To consider re home for dog

[ZED55JAX0]

I have crippling pnd a newborn and struggling my dh had to go back to work no choice or no money he’s had a month off as long as he possibly could. Our older dc are not old enough to help out still primary/& pre school age

we have two dogs an older rescue who’s chilled and lazy very low maintenance and would happily not be walked and not be bothered in the slightest

and one younger rescue is almost 18 months
(got her two month before I found out I was pregnant )

she’s a small terrier type and as a result is so hyper- so much bouncing energy!! Her temperament though is unbelievable amazing!! She fine when I was walking her theee hours a day but now I’m lucky if I manage half an hour

my parents say she’s need re homing she’s bored started barking digging and whining and chewing

im worried I’ll regret it when feeling better but I may not feel better for a while and
plus don’t know how I’ll manage with two dogs and kids
I feel really overwhelmed as it is

now I have family that say they would take her but it means we won’t get her back an see her they live five hours away a cousin I am in touch with by social media only!
and my parents said a local friend they know would take her but again we’d not see her too far away and don’t know them
however we’d receive updates I’m sure!!

so Aibu to find her a better life I think she’ll have more attention walks outdoors time etc.
or selfishly keep her because I feel bad at the thought of giving her up and should I just wait it out and see how I go and hope that the future works out?” With juggling life!
i feel like my heads swimming and I can’t think straight at all

If you decide to rehome please go through a good rescue - they will at least try to find the best match for the dog.

I’ve seen dogs passed from place to place with informal rehoming, and it’s rarely good for the poor dog.

Could you try a reputable dog walker - maybe that would help? Or is there a friendly neighbour/ teenager who would help you with walking?

Alternatively what about enrichment activities? Dogs love sniffing and 20mins of sniffing is equivalent to an hours walk.

If weather is good, could you scatter feed in the garden? This way the dog has to hunt/sniff out their food. My two love this as a treat.

If weather not good - try feeding using a snuggle mat (if dry food) or a lick mat (if wet food) or use a King wobbler do the dog is having to work to feed them self.

There are lots of games you can do - hiding toys/treats in knotted towels/old sheets or teach the dog a trick - spinning in command etc.

I know these all take time out if a busy day and carving out the time for the dog might seem an impossible task (I suffer with depression so know how hard just functioning can be some days), but it's obvious you love the dog and want to do the best to make it happy.

Good luck - I hope you find a solution that works.

Snuffle mat - not snuggle mat!

For goodness sake rehome it to a nice home (do you know if the relatives are really up for it). Dog will be happier in the end.

Thank you for all the kind comments and advice
I feel wretched and can hardly cope with my newborn and existing kids I feel like running away or worse:(
I’m taking on all the suggestions and really going to look into all aspects inc.
like getting extra help if I can find some etc
To do walks or maybe a foster careers
I dont want to be a failure ,I want the energy and mindset to try and cope … I really do :(
thanks again for the helpful and kind advice

I do think rehoming is the best answer in these circumstances.

It sounds like DDog just needs a lot of walking and/or stimulation and you're just not in a position to provide that. If she goes to a good home then she will get the walking and attention that she needs.

We have a lab who are nightmares under 3. Decent walk or two - can dh do one walk or family or pay a dog walker? Kongs, bones, antlers, lick mat, snuffle mat, slow feeder. All ways to entertain dog when you can't.

You have a lot on your plate, OP. Lots of useful suggestions on here already, especially the ones about managing your energetic dog and asking if family members would foster. I love dogs and have one myself but I can see that in some situations there are too many other things to cope with and a dog might be better going to a new home. It’s not a crime to do this, you are thinking of the dogs welfare. If it means you can cope better with your family it might be worth it. It depends whether the current feelings might subside in a couple of weeks and you feel better or whether the prospect of managing the children and the dogs for the next few years just seems too complicated.
Hope you can get some rest and some support.

Ah, got you @ZED55JAX0

Find the dog a good home, you’ve tried and its needs aren’t being met by your circumstances.

It happens.

Do what’s best for the dog, ignore the people on here who haven’t RTFT. You’re allowed to moan on here and whilst some advice re kongs, hiding treats, playing is wonderful, it’s not going to happen with pnd/multiple dc/another dog. When I get round to doing kongs, it takes time to chop up carrots, stuff them with food. Then I have to keep an eye on who’s finished so the others don’t steal one.

You sound overwhelmed, do the right thing for your dog and your circumstances. If a lovely family can take her, do it.

Normally I’m so firmly against rehoming. But in this case I can kind of see your point: you have two offers of homes where you know he’ll enjoy and active lifestyle.

Maybe it would be better to think of your time with him as fostering after his previous owner passed away.

And have a stipulation with his new home that if it doesn’t work out they’re to return him to you.

If you know the people (either cousin or parents friend) will look after the dog well then I would say absolutely rehome to the one you feel is best suited. We took a youngish dog on from a relative as they were struggling with PND after second child in a small home, it was all just too much at the time for them. Like your situation the DH had long work hours and commute. It was the best thing for their family and for ours. We loved her, she was the best dog ever. We kept them in the loop with pictures. We met up occasionally so they could see her. We discussed with them when she was old and unwell and we were nearing the end. We arranged a visit so they could see her and say goodbye.

please don’t feel guilty op, you really do have more than enough on your plate.

