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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think his request is inappropriate?

31 replies

sweaterweatherrr · 14/01/2023 13:28

I bumped into my new neighbour, I was pulling up on my driveway and he was outside.

He came over and introduced himself and then after a few pleasantries he asked if he could look around my house (semi detached so our houses are the same) to get ideas on what he could do with his.

I’m a female that lives alone and I don’t feel comfortable having a man that I don’t know in my house. I get why he asked but I feel like he shouldn’t have asked the moment he met me.

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 14/01/2023 13:29

Did you let him in? I wouldn’t have. You are not being unreasonable; I think he was creepy and inappropriate.

BrutusMcDogface · 14/01/2023 13:30

The only time this might be remotely acceptable would be if you had an extension that he wanted to think about for the future but other than that- nope.

NashvilleQueen · 14/01/2023 13:31

Is he a man on his own or does he live with a wife and children for example? You're entirely reasonable in saying no but this is a situation that I wouldn't naturally feel to be overstepping and it would depend on what he was like in asking.

VladmirsPoutine · 14/01/2023 13:31

He's smashed through all acceptable boundaries. Looking around your house for ideas is ridiculous. Tell him no, and be on your guard - there is nothing I hate more than others' attempts to break personal boundaries. This is a resolution of mine - to just say no and smile.

heldinadream · 14/01/2023 13:31

Inappropriate for sure.
Brush him off, oh it's all a mess at the moment, nice meeting you though!
Sounds like he might be an arsehole.

TheWitchesAreBackInTown · 14/01/2023 13:32

Boundaries. Get them in place pdq

oviraptor21 · 14/01/2023 13:32

No way would I have agreed to that. I wouldn't have agreed to it for a woman either.

Tabitha888 · 14/01/2023 13:32

Wow he's a joke! Defo say no

BeachesDiary · 14/01/2023 13:34

Many (most) men are oblivious to the risk assessments women have to make everyday of our lives, even on a subconscious level - where we park, where we walk the dog, who we let into our homes! At best he sounds like a typical oblivious man. I hope you declined his request.

jojojanner · 14/01/2023 13:36

No I'd be very cautious of letting someone in my home who I didn't know well.
Even if he means no harm you'd be making yourself uncomfortable so I wouldn't even consider it.
Maybe if you'd been friendly neighbours for years that's different but moments after introducing himself, not a chance.
YANBU he is.

dontleaveitthere · 14/01/2023 13:38

Hard no

What a weird thing for him to say straight off the bat. How old is he? First time moving?

Put some boundaries in asap

grayhairdontcare · 14/01/2023 13:39

"That doesn't work for me at the moment "
Is the reply

MavisMcMinty · 14/01/2023 13:40

“Christ, no! I’d have to spend a week tidying up first, and who can be arsed with that?”

ChristmasCakeAndStilton · 14/01/2023 13:40

Isn't stalking what the neighbour's have done to their house what rightmove is for?

Not a chance he'd have been coming in.

Survey99 · 14/01/2023 14:01

grayhairdontcare · 14/01/2023 13:39

"That doesn't work for me at the moment "
Is the reply

Is a terrible reply.

It says the timing is an issue, leaving him open to asking again, rather than the request is inappropriate and ridiculous.

ihaveopinions · 14/01/2023 14:03

Well, it would be helpful to keep neighbourly relations pleasant so probably best not to tell him to do one but if you come up with a feeble excuse like "it's too messy right now" he'll be asking again. "Sorry, no" is fine. If he's an arse he'll take umbrage or ask why but if he's not he'll see he's overstepped a line and leave you be.

grayhairdontcare · 14/01/2023 14:14

@Survey99 not if that's the only reply they ever get

DaughterOfPsychiatrist · 14/01/2023 14:16

I would laugh it off with a ‘Hell no! I wouldn’t even let the meter reader in these days!’ and then change the subject/disappear/shut the door.

Leave him wondering if you are messy or covid-nervy or have dead bodies in the fridge. No need to elaborate on your reason!

IneedsomeSleeppleasenow · 14/01/2023 14:20

Was your house for sale on one of the selling platforms? If so, he could have just looked there for the photos surely?!

JonSnowedUnder · 14/01/2023 14:20

I have seen loads of people on threads here suggesting to ask the same thing but from your neighbours side. Possibly a bit forward asking first time you meet but maybe he was worried he might not get an opportunity again any time soon. Better to ask in passing than just rock up and ask.

I wouldn't think it was wrong unless you said no, which you are well within your rights to, and he pressed the issue.

SandyLanez · 14/01/2023 14:22

Hardly inappropriate, a bit forward but not abnormal

in fact many on here advise doing this on the property topics

Murdoch1949 · 14/01/2023 18:24

Good god, hopefully you didn't let him in. Totally inappropriate and a big red flag against him. Do nothing more than acknowledge him from a distance, don't chat, don't give him any personal info, don't take in his parcels (he'll be on your doorstep trying to get in again).

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 14/01/2023 18:34

I really want to ask a neighbour if I can see what he's done with his kitchen/diner but I'm scared it'll be weird.

DaughterOfPsychiatrist · 14/01/2023 18:41

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 14/01/2023 18:34

I really want to ask a neighbour if I can see what he's done with his kitchen/diner but I'm scared it'll be weird.

You could ask him if he’s got any before/after photos you could look at? He might then invite you in to see for yourself?

it’s a bit different when it’s an existing neighbour that you are already familiar with anyway- I was invited in to see next door’s extension, but then I lived with the inconvenience of it being built (and they went on holiday for six weeks and thus avoided most of it themselves!)

Reclaimtheoutdoors · 14/01/2023 18:44

I’d have said no!. It doesn’t matter if he has kids or a wife as well or is single. Any man, single or unmarried poses a risk to me alone in our house together.

I used to live in South West London and a man who claims he was my neighbour popped around asking if he could access my garden via my house to rescue his Cat.
He claimed my housemates let him but he didn’t seem to know their names and I was the only one in.

I said NO. If a cat isn’t capable of getting out of a garden it shouldn’t be an outdoor cat! He looked surprised and I quickly looked the door after I shut it. Some men are so clueless and unaware, it tends to be the ones who are more privileged and aren’t used to people judging them negatively on sight.

Funny thing is I forgot to check his story with my housemates later on so to this day I have no idea if was telling the truth.

His cat must have got out of somehow because he didn’t come around again.

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