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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU DH job debate

48 replies

AskingforDHJ · 18/01/2023 21:02

I am half asking on behalf of DH, half asking WIBU for being so flatly in one jobs corner.

DH is currently stuck between a rock and a hard place making a decision whether to take a new role or not, I am very much in the camp of one job in particular, but we are disagreeing so wanted to get some external input.

Job 1 - his current role
been there for 17 months
salary - £68,000 plus 10% bonus yearly (was 20% but they’ve reduced it)

he is miserable in role, pretty much a glorified handyman, not valued but is seen as ‘useful’ snr management are very difficult to get along with, but he likes his peers and the team he manages.

Rumours swirling that the company is going to be sold within the next 6-12 months - and due to DHs job/sector being down valued in the past few years he would struggle to find another job in a hurry if made redundant (which would be likely if the company sold up) so not secure

limited to no flexibility, they get funny about WFH (apparently you can only motivate a team by sitting next to them, but that doesn’t apply for snr management who are in once a month if that)

Job 2 -
A role he has been in the process of starting for nearly a year (needed high levels of vetting so it’s been 11 months since getting an offer to being able to start)

civil service job, he has wanted to get back into the civil service since leaving 6 years ago

salary - here is the issue, a role was advertised at £45k-£66k dependant on experience, DH is somewhat over qualified for the role (which the hiring manager raised) so asked for the top of the band, was told the top of the band is for x years served so not actually achievable for new starters (so why advertise at that) and was verbally offered £55k. He was then approached for a different role with the same organisation, was told (again verbally) as it’s the same band the salary would be similar. He went for the other role as it was a better fit, and got a formal offer of £43k, which he queried, it was then raised to £45k and now is sitting at £47k which is their ‘final offer’

The people in HR he is dealing with are being quite difficult and it’s putting him off accepting.

Flexibility - very flexible, more WFH than in the office/on location, also offers compressed hours from day one if you like (so DH would plan to do 4 day weeks, which would help with childcare costs, and general work life balance)

Although he hasn’t started yet he had a few days in to spend time with the team he’d be leading, they are all lovely and he likes them.

It’s also working on a site that has sentimental meaning to him, as way back when his grandfather also worked at this location and always talked about how much he loved it etc.

Personally I am very pro job 2, we are due our first child in 8 days time and the flexibility would be helpful all round, he also gets more holiday with job 2 and I think it would be a job he is happy in, he hasn’t been ‘happy’ in a job since leaving the civil service and it really gets him down. I earn well, so salary imo isn’t the most important factor, but DH grew up ‘poor’ so is struggling to take such a large pay cut during a COL crisis.

So wise MNers

YABU - Job 1

YANBU - Job 2

OP posts:
KurriKawari · 18/01/2023 21:04

Job 2. I work CS too and the healthy pension sometimes makes up for the pay and I enjoy the flexibility and opportunities to move sideways or up.

Zone2NorthLondon · 18/01/2023 21:04

JOB 2 for his well-being and happiness

HeckyPeck · 18/01/2023 21:06

I would go for job 2 as once you're in the civil service, there's often options to move about and possibly up if that's what your DH is looking for. It's also really hard to be fired so more job security.

There might be other perks like a better pension too.

What's the difference in net? It might not be as much as he thinks with tax etc.

NextPrimeMinister · 18/01/2023 21:07

Job 2 sounds like the no brainer, but can you afford the drip combined with your reduced mat leave income?

NextPrimeMinister · 18/01/2023 21:07

Drop

BCBird · 18/01/2023 21:08

Job 2.

chipsandpeas · 18/01/2023 21:09

id say job 2 the paycut will be balanced out by the WFH and the flexibility

stepstepstep · 18/01/2023 21:13

Job 1, the thought of losing £20k in this climate brings me out in a cold sweat.

MadeOfSteel · 18/01/2023 21:13

Job 2, so long as the pay cut is managable for your family.
Being in a job which doesn't have a detrimental effect on your mental health is priceless, imo.

Pashazade · 18/01/2023 21:13

Job 2 no question, his happiness is more important than the extra money and the added flex in the new job is a definite plus with baby on the way.

BrownDaisy · 18/01/2023 21:16

Wow, a 37% pay cut from 75 with bonus to 47.
Where are you based?
Surely there's a job 3/4/5 out there that might be more acceptable?

Abba123 · 18/01/2023 21:18

Job 1.

You don’t need him home for holidays etc whilst you have a newborn, you need money, and if Job 1 collapses he might get a redundancy payout.

