Partner going on last minute holiday

[elmfield4]

DP has been asked to go away for a week next week by extended family members. Aibu to think this is too short notice? For context we have DD3 who has ASD so needs a lot of extra support. I will be in work next week on the days that he is usually at home with DD so we have no one to look after her and I can’t just take time off work at the drop of a hat. He said he’s definitely going, I’m being controlling by saying no to him going and I’ll just have to sort out childcare for our DD.

Is it just the Saturday’s that’s a problem? Can he fly out on Saturday evening/ Sunday morning and come back the Friday evening? He won’t miss much skiing that way

He sounds so selfish.

What is he like otherwise? I really can’t imagine a decent devoted dad doing this and taking this attitude about it.

He needs to sort out suitable childcare for your DD and by suitable I mean someone that she’s used to and is used to her before he can agree to go.

Men who are selfish always pull the ‘you’re being controlling,’ card when told they can’t do something that they want to do. You know that you’re not unreasonable.

He needs to find childcare

What a selfish prick!

I know you said that he can't take your DD but I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms that he will be sorting suitable childcare as it's him that would usually be doing it and if he didn't (not some random that your DD doesn't know) then not to bother coming back!

Honestly!

This.

What a waster.

Now you know how little he feels for you and his child.

Don't have another child with this loser for goodness sake.

If he covers both Saturdays then surely he could just go for fewer days so he can be home both saturdays

I see it's not just MN users who overuse the word 'controlling', it seems to have made its way to their partners too.

I think you’re missing the issue here.

OP shouldn’t be coming up with ways her partner can make this holiday work. It’s not up to her. His attitude was I’m going and you have to resolve the childcare issue. I certainly wouldn’t be pleading with him to just cut the trip short. I’d be telling him he’s a terrible father and that the relationship is over.

Ltb

Oh you’re being controlling for expecting him to meet his responsibilities as a parent 🙄

Is he always such a thoughtless knob?

I would have no problem with the invitation - after all its an invitation not a summons. However his attitude and behaviour is not right. It is up to him to arrange babysitting on his days, not you. So for him to go and leave you with the task (when you work) is not suitable. I presume he is also then putting your wage in danger as you may lose your job.

That isn’t how being a parent works, you can’t just swan off on holiday and leave it down to you to sort out care. I’d seriously be evaluating your relationship as his priorities seem wayyyy off.

I'm not missing the issue. I've addressed the issue earlier in the thread. I'm also not suggesting that the OP does anything to arrange this new suggestion.

I'm just throwing into the mix that if he was any good as a dad and a husband he would have found an alternative way to make this work for them both without reacting the way he did.

I also hate how the word "controlling" is bandied around as soon as someone is asked to deal with something which is their responsibility and not simply waltz off at the drop of a hat not giving a shit who is going to care for their child.
The word "controlling" needs to be banned as it has lost all meaning. People seem to just use it to get another person to shut the fuck up and do what they want them to do.

There wouldn't be a issue with the partner going on the skiing holiday if he had planned this in advanced and then come up with a suitable childcare solution. Or even the short notice wouldn't be that bad as long as childcare was found - and not simply dumping this on the OP who is supposed to take time off work or magic up some person out of thin air to care for the child.
He is completely irresponsible and pathetic.

I would be reconsidering my future with someone who did that.

If he hasn't sorted the childcare then I'd be inclined to leave the house a few hours before he needs to leave for the flight, leaving the kids with him, and be uncontactable til after his flight leaves.

I'm raging on your behalf. What TF does he mean YOU'LL just have to sort childcare!
You can't get time off work, I'm presuming any of his family that might have had your daughter will be on said holiday, so that leaves your family. He's welcome to ask them.
If he goes away without sorting anything out that would be the end of my relationship. This is about him relinquishing his parental responsibility, a cardinal sin in my eyes.

So he’s gonna swan off on holiday… knowing you have to phone in and say you can’t work to look after your child? That’s disgusting. 1, I think it’s ridiculous doing a last min holiday like that anyway, especially without your partner but that’s another thing. But mainly your child is both your responsibility. He’s being a twat. Tell him to go and not come back. Tool. And telling you you’re controlling… yeah ok 🙄

He needs to sort out all the shit so it doesn’t impact you. And dumping his SEN daughter with a random family member is not ok.

This OP.

I know it'll cause war when he misses his flight or whatever but at least it'll be out in the open.
Otherwise you'll have a cold war that will drag and drag with fights and tension for ages.
Bite the bullet and do this. Make sure that you turn off your phone.

His holiday, he needs to sort childcare and back up childcare. Then he can go. He is her parent too.

Just came across this post. Intrigued to know what happened OP?