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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner going on last minute holiday

47 replies

elmfield4 · 18/01/2023 08:56

DP has been asked to go away for a week next week by extended family members. Aibu to think this is too short notice? For context we have DD3 who has ASD so needs a lot of extra support. I will be in work next week on the days that he is usually at home with DD so we have no one to look after her and I can’t just take time off work at the drop of a hat. He said he’s definitely going, I’m being controlling by saying no to him going and I’ll just have to sort out childcare for our DD.

OP posts:
PineappleIceCream · 18/01/2023 08:57

Surely if he’s off on holiday when he usually looks after your DD the onus should be on him to find a solution. It’s not fair to spring it on you this late in the day

BitOutOfPractice · 18/01/2023 08:58

If he wants to go he has to be the one to sort out care for his DD when he would normally have her.

Confusedteacher · 18/01/2023 08:58

Surely it’s his job to sort out childcare for DD on his days?!

LordSugarTits · 18/01/2023 08:59

He'll need to sort out the childcare on the days he was meant to have her.

Backtoreality1 · 18/01/2023 09:01

Totally agree....his holiday, so he needs to sort out child care!

Mindymomo · 18/01/2023 09:02

Who does he think is going to look after DD3 or can he take her with him.

junebirthdaygirl · 18/01/2023 09:04

Sure he can go once he has sorted childcare. Not your problem as those are his days for looking after little one. What suggestions has he got. Surely someone the child knows well considering ASD.

JE17 · 18/01/2023 09:04

Can he take DD with him on the holiday?

deeperthanallroses · 18/01/2023 09:05

When is he next at work and who looks after dd? Hopefully it’s Friday and you do- instead go out the night before, pack something’s and stay at a friends. Message him something came up, I’m staying over and out tomorrow, you’ll have to sort dd. And when you get home Friday night say I have a couple more of these owed, it’s helpful to know I don’t have to give you any notice to take an extra day looking after dd. I might even go on holiday.

because really he’s a shit. Decent dads don’t do this.

Original poster
elmfield4 · 18/01/2023 09:05

Due to DDs needs he wouldn’t be take her with him as it’s a skiing holiday. He usually has her on Saturdays when I’m in work so we would need someone to look after her for two Saturdays. My DParents are the only people who can look after her other than nursery but they also work Saturdays too so they can’t look after her.

OP posts:
LordSugarTits · 18/01/2023 09:07

So he's saying he's going and leaving his child with nobody to look after her. If he goes I'd honestly tell him to not bother fucking coming back and I'd mean it. What a shit dad and "partner" he really is.

Shelby2010 · 18/01/2023 09:07

If DH tried to pull this stunt, his choices would be to sort childcare himself, take dd with him or fuck off & not come back at all.

AlisonDonut · 18/01/2023 09:08

So who is he expecting to look after his child?

Whataretheodds · 18/01/2023 09:09

LordSugarTits · 18/01/2023 09:07

So he's saying he's going and leaving his child with nobody to look after her. If he goes I'd honestly tell him to not bother fucking coming back and I'd mean it. What a shit dad and "partner" he really is.

This

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/01/2023 09:12

Well, he sounds charming. What are you going to do? I don't think I could get past the him calling you controlling or saying its your job to plug his childcare gaps.

Snaketime · 18/01/2023 09:13

LordSugarTits · 18/01/2023 09:07

So he's saying he's going and leaving his child with nobody to look after her. If he goes I'd honestly tell him to not bother fucking coming back and I'd mean it. What a shit dad and "partner" he really is.

I fully agree with this. I would also tell him 'I might be controlling, but you are selfish'

BusyMum47 · 18/01/2023 09:13

What a delightful prick!

If you can stand to have him back at all after his selfish jolly, I'd definitely book a holiday for yourself, leaving him to parent solo for a while.

Coffeeandchocs · 18/01/2023 09:14

Is this going to be a drip feed of how he has never taken responsibility for his child and everything falls on you OP?

I can’t imagine an otherwise good father would suddenly make this kind of move.

He sounds horrid.

oviraptor21 · 18/01/2023 09:14

Agree with all above.
And his attitude that it's your problem would fuck me right off too. If he'd approached it as a request then maybe just maybe. But that would be a potential LTB for me ...... counselling first and see how you get on?

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 18/01/2023 09:14

You need to break out the anger and nasty words.

He is abandoning his kids. He needs to sort out care for them. He knows your situation, he is causing the problems. He needs to solve them or he might find his home status completely changed upon his return.

He is being a selfish arse. No matter how much he needs a break, how burned out he might be feeling, walking out on his family without sorting childcare etc is not acceptable.

Cornelious · 18/01/2023 09:17

For me going away is not the issue. Both dh and I have been away, which has on occasions meant the other person taking annual leave/ swapping work days to accommodate child/ dog care. It's the short notice and him not making alternative arrangements or giving you time to arrange a days annual leave that is the issue.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/01/2023 09:20

I'd be telling him that if he goes on this holiday, he shouldn't bother coming back. I hope his parents are happy for him to move back home.

Original poster
elmfield4 · 18/01/2023 09:30

I’m more than happy for him to go on holiday on his own, he’s going on a stag do later on in the year and that’s fine. I don’t think he can spring something on me this short notice and think it’s okay. He suggested some random family member to look after DD who has never looked after her before. I’m not prepared to fob my daughter off to anyone when she requires 1-2-1 support at all times and quite frankly, hard work at times.

OP posts:
Original poster
elmfield4 · 18/01/2023 09:32

*is hard work

OP posts:
Needanewnamebeingwatched · 18/01/2023 09:34

elmfield4 · 18/01/2023 08:56

DP has been asked to go away for a week next week by extended family members. Aibu to think this is too short notice? For context we have DD3 who has ASD so needs a lot of extra support. I will be in work next week on the days that he is usually at home with DD so we have no one to look after her and I can’t just take time off work at the drop of a hat. He said he’s definitely going, I’m being controlling by saying no to him going and I’ll just have to sort out childcare for our DD.

If he is insisting he is going, then it's his job to sort out childcare for the child he should have been looking after while your at work.

If he can't sort this then he can't go

I love how men get to say "your being controlling" when they want to drop everything and swan off, and you're like this won't work.

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