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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say this made me really sad?

31 replies

TwinkleSoFar · 15/01/2023 10:32

Moving house tomorrow, about half an hours drive away.
My next door neighbour just popped in and got all choked up. When I asked what was wrong, she said that I am the only one who hugs her and she is going to miss that so very much.
She lives alone and does have family but not close. She's quite a bit younger (early forties) to my 58 years so do feel quite maternal towards her. Aibu to feel sorry for her? I can't imagine not having hugs whenever I need them or affection 😔

OP posts:
Plump82 · 15/01/2023 10:33

Oh goodness that is sad.
Would you have time to maybe pop in every so often for a coffee with her. Don't suggest for example once a month as then it becomes a commitment that in future might be hard to keep.

RicherThanYews · 15/01/2023 10:35

Is it too late and too ridiculous to suggest taking her with you? It must have been soul crushing to hear her say that.

NEmama · 15/01/2023 10:37

Awwww. Keep in touch with her x

Happin · 15/01/2023 10:38

She sounds more of a friend than a neighbour, keep in touch with her you're not going far x

purpleme12 · 15/01/2023 10:40

This is so sad it made me cry

Ludo19 · 15/01/2023 10:44

I'm the same. I don't get hugs very often. Try and keep in touch with her OP

heldinadream · 15/01/2023 10:46

Invite her over for lunch in your new house, surely?

Fuckstix · 15/01/2023 10:47

Isolation is such a painful thing. Can you keep in touch?

FeinCuroxiVooz · 15/01/2023 10:47

If you like each other that much then surely this isn't goodbye? I have loads of friends who live between 20 minutes and 2 hours drive away who I see quite regularly, and more who live 2-5 hours away who I see at least once a year. surely you could manage once a month maybe?

Schnooze · 15/01/2023 10:49

Yup meet up every so often. Hers, yours, half way?

PonyPatter44 · 15/01/2023 10:50

Keep in touch with her! You know where she lives, invite her over for lunch sometimes, send her a text that says "hug" every couple of months... this is how you collect friends. Friends don't have to be smothering or living in each others pockets, they're just friends.

Welshwabbit · 15/01/2023 10:57

Often when people leave settings where you see them frequently (work, neighbour), that's when you realise that they really are friends and you want to hang on to them. It sounds as though both you and your neighbour are fond of each other, and if that's right, half an hour is nothing. I have two good friends with a similar age gap to you and your neighbour; both live quite a way away from me but they are important to me (and I think vice versa) so we make the effort to see each other. If that's what you want, make sure it happens!

Welshwabbit · 15/01/2023 10:59

PS if you are a texting/WhatsApp person, that's an easy way to keep in touch. I message a few distant friends every day with my Wordle & they do the same back - sometimes that develops into a chat, sometimes it doesn't - but it's just nice to know they're there. Maybe something like that would help, to let her know someone is thinking of her? Doesn't have to be every day if that feels like too much.

butterfliedtwo · 15/01/2023 11:04

There are a lot of us, OP. Hope you can keep in touch, but do it because you want to not because you feel sorry for her.

mondaytosunday · 15/01/2023 11:08

Half an hour?! Jeez my daughter commutes an hour each way for school! You can see each other as much as needed!

Thesealsknowsheismagic · 15/01/2023 11:09

RicherThanYews · 15/01/2023 10:35

Is it too late and too ridiculous to suggest taking her with you? It must have been soul crushing to hear her say that.

Ask the neighbour to live in with her? Give up her own home and live with the Op?

Op it’s very sad. But if you are friends, you will keep in touch.

Tinktravels · 15/01/2023 11:10

I'd keep in touch with birthday/Christmas cards atleast to let her know you have forgotten her that is really sad ❤️

butterfliedtwo · 15/01/2023 11:28

RicherThanYews · 15/01/2023 10:35

Is it too late and too ridiculous to suggest taking her with you? It must have been soul crushing to hear her say that.

What? The neighbour is not a pet.

loobylou10 · 15/01/2023 11:45

'Is it too late and too ridiculous to suggest taking her with you? It must have been soul crushing to hear her say that.'

Eh?!????!!??

crymeout · 15/01/2023 12:07

@RicherThanYews what?😂 she's not a cat!

DuplicateUserName · 15/01/2023 12:10

RicherThanYews · 15/01/2023 10:35

Is it too late and too ridiculous to suggest taking her with you? It must have been soul crushing to hear her say that.

There are no words! 😂😂😂

DuplicateUserName · 15/01/2023 12:11

The OP will get halfway down the motorway and panic that she forgot to bundle the neighbour into the back of the van.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/01/2023 12:19

RicherThanYews · 15/01/2023 10:35

Is it too late and too ridiculous to suggest taking her with you? It must have been soul crushing to hear her say that.

Sorry but Whaaaaat? Grin

CharlotteStreetW1 · 15/01/2023 12:23

When I was single for a long time, a friend came round and greeted me with a big hug. I burst into tears because it had been so long since I'd been touched. You don't realise how important physical contact is. And I wasn't even lonely.

Original poster
TwinkleSoFar · 15/01/2023 13:04

I think what made me sadder was that I did just see her as a neighbour but a lovely one. I am an affectionate person and hug a lot. I just had no idea how those 2 small minute chats and a quick hug meant to her.
Really sad.

OP posts:
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