Oh shut up @BeeDavis @ZED55JAX0 obviously has the welfare of the dog at heart
From the other point of view we have a dog that came to us through similarchurchis, we absolutely adore him and he is the centre of our lives
Not every story ends with sadness
I wish you well @ZED55JAX0

Your parents seem a bit over the top to me. Yes, it’s not ideal for the dog right now, but it’s temporary. PND passes, and your baby will get older, you’ll get more sleep etc etc. Tell them to back off. Right now your baby is small, your family is adjusting, you’re back in sleepless nights and physically and mentally healing from the birth. You’ll be more able to deal with the dog in a couple of months, so if you want to keep it don’t feel forced to give it up.

Could you afford a dog walker? Even one or two days a week if you can’t afford full time - means some of the pressure is off on those days, and every little helps.

Have you got a garden? Could you throw a ball (or get your kids to throw a ball) in the garden for the dog for 15 mins every now and then?

You don’t have to be the perfect dog owner all the time. Give yourself a break and see if there are little things you can do in the short term, and build up gradually as you start to feel better.

• similar circumstances- not sure what happened to my words there

Try a flirt pole with the little terrier if they have any kind of chase drive.

Fantastic exercise and stimulation, it's uses their drive and really satisfies them. The best thing is it's cheap and most dogs would prefer a short flirt pole session to a long walk, which saves you time and also can be done in your garden.

I use a horse lunge whip with a plastic poo bag on the end to stimulate the chase.

I then used the drive to want to get the flirt to build in commands and obedience.

My young, unruly, drivey sbt became very calm, content and obedient once i started channeling his drive into the flirt.

Would either of the two offers of a home consider it as a long term foster? It might be in 6 months you feel able to take the dog back if you're feeling better.

You're not unreasonable, PND is crippling and you can only cope with what you can cope with. My mum was in a similar situation when we were kids, she rehomed the dog as she said knew she'd reached the limit on what she could manage.

I have a terrier and I know what a handful they can be 🥴

Bloody hell OP I’m so sorry there’ve been people being unkind. Are you being seen for PND? It’s a very hard time and I wouldn’t make any decisions too quickly if you have started meds things could improve in a month or two. But I also think your mental
health is the priority and you are clearly someone who will rehome in a responsible way. Could anyone else walk the dog? Borrow my doggy/dogwalker/neighbour or something like that until things have settled a bit and then you can see what the best course of action is? How old are your other children (approximately - school age vs preschool - in terms of what they can do I’m not asking for too many details just games and things they can help the dog with). Is there the potential that you can put the baby in a sling and the dog could help you get out and walk a bit and that could be positive? Not pushing that at all as obviously that might not be helpful. Might not be the best forum as people can be really harsh.

If you actually want to keep the dog then there is a lot you can do to keep her busy. I was in a similar boat as I got a border collie puppy then found I was unexpectedly pregnant the following month 🤦‍♀️
It was difficult at the time as my partner (now ex!) refused to ask her because she was ‘my dog’ not his, my dc was born poorly and spent a lot of time in hospital, i was really depressed and struggling with 3 kids as well so the poor pup was fairly neglected in terms of exercise for a couple of months.

I had kind of already planned for the newborn stage with then help of a trainer and had bought activity toys etc and a flirt pole which meant I could physically tire her out in the garden (I currently have a terrier too and a flirt pole is her absolute favourite!).

I bought a cheap off road double buggy (out and about) so my pre schooler didn’t have to walk on dog walks because it was winter and I wasn’t mentally able to cope with complaining on top of everything else. I also quite quickly went back to 1 on 1 agility classes with my dog which was quite good for me mentally just to get out and do something, and my trainer was happy to rock the buggy with dc in it while I was busy with the dog.

If you can make yourself get out for walks it would be so good for you, as I’m sure you are aware but I know hard to get your head into gear for that kind of thing. Would a dog walker be an option? I’m a dog walker and I charge £12 for an hours walk and I make sure my dogs get nice and tired out before I take them home.

Should have said my ex refused to walk her not ask her 🤦‍♀️

You have good people who will give her what she needs. Put yourself first. Your priority is to yourself and your family . You have enough on your plate without having the stress of being unable to meet the needs of an energetic dog. It’s sad and a difficult choice to make but imo it’s the best option. I hope you are soon over the worst of the PND. It’s utterly miserable 💐

Your parents friends sound solid you could let the dog go to them on the stipulation that if they cannot cope they don't just throw the dog at someone else you either take the dog back or it goes via a rescue

How about signing up to borrow my doggy. Perhaps someone can walk dog a few times per week to ease the burden.

The OP has pnd. Wind your neck in.

What on earth are you on about? This is a dog. A dog. Not a child. And she is not abandoning it. She wants the dog to be happy and she isn't in a position to facilitate that. There's no need for this type of guilt tripping and hyperbole.