main. My diagnosis explained so much but yes our house is never organised, and we don't socialise or do spontaneous visitors or activities because there's often an element of chaos going on. I suspect other people think we're just being precious but I don't really care because we need to keep things as calm as possible.

Mine was a nd household when my kids were growing up, we just didn't know it at the time! As teens, the kids used to tell their friends that we're not like other families. They meant it positively BTW. We're all nd, including the ex husband. You find your own way of doing things.

As above. I work with young people and every other person seems to have ADHD, so I think it will become much more accepted in time.

We are a family of 6, and half of us are NT.

We are an ND family, mixture of asd, adhd and dyspraxia. It can be chaotic but I think in lots of ways it's helpful because we understand each other.

honestly, as someone from a ND family where we're pretty much ALL ND.. adapt your life to your needs.. stop trying to make your needs fit your life.

The sooner you stop trying to force yourselves as a family to fit the 'norm' in ways that stress you out because its what everyone else expects of you the better.

When my DC were diagnosed, the team looked at our family history:
My DC are the fourth generation - AS / ADHD only become a problem when the conditions clash with society's expectations.

No just lots of people who post online frequently.

Knew this level of ignorance was coming 🙄

It’s true though

can people claim disability benefits for ADHD?

Nope.

Dickheads out already I see.

I guess you just continue living the best you can, like any other family. Being NT doesn't always mean life is organised or functional in the same way as you can live a good life with conditions too.

The ableist dickheads really are out in force today 🙄

Yes you can claim benefits for adhd depending how severely affected you are

Similar situation, both kids affected and possibly myself. This thread is already evidencing that indeed, people don’t get it. I hardly talk to anyone about it, it’s a guaranteed way to bring out ableism in its worst forms.

@Cellotapedispenser I feel your pain. My DD (10) is suspected ASC with PDA and potentially ADHD. We have a DD also ND and I suspect both and and my husband

The fact you have a husband and 2 kids so therefore also assuming a house and jobs means your pretty much already ‘normal’ whatever that is.

The whole saying is ‘married with 2.4 kids’

Everything else is irrelevant because every single family has ‘quirks’. Some messy house, some loud houses, some with lots of pets, some where everyone is quiet, others where they shout etc.
If you think back to childhood and going to friends houses for tea, you’d have noticed most houses are completely different to your own.

Therefore I wouldn’t worry a jot. Yes you’ll be ‘different’, but everyone’s family is different.

I’ve got ADHD - and yes I’m diagnosed (not that it matters) and I don’t like talking about it purely because of ableist dickheads. But I should be able to.

and no, I don’t claim benefits. Sorry, have i disappointed your stereotypical ableist bullshit?

Neurodivergent family here! ASD and ADHD😊 I echo what others have said about doing what is best for you and your family. We have a saying, usually in our heads, when it gets rough with strangers "Those that matter, don't mind. Those that mind, don't matter". 😉 That being said some of what you may or may not do, will seem dysfunctional to neurotypical families. I've had comments from close family members about it 🙂 We tend to be a lot less judgemental about what others do, now we understand a bit about why we work and the way we work. Parenting is hard, you'll get it wrong. As long as you educate yourself, turn up, communicate and continue to do your best, you'll get through it. We attempt to mitigate the negative possibilities of mental health issues ie depression, anxiety, low self confidence. Which tend to arise from a still very ableist society. I'm physically disabled (became so as an adult) as well as being neurodivergent (from birth, late diagnosed). There are challenges, however, they tend to come from outside our network for example the education, health, social care systems and of course individuals.

More people are open about being ND now and I think it's great. So many people would have tried to hide it before, and suffered doing so. I work with someone who is ND and is excellent at his job, and I think these 2 points are connected! But he really struggled to get work, and lots of companies missed out on hiring an exceptional employee. So the more people know and understand better ND, the better imo.

funnily enough because its genetic. if a parent has it, the kids are more like to.

ftr, myself and my DB have diagnoses, as do all of our respective kids, but out of all of us, only my oldest is disabled to the point of needing a full time carer, specialist education and in receipt of Enhanced PIP... the rest of us muddle along.

Ahh yes all the NT families living their unchaotic and trouble free lives….. give over!!