Even if not, he can be looking at various jobs wherever in the meantime and could still fall back on the civil service jobs because they’ll always be there.

Be smart. Not sentimental. You’re talking 12 months.

stepstepstep · 18/01/2023 21:19

Also you are constraining your own options post mat leave as your family finances will rely on your wage (if I’ve understood you right OP)

HikingforScenery · 18/01/2023 21:19

You earn well? How well? Is it more than DH’s? That’s quite a drop in income.
Does he want to work from home that much?
Job 2 sounds good but I wouldn’t drop that much income. Can he keep looking? Shame he didn’t take the first CS role

AskingforDHJ · 18/01/2023 21:20

NextPrimeMinister · 18/01/2023 21:07

Job 2 sounds like the no brainer, but can you afford the drip combined with your reduced mat leave income?

I get 9 months enhanced mat leave (full pay) and 3 months full pay at the end if I return to test flexible working arrangements which I will be doing (so we get full pay but can test 2 day weeks, 3 day weeks to see what is the best fit) so it’s not a concern.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 18/01/2023 21:21

It would be job 1 for me. I'd keep a plan in mind if it does go Pete Tong at some point in the future.

AskingforDHJ · 18/01/2023 21:22

BrownDaisy · 18/01/2023 21:16

Wow, a 37% pay cut from 75 with bonus to 47.
Where are you based?
Surely there's a job 3/4/5 out there that might be more acceptable?

Unfortunately there isn’t a job 3,4 or 5 which is adding to my pushing of job 2.

He has been applying (less actively but still applying) during this vetting period as he wasn’t sure the job would pull through, and has had nothing, no offers, so the thought of him losing his current job would mean he’d be likely to be out of work for a while, and then forced to take a role offering even less than Job 2 is currently offering.

He works in a role that since the pandemic has been cut from many businesses, and the companies that haven’t cut the role(s) definitely don’t pay as much for them as they did.

3 years ago he was on £85k plus bonus, so has already had a big drop so I can understand why another one is off putting

OP posts:
AskingforDHJ · 18/01/2023 21:23

HikingforScenery · 18/01/2023 21:19

You earn well? How well? Is it more than DH’s? That’s quite a drop in income.
Does he want to work from home that much?
Job 2 sounds good but I wouldn’t drop that much income. Can he keep looking? Shame he didn’t take the first CS role

I earn £70k a year, plus 15% bonus.

OP posts:
Wookiebowl · 18/01/2023 21:24

Job 2, can progress quickly in the CS and the entire package and flexibility is a no brainer with a family.

NEmama · 18/01/2023 21:24

Depends if you can afford the pay drop

flabbygoldfish · 18/01/2023 21:24

Work life balance is about to become critical - Job 2. It does not need to be forever and he can move around/up later on.

AskingforDHJ · 18/01/2023 21:25

MadeOfSteel · 18/01/2023 21:13

Job 2, so long as the pay cut is managable for your family.
Being in a job which doesn't have a detrimental effect on your mental health is priceless, imo.

This is my exact view, he suffers with depression which is exasperated by his current role imo, has also been diagnosed with high blood pressure too (our GP said he is the youngest, fittest person he has ever seen with such a high blood pressure) which worries me, he shouldn’t be on higher dosage blood pressure medication at 34 than his dad whose had 2 heart attacks (but he is)

OP posts:
BackOnTheBandWagon · 18/01/2023 21:25

Job 2, especially if he's over qualified - he can move up to G6 quickly, and try for Deputy Director roles soon enough if he wants to

FirstFallopians · 18/01/2023 21:29

Job 2, no brainer as a parent.

DH and I both have extremely flexible jobs with a lot of working from home and bosses that trust us to get on with our work without being constantly supervised.

It would have been great before kids, but I can’t emphasise enough how hassle free our lives are with the kids because we aren’t panicking about being late for work due to school-run traffic or worrying about asking for annual leave to go to a nativity etc.

DH is on a great wage, but I’m not. I’ve been weighing up on whether to start looking for somewhere else, but honestly I value the work/life balance too much.

NoodleDoodleDo · 18/01/2023 21:35

Job 2 as it sounds like you can afford the drop. In any event, it also sounds like the drop will be enforced on him in 12 ish months if made redundant.

There will be opportunies to move around and up in CS.

The flexibility will be great with baby arriving.

Your post about depression and high BP is worrying. He needs to think about what baby needs in a Dad - present, healthy, and happy are pretty basic and will benefit baby much more than some extra money will, particularly when you earn well too