to think taking children to weight loss groups is wrong?

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

I'm posting here rather than on the weight loss boards as it seems more appropriate.

I've recently joined a weight loss group. It's one of the "big name" ones with weekly meetings. I don't want opinions of the merits of these groups, but I am concerned about one aspect.

At the first meeting I went to, there was a child present, about 9 or 10 years old. Their mum was a group member, child sat through the group and played on their iPad throughout the session. Everyone gets weighed, lots of talk about how much people have gained or lost over Christmas. Then some "motivational" words from.the group leader.

Today I went to a different group (same leader) as I couldn't make the usual one. There were more children this time, and younger - I'd say maybe 5 - 8 year olds. Again, lots of talk about sticking to the diet, importance of thinking about what you're putting in your mouth/body, lots of clapping for people who'd lost weight.

AIBU for thinking that under 18s shouldn't be allowed in these groups? I appreciate that they are not taking part as such, and it's not aimed at them, but I'm concerned that they are picking up messages around dieting and weight loss.

I know it's really difficult if people are single parents and can't afford or arrange a babysitter, but there are online options which have got to be better, surely?

Also - why are people going to slimming club when they on maternity leave? It makes me so sad. Women should take time to heal their bodies. I'm shocked that this is a thing.

How patronising can you get

I'm sure women know their own bodies and can take care of their own weight loss programmes as a result, without you feeling 'sad' for them.

Bodies are quite capable of healing whilst the owners turn their unhealthy eating habits around.

@LavenderHillMob why should it make you feel sad that I was doing something to help my body heal during my maternity leave?

My mum's constant talk of dieting and calories when I was growing up was one of the contributing factors to my anorexia. YANBU

@LavenderHillMob

“Also - why are people going to slimming club when they on maternity leave? It makes me so sad. Women should take time to heal their bodies. I'm shocked that this is a thing.“

why shouldn’t they? You don’t cease to be a person who cares what they look like and who wants to be fit just cos you’ve had a baby

If a case of bringing the kids or not going

then of course the parents should go!

so long as the kids are not disrupting others

So single parents and those whose dp's work shifts are banned from weight loss meetings??? Ridiculous, a kid playing on a tablet is fine

Because it takes your body a year to recover from pregnancy and childbirth. Gentle exercise and healthy eating for slow, steady weight loss is the best approach.

Women should give themselves - and be allowed to have - this important time to recover instead of being pushed towards unrealistic and unhealthy goals.

Joining a big name slimming group before your child is a year old is supporting the diet industry.

But they don't hear this at weight loss groups though, do they?

I haven't been to one in years thank goodness, but it was all listening to people chat about their binge/restrict cycles, what processed shite food they could have for their 'points' or 'syns' (curly wurlys and mug shots, I'm looking at you) and beating themselves up because they had a slice of cake at their best friend's wedding. The very fact that the word 'syns' is used, and kids are hearing that, says all you need to know. I don't want my kids hearing about any of that nonsense - I'm teaching mine to be healthy through exercising with them and feeding them a balanced diet.

Personally, I think it's the quickest way to give your kids a messed up relationship with food - and lets face it, not a single one of those people at those groups doesn't have some form of disordered eating.

Let's not forget that diets don't actually work, long term. These companies want to keep you coming back for more: laurathomas.substack.com/p/heres-what-happens-when-you-go-an

Yes it does take time to heal. But don't you think that the real issue is the lack.9f support? The fact that dads get 2 weeks off then their lives remain unchanged while our lives become a mix of trying to recover from child birth, taking on the running of the household because " we are at home " and somehow finding the time and energy to cook and eat healthily?

Again with the " silly women supporting diet industries when they should he spending maternity leave recovering " instead of acknowledging that maternity leave is the list unrewarding, boring, isolating, unfulfilling time of a womams life where the only thing anyone notices is what she hasn't done ( no dinner ready? Dirty top? Greasy hair? Wtf have u done all day?)

Perhaps the problem is a complete lack.of understanding and family and societal support with regards to what is really needed at this time. Not taking a child to meetings where whatever you think of them, most are there to change their habits and their lifestypesnakd health fir the better.

I also do not disagree in principle about the diet industry. Theres alot wrong with it.

But your comments are also feeding Into this notion that women somehow have to as usual solve the problem single handed and create some " acceptable " way of achieving it which is pure and devoid of any conflict of interests and commercialism etc its another burden men do not have to the same degree.

Whatwouldscullydo I don't disagree at all. It's a complex issue and I would like to see better support for women and less misogynistic messaging.

I was just surprised that WW SW etc don't dissuade post natal women from attending.

