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AIBU?

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Original poster

Freaking out, three kids under two

37 replies

BernadetteAndHoward · 14/01/2023 18:11

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant and currently have a nine month old. All was fine until first scan showed twins. I am now freaking out about how I’ll cope with three so small on my own. I can’t imagine being able to get out and about, attend playgroups or entertain my eldest.

Any helpful hints from other twin mums?

OP posts:
thirdtimeluckyorwhat · 14/01/2023 18:21

Do you have a good support network from family and friends. You will definitely need help. I don't want to worry you but I'm being honest. I had a four year old when I had twins. It is extremely hard. The tiredness is an absolute killer and it is relentless.

Didimum · 14/01/2023 18:24

I’m a twin mum - though I don’t have any other children. Yes, it is harder to get out and about. It’s handy to have one twin in a carrier and the other in a pram, so you don’t have to lug a double around (though do get a double of course. One that can be used as a single or double. You can get a buggy board for the older one to use. Get the twins and your eldest on a routine as soon as possible. I got my twins on a feeding and napping routine from 6 weeks old - people thought I was nuts, but I didn’t care, they didn’t get it after all!

Enlist help wherever you can - ask anyone you can and accept help from anyone who offers. Even if finances are tight, cut back wherever you can to employ a mothers help for several days a week and a cleaner if you can stretch to it. You could also consider an au pair possibly.

I know how overwhelmed you must feel. A friend of mine was also in your position with a one year old twins. She was terrified, but she is absolutely thriving.

I can’t stress enough - ask for help, pay for help whenever you can.

PollyPut · 14/01/2023 18:27

This reply has been deleted

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Foodieasfuck · 14/01/2023 18:30

WoW! Congratulations OP… This happened to somebody I know only she was 3 months pregnant. She ended up with 3 kids under 1… 🤦‍♀️🥰
You’re going to have your hands full.

70sShmeventies · 14/01/2023 18:30

@PollyPut Where does OP say she’ll have two?

Jap26 · 14/01/2023 18:33

I had twins first and my third 14 months later. My husband worked away a lot and we had no family help at all. It was exhausting but fine. The key to survival was being organised. I have to be honest I didn't really enjoy the baby stage but I think that was more about me that the number of babies I had. Mine are 7/8 now and it is brilliant, they have friends their own age to play with all the time and life is fun. Good luck mama, you've got this!

gubrbi · 14/01/2023 18:34

@70sShmeventies i think she meant the OP would have 3 children under the age of 1 and a half as apposed to 3 children under the age of 2

ElbowsandArses · 14/01/2023 18:35

I had same. Was properly depressed by all the advice saying get help / pay for help b/c will be impossible to do it on your own. Was the cause of my antenatal depression TBH. Not helpful when you have no choice and will be going it without family support or paid help. Getting on with doing it was easier than dreading it! It IS possible to do it with little to no help, but it is also hard. (It’s hard with help too, but so is having children with SEN / lots of other people’s lives are incredibly hard and I don’t know how they do it, but they do it because they have to: one day at a time). My sanity came from an in person twins group because having people in my life who just got it were life savers. Mine are 15 and DT are 13 now, and we all made it through in one piece. Breathe. You’ve got some time before they arrive. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

70sShmeventies · 14/01/2023 18:36

@gubrbi aaaah thanks

Lilacsinthespring · 14/01/2023 18:39

She would still have three under two …

OnceAgainWithFeeling · 14/01/2023 18:39

A friend had IVF for years, resulting in triplets.

Within 3 months she had fallen pregnant with twins and had them a week before her triplets turned 1. They’re all in the same school year!

They had to get a nanny to help. It was chaos! She used to come to playgroups with the nanny. They’d have one each in carriers, and 2 double buggies so there was space for bags and everything.

Roundabout78 · 14/01/2023 18:42

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three under 1 and a half is the same as three under two 🙄 why are you splitting hairs? People are so strange.

3sthemagicnumber · 14/01/2023 18:46

I have a 19 month between DD1 and my twins. And we moved 300 miles when the twins were 3 weeks old, so I didn't really have a support network (other than my - lovely - inlaws). It wasn't easy at first, but we got through it. They are 15 and 14 now and it's (mostly!) great. I love that they're broadly at a similar stage at the same time - makes things like holidays, days out etc really good.

