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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu for deciding what to name baby ?

30 replies

Emm1989 · 15/01/2023 18:24

Currently pregnant 6 months (baby boy!) with husband of 4 years. In laws (never really interested in our lives and live an hour away so don't see them much) want me to name baby after a grandfather that DH has never met. Although we had a name picked out already and are sticking to it , we said we can consider it as a middle name. I've thought about it for a while and felt that as I had a great relationship with my grandfather (almost like a dad to me) I would like to choose his name as the middle name. DH is very supportive and doesn't mind but has said that it might create some drama as they already asked , but my argument would be that their family name is carried on as baby has dad's name so is it only fair that I remain a bit of my identity by choosing the name that means something to me. AITA for just saying that I'm gonna have the final say?

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 15/01/2023 18:25

Use both?

Eastereggsboxedupready · 15/01/2023 18:25

Has dh got the dgf's name?
If not then it wasn't that important to mil was it?

SunshineAndFizz · 15/01/2023 18:26

Of course you get the final say. Grandparents get zero input into names.

escapingthecity · 15/01/2023 18:26

Why not use both? My son has both one of DH's grandfathers' and one of my grandfathers' names.

atteatimeeverybodyagrees · 15/01/2023 18:27

Eastereggsboxedupready · 15/01/2023 18:25

Has dh got the dgf's name?
If not then it wasn't that important to mil was it?

This?

I think its all a bit silly and once baby is here safely they won't actually care. Or if they do then fine they don't have to visit.

Inertia · 15/01/2023 18:29

The baby will have your husbands family surname. That’s enough. MIL has had the chance to name a son already .

Eastereggsboxedupready · 15/01/2023 18:30

My mil's mil 'we thought you could call him John'...
We settled on Jonathan for mn as I was planning anyway.. She didn't know my dgf was John!!
The entitlement of your mil would make me swerve it tbh!

BliainNua · 15/01/2023 18:31

Only the parents of the child get an input into the name. Don't be pressured into giving your child a name you don't want to.

MollyRover · 15/01/2023 18:32

Congratulations! Will baby be christened? If not, don't use it as a middle name, but tell them you did. How would they know otherwise?

AuntieStella · 15/01/2023 18:36

Use both

Jadviga · 15/01/2023 18:43

Smile, nod, don't tell them what the name is till it's been registered. Your MIL can deal with her own feelings in her own time.

Ponoka7 · 15/01/2023 18:59

MollyRover · 15/01/2023 18:32

Congratulations! Will baby be christened? If not, don't use it as a middle name, but tell them you did. How would they know otherwise?

Often close relatives will get to see the birth certificate, or first passport. It isn't worth lying.
I agree that if it meant so much it should have been used for your DH.

MollyRover · 15/01/2023 19:37

@Ponoka7 she said the ILs aren't really interested in their lives so why would they? My parents and ILs have never seen any of my DCs documents, they don't have any reason to.

Riverlee · 15/01/2023 19:38

I’m another in the use both (or neither) camp.

Spanielsarepainless · 15/01/2023 19:41

Another vote for using both. They may not be interested now but that could change when their grandson is born. We see so much in these threads about "overinterested" PIL that the may be the calm before the storm!

pinksquash13 · 15/01/2023 19:41

You get to decide. Totally get your reasoning.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 15/01/2023 19:49

My baby has my father's name as a middle name, which I think is fair as the surname is my husbands family name

Montsti · 15/01/2023 19:50

I would use both

stopthebarking · 15/01/2023 19:55

It's ridiculous to ask someone to name their baby after anyone, but especially someone neither parent has never met. Choosing to honour someone by naming a baby after them is a very personal thing, and shouldn't be done on request, imo.

As for using both names, if all the names together sound good to you and your husband, then fine. If not, I wouldn't worry about it. She'll have to accept that and get over any disappointment.

JinglingGin · 15/01/2023 19:57

As a previous poster he said if MIL was that bothered surely it’d be your DH’s name…

BatshitBanshee · 15/01/2023 20:02

If it was that important they would have given the name to DH. ILs already had their chance to name DC, your turn now.

Also: ILs who are only interested after baby is born? Red flag.

SeasonFinale · 15/01/2023 20:04

Don't use it.

If she ever comments just laugh and say oh we thought you were joking because after all whoever thinks parents don't choose the names for their kids.

BunchHarman · 15/01/2023 20:26

They get precisely fuck-all say in what you name your child. If it was that important to the MIL, she’d have named her son after him, surely?

sunnydayhereandnow · 15/01/2023 20:30

Can you find a different way that the name is related to the other grandfather and honour him when you explain the name choice? I gave my DC two names and at the baby naming I made connections to deceased relatives; the meaning of one of the names related to the personality of one of them, and he has the initials and surname (though not the actual given name) of the other one.

Unicorn717 · 15/01/2023 20:52

She's had the chance to name her kids when they were born- She should have used them herself if she didn't. And I'm assuming the baby will have your husbands family name so that's good enough anyway.

You pick your baby's name.