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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at boyfriend planning something on the day we usually see eachother?

45 replies

WiU26 · 15/01/2023 16:01

My boyfriend and I see eachother every Monday, it’s on one set day a week that we are child free and not working. We do then see eachother 1/2 other days a week depending on when the children are with their other parent and work schedules. We don’t live together.
my partner has decided to go back to the gym, he wants to go twice a week and has said that he wants to go one a Monday. AIBU to be a bit peeved that he has chosen the one set day we have together? He says he will see me after but that’ll be 9pm so no time for dinner etc.
he is free the rest of the week by the way as the children are mine.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/01/2023 16:03

If he went first thing, I think that would be fine. Why doesn’t he do this?

Original poster
WiU26 · 15/01/2023 16:08

Possibly. It was more just his attitude. He says im going to start going to the gym Mondays and Wednesdays, il still see you on Mondays but it’ll be after 9”

OP posts:
Roundabout78 · 15/01/2023 16:13

He’s showing you where his priorities lie, isn’t he?

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/01/2023 16:15

He could go any other day? Yeah he’s not prioritising you and it’s a bad sign.

Heyahun · 15/01/2023 16:17

He’s probably fed up having to fit in around your schedule - I’d not be able to cope going out with someone with a child and being tied to only having a set day together in the week tb
id probably cut him loose he’s showing he’s not as interested as you unfortunately

pinkfondu · 15/01/2023 16:21

Why is he a partner and not a boyfriend?

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 15/01/2023 16:24

If he has Mondays off, why is it taking him till 9pm to finish at the gym?

Daffodilis · 15/01/2023 16:31

He is backing away from you

melj1213 · 15/01/2023 16:39

He is a bit U but also you are a bit U.

From the way you've described things it seems that your relationship is entirely on your terms due to your childcare, so I can see him wanting to do his own thing sometimes without specifically having to fit round your schedule.

Is he just going to the gym to work out or is he going to a specific session/class? If it's to a specific class then TBF he doesn't get to choose the schedule and if it's a choice between not going to a session at all or going and cutting down the time he spends with you then it's clearly a concession he's willing to make..

Glorianna · 15/01/2023 16:51

What does he want to do after 9pm? Come over to yours to eat a meal you’ve cooked?

FinallyHere · 15/01/2023 17:30

Colour me cynical , it sounds to me as if he wasn't to skip the eating together part and move straight to the sex part.

How would you feel, if that was his motivation. Lots of people decide to change what they eat in January. Might be worth asking him if there are any changes you could make to work with his new regime.

Or... just drop him. 9pm booty call wouldn't work for me.

FinallyHere · 15/01/2023 17:30

Wants to

Summersolargirl · 15/01/2023 17:33

I disagree, I think it’s ok wanting to go to the gym on your one day off and child free day

tne level of controlling and needy ness in terms of relationships on here is disturbing. I mean really. He can’t go to the gym in his one day. Fuck me.

Justcallmebebes · 15/01/2023 17:35

Can you go with him?

NothingButSpace · 15/01/2023 17:36

What time did you used to see you on a Monday? 9pm after gym would be too late for me especially if there’s work the next day.

Bard6817 · 15/01/2023 17:38

Yeah - i’d be busy or too tired on Monday nights now.

FloydPepper · 15/01/2023 17:42

9am I’d assume. He wants to go first thing in the morning.?

TeachesOfPeaches · 15/01/2023 17:45

9am or 9pm ?

Eatentoomanyroses · 15/01/2023 17:46

Single mums are easy lays. That’s how a lot of ( crap) men think. They’re limited in how much they can go out so they don’t need to be ‘dated’ or taken out and are likely to accept a flying visit and a quick leg over. Not much effort needed to keep them ticking along because they’re just glad of the company. You have to really raise the bar if your a single mother and dating. I didn’t allow any home dates whatsoever. I got a babysitter and saw my boyfriend once a week and we went out for a meal, drinks, cinema etc. When we were more serious he stayed over afterwards. If I couldn’t get a sitter I didn’t see him. He waited until the next week.That went on until we got engaged , even then we still went out.
Coming over at 9pm would not be ok with me. Tell him you’re busy.

findmybalance · 15/01/2023 18:08

Heyahun · 15/01/2023 16:17

He’s probably fed up having to fit in around your schedule - I’d not be able to cope going out with someone with a child and being tied to only having a set day together in the week tb
id probably cut him loose he’s showing he’s not as interested as you unfortunately

What an awful comment.

parsniiips · 15/01/2023 18:17

If you are both child free and not working why are you not seeking each other till 9pm?

Helpyou · 15/01/2023 18:19

I'd find it off putting if my partner expected me to see him on exactly the same day every week. We don't live together either and usually just plan rough plans but sometimes things do come up and that's just life! Maybe ask if he can go earlier?
You say you both aren't working that day, so presumably you see each other all day first?

findmybalance · 15/01/2023 18:34

I cant understand how a forum of grown women couldnt possibly cope with seeing their partner who they presumably love on the same day each week as if this is such a huge awful thing to cope with. I mean really.

findmybalance · 15/01/2023 18:35

Summersolargirl · 15/01/2023 17:33

I disagree, I think it’s ok wanting to go to the gym on your one day off and child free day

tne level of controlling and needy ness in terms of relationships on here is disturbing. I mean really. He can’t go to the gym in his one day. Fuck me.

Someone is controlling here and irs not OP.

toobusytothink · 15/01/2023 18:36

So you have different children with different dads from the way you say he hasn’t got kids but talk about when they are with their other parent? And he has to fit around that schedule. Poor guy. Sounds difficult. But I would expect him to pick a different day if he was really into You. It sounds as though he is a bit fed up and is trying to assert his independence and not always be free whenever you call kinda thing …
can you not try to rearrange your childcare schedules so that there is a definite other day you are free?