Tips: lower your standards where you can. We were able to get a cleaner, but the weeks she didn't come, I'd just do the absolute minimum I could live with.
Accept help that's offered.
I went out every day, because I always have and I felt the walls were closing in if I didn't. I had a double buggy and a sling, and DD1 quickly got good at walking alongside me (she was fully out of the buggy much earlier than any of my nieces/nephews, through sheer necessity). But if you find it easier to stay at home, don't beat yourself up with ideas that your babies are missing out by not going to playgroups etc - they're not!

One unexpected benefit was that, when I had DD1, I really felt like I had to be doing things well. I think it was probably largely internal pressure, but maybe some external too. When I had the three, I felt like I was winning just getting us all through the day and other people seemed to too!

Also, tiny practical tip - don't buy the babies clothes. Keep them in babygros - it's a lot simpler and no one cares what your babies are wearing. I put mine in clothes at around 4 months I think.

You'll be OK. It's been hard work sometimes, but it's also been the greatest thing. I wouldn't change it.

Georgyporky · 14/01/2023 18:52

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PollyPut · 14/01/2023 18:56

70sShmeventies · 14/01/2023 18:30

@PollyPut Where does OP say she’ll have two?

The title is "three kids under two"

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/01/2023 18:56

You don’t mention a husband or partner.

If you don’t have one ignore this.

If you do I think their role is key. They need to realise the total amount of work to be done is much more than one baby or two successive babies. It’s a large amount in to to split between the two of you. They need to know that their role won’t end with working. That night waking needs to be split because there’ll be so much more of it. And more to be done during the day. And weekend are all hands on deck too.

You’ll be fine if your other half is supportive I think!

Mumstheword12345 · 14/01/2023 18:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Mumstheword12345 · 14/01/2023 19:06

Sorry for some reason my new job bread posted on here

fitzwilliamdarcy · 14/01/2023 19:11

@Georgyporky Have reported that vile comment (and I’m extremely pro-choice).

Everywhereyougothereyouare · 14/01/2023 19:12

OnceAgainWithFeeling · 14/01/2023 18:39

A friend had IVF for years, resulting in triplets.

Within 3 months she had fallen pregnant with twins and had them a week before her triplets turned 1. They’re all in the same school year!

They had to get a nanny to help. It was chaos! She used to come to playgroups with the nanny. They’d have one each in carriers, and 2 double buggies so there was space for bags and everything.

Faaaack! 😱

Lilacsinthespring · 14/01/2023 19:12

Same.

ASCB31 · 14/01/2023 19:12

fitzwilliamdarcy · 14/01/2023 19:11

@Georgyporky Have reported that vile comment (and I’m extremely pro-choice).

Me too, totally unnecessary

Lilacsinthespring · 14/01/2023 19:12

Sorry agreeing with @fitzwilliamdarcy

fitzwilliamdarcy · 14/01/2023 19:14

You’ll survive because people do. The dread is always worse than the experience. Arm yourself with as much in person support as possible - if there are twin groups near you, even ones on facebook where you can meet others, join them. If you’ve a partner in this, agree now what he’s to do to help out. And accept that you’re probably going to feel a bit bonkers for a few years!

doublethelove · 14/01/2023 19:14

Twin mum here. Firstly, congratulations!

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with comments that you will "definitely need help". I don't feel these kinds of comments are in any way helpful. I was told the same over and over when I was expecting twins - You're going to need SO much help - and I was told the same again when I was expecting my third baby. I now have 3 under 3 and I don't have any help from friends or family apart from the occasional sleepover for the older 2 at grandparents. But on a day to day basis no there is no help and it's not needed as much as it would be nice! Same when the twins were born extremely prematurely, spent 3 months in hospital and came home on oxygen - no help whatsoever then either. But we just coped.

It's hard yes but you do just manage. You get into your own way of doing things. The logistics of having twins is very different from one or 2 close in age and it's a learning process. I personally found the baby stage much easier than the toddler stage. People will say things like just wait until they crawl or walk and then you'll be busy (like you aren't already!) But just wait for that first time you hold them both at the same time. Just wait until they hold hands and it's unbelievably cute. Just wait until they start noticing each other and laughing at their little best friend. Just wait until they both smile at you when you look into their cots in the morning. There are SO many lovely things about having twins. I was a little disappointed that my third wasn't a third and a fourth!

Just be prepared when you're out and about with them in public to grit your teeth and smile at the comments along the lines of double trouble/you've got your hands full/rather you than me/2 for the price of 1 etc etc like they're not the 10th person to say it to you that day haha...