Freaking out, three kids under two

[BernadetteAndHoward]

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant and currently have a nine month old. All was fine until first scan showed twins. I am now freaking out about how I’ll cope with three so small on my own. I can’t imagine being able to get out and about, attend playgroups or entertain my eldest.

Any helpful hints from other twin mums?

Also, by “help out”, I mean help out with chores etc. so that you can focus on the babies during the day when he’s at work (making a lot of assumptions here!). All other times he’s just as much a parent as you are. Don’t carry the whole thing by yourself. He should be thinking about this sort of thing too, not just you.

I had twins when my singleton was 2y3m. I can’t remember a single thing about the first 6 months - it was a blur of constant breastfeeding, fast walking for naps with toddler like Boudicca on buggy board of giant twin buggy, trying to get them to sleep in a busy toddler group, co-sleeping with two babies, loads of annoying comments from old ladies. Then weaning was shit, they were too small to be ready for food really and so were basically exclusively on milk for another 2 months but then 8m onwards it has been absolutely amazing and now they are 4,4,6 and it’s just the best. I love having twins, love having them 2 school years apart, love having 3 kids, just love it all.

You can do it OP. It would be a lie to say it’s easy but it’s doable and you will
cope.

I was in exactly the same position. They’re now 17 and almost 16. I don’t really remember the first 6 months! I was lucky enough to get 2 years mat leave with the twins.

of course if you have no help, you’ll manage. Plenty of women do. But if you can get help, either through family or buying it, then get it. Even if it’s having meals delivered, washing done, or childcare.

Been there! The gap between my eldest and twins is a few months more, but I still asked all the time if they're triplets.

Getting out and about - you want a configurable pushchair (i.e. that can be set up for either both babies or one baby and one toddler) plus a buggy board and sling. Car wise, there are surprisingly few that can accommodate 3 car seats but we went with the Ford S-Max and it's working well for us.

Playgroups - easier than you'd think. Your eldest will be toddling around by then and able to play while you watch from a chair, taking care of the babies. There are twins playgroups in most areas (look at Twins Trust) and of course siblings are welcome there as well.

Entertaining your eldest - this is trickier but once your twins are settled into a sleep routine, you can dedicate their nap times to your eldest. And they'll be old enough to all play together before you know it - social skills develop far faster in twin toddlers than singletons.

Also, take a look at a charity called Home Start - families with multiples are one of the things they support. They linked me up with a volunteer who had grown up twins herself and she came to me for 2 hours a week for whatever help I needed - a break from the kids, an extra pair of hands to go to the park, cleaning, anything.

For fucks sake! Ridiculous post

My nephew and nieces were exacting the same!
My SIL went on to have another child 2 years later.
They are in their 30s now and are so close.

Her and her husband were a team and though it wasn't easy, they had lots of fun.
The children are wonderful adults.

You will be fine OP, congratulations xx

Twin mum here though I have a three year gap between my older child and twins.

If you have people around you to help who are willing absolutely bite their hands off.

Going out with twin babies is a massive eye-opener into the sheer nosiness and audacity of the general public. A lot of people are lovely but some of the comments I have had really upset me at the time when I was just trying to get through the day when they were little newborns. "I never would have wanted twins" was horrible as what the hell was I supposed to say to that and my absolute most hated comment was and still remains "rather you than me". Now I just say I'm so glad they are mine and we are so lucky, but at the time in those early days it just made me want to cry. I'm told the older the get the less the attention is good or bad. I have yet to go out and about or to the shops without a comment.

You will become fiercely protective of your babies and the magic that is twins very quickly, now I find it very odd when I just have the one baby awake and the other is still napping! When they kiss and hug each other it is the cutest thing ever. They will have someone by their side for the first day of school etc.

The early days are very tough, I can remember sobbing when I was in the early stages of working out how to hold them/feed them at the same time as someone always seemed to be crying and it was so hard. I can remember when they were able to sit up unaided was a game changer for me in that life started to get easier. Agree with others that you simply do just have to lower your standards re the house and anything else. Also agree with seeing if there are any twin groups local to you because they are a lifesaver in meeting with others who get it. I woke them to feed them at the same time and found that helped with getting some rest. I also agree that with twins I think people are far more of the opinion that you are absolutely bossing it just getting through it every day which is handy 😜

Get a decent twin buggy and if you don't have a sling or carrier I'd definitely look into getting one. You can get twin ones but I never tried them, they look good though.

Congratulations and welcome to the twinmum club. It's a path I honestly never would have chosen for myself before I had them but now I can't imagine my life any other way and they have completed our family perfectly.

I don't have twins but have 2 under 2 and I have help. Oldest is at nursery 3 days per week and I have a mother's help for the other 2 days. We would not get out of the house if it wasn't for her!

I have friends who have employed a mat nurse/nanny who comes and lives with you for the first 6 weeks and gets a good routine going. Could you do something like that, then have help in the day and maybe a night nanny once a week.

hi op and congratulations
i had twins then a single and found myself a single parent when the twins were six See if there are any twins clubs about and maybe go while you're pregnant and ask the parents there lots of ??? and get a feel for the place

I was never in a position to be able to pay for help MN is not represenaitive of mums paying for help but if you can afford it go for it,it's tough but im not the most patient but you do have to lower your standards,always have the changing bag stocked etc and clothes ready the night before and make sure you have nappies/wipes etc downstairs as well as up lol oh and second about dress them in baby grows for months far more comfortable/easy to wash and dry and you can always leave a couple in the changing bag,i hate seeing babies in clothes when young they just look uncomftable and ill fitting

and if you're anywhere far south near Dorset i would be happy to meet up

Congratulations, It's going to be okay!

I have a similar age gap but my twins came first. As much as things will be busy and noisy and messy- its also amazing. All my girls are so close and their bond is lovely, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Practically things that helped were slings (one in the front and one on the back)
And a playpen/travel cot for the living room- safe place for the littlest to nap while your oldest plays
Only zip up baby gros- they cost more but the practicality was great- twins can be tricky to dress together especially when they learn to roll so a nice quick zip up is infinitely better than scrabbling at poppers.
Also I bought a tumble dryer- and would reccommend it if you can.

ah yes the travel cut yes had one in the lounge very handy and at the end of the day handy for throwing things in when too tired

also not sure if you have thought about nappies but i would atleast think about disaposables for the first few months as you change them alot 8 x a day and Asda do 28 newborn for 99p our wheelie bin was pretty full but worth the convenience in them first few months