Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have fallen out with old friend over her recent behaviour towards me?

56 replies

christmaspixie · 05/02/2008 15:16

Mmmm, not sure really if I'm over-reacting. I'm 30 weeks pregnant (and rather anxty!),and have a two yr old. Last week me, Dh and toddler had planned a London trip for work to cover two very stressful and packed work days (one for Dh, one for me) I had asked a very good old friend of mine who lives in London if we could stay with them for just one night. (Her and her partner recently came for 2 days free on hol with us, and I put my friend up numerous times when I was the one living in London) All was planned and fine, I spoke to her two nights before and it was all arranged. At 2.30 pm on the afternoon before we were due to go (at 5am next morning) she emailed me to cancel. Only citing that her DP had a busy day at work the following day, and could we find somewhere else to stay. I was pretty livid, and perhaps over-reacted, I emailed back a few choice words asking why she hadn't called me to explain personally. I was having a stressful day already preparing for the work meeting in London, and had to spend the afternoon phoning hotels to find one that was available. Her DP then called me to have a go at me, saying she was crying and I'd better ring her to apologise ?!!! That just flipped me over the edge and I was rather rude to him, I'm afraid. I spent much of the rest of the day in tears! Since then I have emailed and apologised for being rude, but explained how let down at the last minute I felt. She has only contacted me to say how rude she felt I was, no apology, nothing. I feel like not speaking to her for a very long time! Perhaps as she has no kids she doesn't appreciate the stress of combining pregnancy/ toddler and work trip... but even so I think she should have called. Am I being unreasonable? And pregnantly hormonal?

OP posts:
MsHighwater · 06/02/2008 16:05

Jackstini has a good point, though. What if your pc had been down? Or you just didn't check your email again before leaving?

To leave it so late and then rely on an email to cancel is not only thoughtless and rude but really, really stupid, imo.

I hope that your friend eventually calms down and realises that she has done wrong. Perhaps your (ahem) robust response made her defensive and sent her into attack mode to compensate for her shame over treating you so shoddily.

lizziemun · 06/02/2008 17:06

I would leave it for now, as you say you have made three attemps to contact her and she has not repsonded.

But you wait when she and her dp need to use you again she will be back in contact with you.

ThreeBluecubs · 06/02/2008 17:15

I would leave it totally for a while. Some friendships are better after a bit of a break. Very silly of her to e-mail you; like the others said, what if you'd been in meetings and hadn't got the e-mail.

Off to customise my page now thanks FA

Kitti · 08/02/2008 13:14

++I'm not sure if her intention towards us coming (she probably didn't intend to upset me like this) or her actions and how much they HAVE upset me, and her then refusal to acknowledge it is of the greater importance/ significance?++

  • sorry don't know how to attach your message to mine!! Anyway I think it was terribly rude of her and her partner to treat you in such a way and her behaviour now has been dreadful - I would leave it totally. It sounds like she is never going to accept that she was in the wrong or accept your apology. If it helps I had a best friend for almost 10 years who upset me last March and she got incredibly bitter and angry when I mentioned it and she spent a week e-mailing me with rather nasty comments. It was like she was a completely different person - every e-mail I sent back (because I didn't trust talking) I tried to explain my feelings and point of view and I apologised for feeling like that but just wanted her to understand and she just couldn't/wouldn't acept it at all and cut contact completely. Your friend sounds very similar. It's just the most bizarre behaviour ever - it's not like they're actively looking to end a friendship but now feel they'vebeen slighted to badly that you will never be forgiven ???!!! At the end of the day she was the one to be rude in letting you down. You don't let your friends down at the last minute - if she had a valid reason she would have called and explained - she didn't - it was a change of heart. Probably didn't want a toddler running around the place when they're not used to kids but it's stillno excuse to let you down so badly at the last minute. If she won't now apologise and accept your apology then I think you would be acceptiong her bad behaviour by crawling back and she'd not question any future bad behaviour.
christmaspixie · 08/02/2008 18:53

Thanks Kitti, sorry to hear about your friend. It's such an odd feeling when someone you thought you were close to and trusted behaves in such a manner....and then gets all affronted when you tell them how you feel about it, even though they were initially in the wrong. I guess as I've never really fallen out with her before, and I am usually pretty easy going (being pregnant prob makes me more assertive/ emotional)I wasn't expecting her to react like this. I'm amazed that your friend cut contact completely after 10 years! But I have had no word from mine either, so it looks like it might go that way. But you're totally right- if I go crawling back just to smooth it over, I will be accepting her behaviour. I'm pleased to find that support for me not being unreasonable has been pretty much unanimous on this thread!! At least I feel I've tried my best to sort it out, without being walked all over. MsH, think that's probably an accurate diagnosis!!

OP posts:
lalalonglegs · 08/02/2008 19:46

She is being affronted to get you on the back foot. She knew what she did was pretty low and now wants you to carry blame for breakdown of friendship because she is too immature to hold up her hand and admit she has behaved badly. Getting her dp to ring is just useless.

Sorry if this repeats the wisdom of other wise MNers.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread