Things that were normal but wouldn't fly these days

[ChopSuey2]

Not really an AIBU but we totally derailed another thread. Following on from the thread about TV programmes that may or may not have been appropriate for young children, I'm wondering what things were totally normal in your childhood but would not be considered acceptable today.

Some of the ones I have been reminded of from the other thread include

• travelling without a seatbelt, in the footwell, in the boot, in the back of a van on a cardboard box
• graphic public safety videos at primary school
• watching graphic true crime under the age of 10
• smoking in cars and homes with kids, smoking in pubs and taking kids to pubs late at night
• playing out under the age of 10 with parents not knowing where their kids are precisely

I grew up in the 1970s and my experience wasn't dissimilar to @TianaTurban (also with the occasional smack). There were some difficult times and some dangerous activities... but it was mostly a happy childhood, not a neglected one per se. I do worry that young people have little resilience/self reliance and no freedom. We had so much more freedom and learned to navigate things. Not all good, obviously. The ideal is probably inbetween the parent-centred and the child-centred. But there's a place for a bit of free and wicked freedom. And some boredom.

In the 70s our dog went out by himself and got up to all sorts. My dad tried to keep him in but he would scramble up the six foot fence and be away. On a nearby estate, a load of local dogs would form packs in summer and terrify the children. Our dog main used to fight, shag and thieve.

Yes we used to ‘call for’ dogs to play with us .Owners would let them , sometimes not even on a lead! 😮

I dated a 21 year old as a 15 year old, and my same age friend had a boyfriend who was a doctor! Thankfully unacceptable now.
However, I live in Scotland, and when my dc were primary age only p1 were collected from the classroom, p2 could leave with an older sibling, and p3 and up could walk alone. Dc played out from the same ages as well (this was around 10 years ago).
The “P… shop” was common vernacular in the 90’s, but my mum (rightly!) told me off for using it. On the other hand, I remember the rhyme as “catch a tigger by the toe”.. I was an adult before I realised the origin 😔

Over Christmas BBC FOUR showed old episodes of Come Dancing. During one episode, the commentator described the make dancer on screen as “a Page 3 enthusiast”. 😱

I’m in my early 40s, I remember a teacher at secondary school (so mid 90s) who would throw things at kids across the classroom when they misbehaved - I mean chalk board rubbers and, in one incident, a chair! Nothing was ever said to the teacher by school management.

A niche one for me - I used to help out at a riding school as a teenager. The arena needed raking over every day to ensure a safe surface. As it was a big area (50m x 20m) the fastest way to do it was by dragging a metal gate behind the yard Land Rover. Problem was the gate would often bounce so to “weigh it down” a couple of us would stand on the gate and hang onto a rope tied to the back door of the car 😱 When I think what could have happened had one of us slipped… Health and Safety would have a field day today!

Being allowed to buy a t-shirt on holiday in Tenerife in 1983 (aged 13) which read ‘cocaine’ in the style of the coca-cola logo

Chocolate bar dispensing machines on London Underground platforms. Great after a night out when you were on your way home from the pub and starving!

Ooh yes. And pay phones so you could let your mum know you'd be on the last tube.

I know there were good parents out there, of course.

However, hitting, authoritarianism, "because I said so", shouting etc was very much the norm. It wasn't about teaching kids right from wrong, or the reasons behind good behaviour. It was about making them obey because Parent Said So.

There were even fucking articles in the papers about how to hit your children. I'm not making this up. I remember seeing one and feeling a sick horror that I couldn't articulate, especially since my parents always told me how right they were to hit me. And any suggestion that there were alternative ways to raise kind, stable, decent human beings who wanted to do good because they had intelligent reasons for it was dismissed as being, well, all the bollocks some people on this thread are still saying. What do you expect in a time where it wasn't possible in law for a man to rape his wife, and women had barely gained the right to buy a house alone.

It is absolute rubbish that there was less crap parenting and better mental health back then. We just didn't know what we were looking at or where it came from.

I'm a child of the 50s and it wasn't acceptable then. Well not in any school I went to (3) or any I ever heard of.

the motor racing grid girls, and boxing ring girls have been banned for a few years now.

I remember reading a article from one of the grid girls, they were all really upset they loved there jobs and travelling round the world. It was there choice to do the job that they loved but it was taken away from them because other people were offended.

It was probably the choice of a murderer to kill but it doesn't make it right

Yes they loved the jobs but they were demeaning to women and women have enough trouble trying to be taken seriously

The fact that they didn't feel like that is a bit sad really - not recognising abuse because it comes with a nice pay packet

It was taken away from them because enough people did not wish to support such overt sexism that it was no longer profitable.

Unfortunately, nobody is owed their dream job by the world. There are other options for women who want to travel.

This is it, the parenting that is described in that sentence is abusive and a huge exception to the norm.
So to rebel against a perceived situation based on a false premise might explain why there seems to be such a leap in characteristics of each generation.

I remember (growing up in very rural Ireland in 1970s-1990)..
Being slapped full force on the face by a male teacher because he heard two of the boys who sat next to me talking: they were hilarious and I couldn’t help but laugh.
Seeing my classmates being lined up and slapped hard for not being able to do “mental arithmetic “ (ie fairly difficult maths problems in your head with no visual aids or being allowed to write it down. I could easily do it but I wonder if that was from fear).
Walking home from school with sister and brother whatever the weather for about 3 miles (some cross country: we met a lot of sheep and cattle) aged 5 upwards.
Being “allowed” ie made to dip my dad’s Guinness on no a special occasion.
Whiskey for teething.
Me holding whatever baby sibling in my arms in the backseat of the car with two others on laps, no seatbelts.. while both parents smoked.
Being allowed to take lifts from the weird alcoholic history teacher who “joked” that he and I were in a relationship when I was 14 - until I lost my shit with him in front of my classmates and roared at him (he laughed).
Good things - going outdoors and roaming for miles in summer.
Being allowed to go to hotels (weird Irish thing where people who want to drink but not get shitfaced go to hotel lobbies to drink) and getting in trouble for running around.
My poor sweet aunt showing us how to blow bubbles in cola and her getting in trouble for it.
Getting lost in the woods and thinking it was just the best adventure ever.
Being snowed in in the big blizzard - my mum stressed out but us loving being off school and eating buttery toast in the candlelight.
Ahhhh…

It was probably the choice of a murderer to kill but it doesn't make it right

wise up

Or, more likely, that generation just got on with it because they had to, same as this one and every other one.

Smoking in cafés too.

the parenting that is described in that sentence is abusive and a huge exception to the norm.

It was the norm. When there are articles in the national dailies about how to hit your children, it's the norm. The norm was authoritarian, parent centric parenting and physical assault was absolutely fine.

The idea that we didn't have a ton of shit parenting 25+ years ago is beyond nonsense.

I was a girl who got caned in the 60s. Twice as far as I can remember. I went to an equal opportunities school.

It is absolute rubbish that there was less crap parenting and better mental health back then. We just didn't know what we were looking at or where it came from.

This 100%. Men were vilified for showing emotions, called homophobic names, expected to be Manly Men at all times.

Women were 'hysterical' or 'nervy'. Valium was prescribed like sweeties, pretty much for anything not 'obvious'. My auntie was ECT in the 70s for depression after her marriage broke up. She was in her mid-twenties!

Benny Hill

Thanks, got the tune running through my head now 😂

My dog had never been allowed to wander, this was the 60s. When I started grammar school he took to climbing over a 6ft wall and waiting for me at the bus stop.

I’m sorry that your experience was this. That wasn’t the experience of me or anyone I knew, other than ‘because I said so’ which became a standing joke in our house.

The presentation of mental health issues was very different in my experience. Severe mental health issues were more common as medication wasn’t as developed then. But now people seek labels and professional help for normal human emotions.