But toxic diet culture targets women in the first place - which is the whole problem! If you look at who attends WW and SW it is mostly women. They are the ones feeling the pressure to lose weight in the first place and being sold the lie that it is possible through restrictive dieting.

The problem is not - 'women shouldn't use diet clubs'. The problem is 'women shouldn't be sold toxic diet culture'.

@LavenderHillMob

some women want to get back to calorie controlled diets and exercise after birth

im sure they wise to do it in a way conducive to their recovery from birth

perhaps they need something to focus on other than their baby. After all you don’t cease to exist as a person when you become a mum!

YANBU. They will be listening and picking up the idea that losing weight is good and the more is lost the better. Obviously the adults know that the context is being fat and if you are fat then weight loss is good. But the children aren’t hearing that underweight is bad too, they’re hust hearing ‘thinner = better’

Pkhs its unfairnon thenother grown uos. It’s not a kids group!!

I already know a (stunningly beautiful and slim) 9 yr old who weights herself daily and mourns that she’s ‘fat’ this idea is coming from somewhere.

If you think the messages given at the group are so harmful children shouldn't hear them, then really you shouldn't be supporting them yourself. There are adults who are vulnerable to the 'wrong' messages about weight too, so either the ethos of this group is acceptable, or its damaging. If I thought the latter, they wouldn't be getting my money.

Diet groups are pretty toxic and I wouldn’t have my kids exposed to that.

However if you believe in the methods of SW/WW and the like, I don’t understand why you’d have an issue with it.

My Mum dragged me to weight watchers lots of times as a child. I didn’t have the luxury of an iPad so had to listen to the endless drivel and I honestly couldn’t wrap my head around it. I feel the same way now. My Mum used to count points and berate herself endlessly if she maintained or gained one week. She would sit there in the car afterwards dissecting exactly why she had gained 1-2 lbs that week and how she could improve the following week. Bought all the crap they sold there too, even had WW scales to weigh her vegetables and cheese…

I found the whole thing utterly ridiculous then and still do now. It doesn’t work long term. People want a short term fix and turn to stupid diet plans rather than just exercising more and eating less. I still eat junk food but I’m a healthy weight because I exercise a lot. It doesn’t need to be so disordered.

@LavenderHillMob have you been to one of these groups?

Slow steady weight loss WAS what I was doing. The group I was in was approved for breastfeeding and it wasn't a starvation diet. I needed a bit of help to adjust my eating habits. I needed a bit of help to get rid of the weight I'd put on because I had a very sedentary pregnancy (thank you bleeding)

I also combined this with lots of nice gentle walking, post natal yoga, gentle exercise at the gym.

Stop telling other women what to do with their bodies.

It's none of your business.

For those of you who think it's good for children to learn about healthy eating, I completely agree. But the meeting I was in today didn't focus on healthy eating at all. The leader talked about how many "syns" there were in a bag of popcorn and suggested that we take Cheerios to the cinema instead as they had less syns.

There was also a push to buy what looked like disgusting and highly processed ready-meals with the firms branding to keep in the freezer so you weren't tempted to order a takeaway if you were hungry.

To be honest, the ethos of the group isn't really me, but that's not why I posted. I'm specifically interested in how others view young children hearing these messages.

I'm specifically interested in how others view young children hearing these messages.

Kids hear all sorts of messages everywhere in life. It's up to the parents to discuss and help them process etc.

It's really no different to watching parents/grandparents constantly yo-yo dieting, or binge eating to a ridiculous excess at Christmas etc.

Kids can't be shielded from everything, which is why communication is important.

‘Won’t someone think of the children!!!’

Put your pearls down op and give your head a wobble

So, basically you don't agree with Weight Watchers in general.

I agree it's an awful group with an awful ethos but that's totally separate to some parents having no childcare and needing to bring their children along.

I think if you're following the diet yourself counting 'syns' and such like it will be very difficult to shield your children from it anyway. And I think that's true of any parent who is involved in any aspect of diet culture.
My friends and I were well aware from a young age that women needed to be slim and if they weren't they'd failed and looked awful. That the 'weekly weigh' was a source of fear and the aftermath would bring either a good mood and treat food, or a bad mood and salad.
My adult DC picked up similar messages watching me stand in front of the mirror bemoaning how fat I was and starting new diets every Monday.
Unless you're going to completely get off the diet bandwagon and focus on healthy eating in appropriate portions for the whole family, without all the language and faffery about 'dieting' I'm not sure that going to the class and hearing a stranger go on about it is any more harmful to children, given their main influence is likely you.