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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it weird that dd9 dad always asks her about boyfriends but never asks her brothers similar?

28 replies

CarpetHorror · 16/01/2023 18:57

AIBU to think it's a bit weird that ex asks dd9 about 'boyfriends' every time he speaks to her. She doesn't bring it up - he asks her.

He doesn't ask her older brothers about girlfriends.

OP posts:
StephanieSuperpowers · 16/01/2023 18:59

She's 9? Of course it's weird.

CohenTree · 16/01/2023 18:59

I would say he's being a protective Dad. A little old-fashioned, admittedly.

PinkSyCo · 16/01/2023 19:02

I think it is weird and a shame that he’s normalising a 9 year having a boyfriend. Tell him to leave her alone.

Original poster
CarpetHorror · 16/01/2023 19:03

He seems to find it funny and she find it embarrassing. Not sure there's anything protective about it.

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 16/01/2023 19:03

yes it is. He either questions them all or none

tell Him if he continues she won’t be telling him anything as she gets older.

Original poster
CarpetHorror · 16/01/2023 19:04

She has friends who are boys and he always says are they her boyfriend. I don't like the message it sends.

OP posts:
watchfulwishes · 16/01/2023 19:04

There is nothing protective about that, he is being gross and inappropriate.

sunnydayhereandnow · 16/01/2023 19:06

Totally inappropriate and creepy

Aeroflot21 · 16/01/2023 19:06

Very strange - she’s 9!! He needs to let her be a child and do age appropriate things. There’ll be plenty of time for boys later! Out of interest, how does your DD take it when he mentions it - does she find it funny, or annoying? It sounds like it could get frustrating if he keeps on mentioning it.

SueVineer · 16/01/2023 19:07

Yes it’s weird and creepy

Warspite · 16/01/2023 19:08

Tell him to stop it! Stop it, now!
It’s inappropriate and creepy. FFS, she’s 9.

Original poster
CarpetHorror · 16/01/2023 19:10

Ok, I am glad I'm not overreacting. I think it's creepy and sexist and dd finds it embarrassing. I will raise it with him (it won't go down well but I have to try).

OP posts:
changingforthebetter3 · 16/01/2023 19:14

Yeah it needs raising with him. She shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable, it's not fair.

magicofthefae · 16/01/2023 19:17

Yeah definitely raise it with him, it's inappropriate.
If she were 15 or 16, fine. But 9, she's still a baby!

Also, it sends out the wrong message to your daughter, that interactions with the opposite sex are for romance purposes primarily...and not platonic/friendship purposes.

Why doesn't he ask his older sons about girlfriends? It's weird.

Ask your daughter to not answer the question, anytime her dad asks her. Say, I'm not going into this with you anymore.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/01/2023 19:19

CarpetHorror · 16/01/2023 19:10

Ok, I am glad I'm not overreacting. I think it's creepy and sexist and dd finds it embarrassing. I will raise it with him (it won't go down well but I have to try).

It is creepy and sexist. And kind of homophobic as well.

Using a girl's embarrassment as entertainment? Yuk. Training her to put up with banter (I despise this) so other men and boys can.

He's a pig.

Original poster
CarpetHorror · 16/01/2023 19:21

Well, sadly he is truly a pig so I shouldn't really be surprised.

OP posts:
StephanieSuperpowers · 16/01/2023 19:24

Good for you knowing that something was amiss and choosing to support your little girl, OP.

nocoolnamesleft · 16/01/2023 19:26

Another vote for creepy.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 16/01/2023 19:37

Yuk. Creepy and inappropriate.

CohenTree · 17/01/2023 04:58

If a girl announces that she has (a) boyfriend(s), as OPs daughter has done, then it is completely normal and protective for a father to want to know about them.
And there's nothing wrong with a bit of lighthearted teasing from a family member.
Good grief you are all uptight.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/01/2023 05:03

CohenTree · 17/01/2023 04:58

If a girl announces that she has (a) boyfriend(s), as OPs daughter has done, then it is completely normal and protective for a father to want to know about them.
And there's nothing wrong with a bit of lighthearted teasing from a family member.
Good grief you are all uptight.

This little girl, a child, single figures and at primary school.... has boys who are her friends. All perfectly nice and innocent. She hasn't said she has a boyfriend and even if she did, she's a little girl.

He's not asking to be cute, he's asking to laugh at her.

Once again, pig.

CohenTree · 17/01/2023 05:06

He's not asking to be cute, he's asking to laugh at her.

Once again, pig.

You're taking a wild guess about what motivates a complete stranger. It says more about you than about the other person.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/01/2023 05:08

CohenTree · 17/01/2023 05:06

He's not asking to be cute, he's asking to laugh at her.

Once again, pig.

You're taking a wild guess about what motivates a complete stranger. It says more about you than about the other person.

OP knows him and said, "He seems to find it funny and she find it embarrassing. Not sure there's anything protective about it." And I suppose she'd know better than either of us.

Slimjimtobe · 17/01/2023 05:09

Just tell your daughter to say something like ‘wierd’ every time he mentions it

so he gets the message.

ChillysWaterBottle · 17/01/2023 05:16

Weird, sexist and unpleasant - like a pp said, making girls embarrassed or uncomfortable for entertainment is not on.

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