to think taking children to weight loss groups is wrong?

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

I'm posting here rather than on the weight loss boards as it seems more appropriate.

I've recently joined a weight loss group. It's one of the "big name" ones with weekly meetings. I don't want opinions of the merits of these groups, but I am concerned about one aspect.

At the first meeting I went to, there was a child present, about 9 or 10 years old. Their mum was a group member, child sat through the group and played on their iPad throughout the session. Everyone gets weighed, lots of talk about how much people have gained or lost over Christmas. Then some "motivational" words from.the group leader.

Today I went to a different group (same leader) as I couldn't make the usual one. There were more children this time, and younger - I'd say maybe 5 - 8 year olds. Again, lots of talk about sticking to the diet, importance of thinking about what you're putting in your mouth/body, lots of clapping for people who'd lost weight.

AIBU for thinking that under 18s shouldn't be allowed in these groups? I appreciate that they are not taking part as such, and it's not aimed at them, but I'm concerned that they are picking up messages around dieting and weight loss.

I know it's really difficult if people are single parents and can't afford or arrange a babysitter, but there are online options which have got to be better, surely?

I used to go to slimming world with my mum. It was fine. I'm a healthy BMI as an adult and have no issues with food. I don't see it as a problem.

You have to remember as well, children of overweight parents are far more likely to be overweight than children of non overweight parents.

Therefore, as long as the groups are focusing on healthy eating and exercise, it could be a good thing for the child to see.

I see no harm in kids been there and hearing about weight loss and healthy eating.
When I used to go through the groups I explained where and why I was going. I was truthful that I was fat, unhealthy and it was getting me down. I've also explained that everyone is different, some people are fat and happy or medically over weight.

I'm not sure why people are against kids knowing this?
The big group I attended allows weight loss targets to be set by the customer rather then be set by them like it used to. Even these places are realising we don't all fit in a box.

Do you think children are blind? They can see the context.......

I would be curious to know the predominant demographics at these groups. Do we see equal numbers of the men trying to juggle helping themselves with children in tow and having to bring them to these groups or trying to find gyms with a creche so they can exercise?

This all seems another way on which predominantly women are shamed or made to feel bad for doing something. Do we really need to make life any harder. Surely the issue is more that perhaps the dad can't or won't take the kids so mum can attend alone . Or maybe he's down the gym child free after work most nights without a care in the world while mum gets blasted fir having to take her kids everywhere

@Whatwouldscullydo interesting question. I can only answer for myself on this.

I went to meetings while on maternity leave. DH was working so they came with me. The after work meeting time was a bit fine for DH coming home to take over the kids.

With gym, I'd go in the evening when DH was home. He prefers to exercise at home. It wasn't ideal for me as most evenings I'm knackered.

Now the kids are in school I go when they are there and cover for DH when he goes.

With obesity rates in children soaring, I don't actually think this is a bad thing. If a huge percentage were underweight then maybe, but, let's be honest, that really isn't the case.

I think it’s awful. I never ever diet or talk about weight in anyway whatsoever. Just show her healthy eating & having treats as part of normal life. There’s enough problems for teens these days with having food issues.

Someone I know was constantly dieting then putting lots of weight in, never stopped obsessing & now her DD has had numerous issues with food.

Just show her healthy eating & having treats as part of normal life.

Like showing her smoking is bad while hanging a fag out of your mouth?

Parents need to model healthy eating and exercise, not just repeat it over and over in the hope their kids won't become like them.

Looking at the child obesity statistics, that really doesn't work.

When my now 16 yr old was small if I'd have wanted to attend anything I'd have had to take her. XP spent a good few months if not a couple of years leaving me home alone with the child while he was out with work mates.

I also worked 3 sometimes 4 evenings a week to fit around his job. The evenings I didn't work would be taken up with swimming lessons amd on Saturdays he would Do his hobby once again leaving me to deal with the kids.

I basically had to take then anywhere and everywhere most the time. My drs appointments, eye brow appointments, parents meetings. I've only recently joined a gym now that my youngest is old enough to leave home alone.

I've lost count of how many looks and/or comments I've had when my youngest was a baby/toddler because I've had to drag her our when she clearly didn't want to go or I'm up and down keeping her busy or stopping her from being a pain to others. No one ever said " shouldn't her dad have her" in fact one night out and everyone things how wonderful it is the man's " baby sitting "

I'm.sure anyone doing this stuff would love to attend on their own. I dont understand why everything is met with judgement. Its as if we want to set people ( mainly women) up to fail all the time.

Yes, that’s what I meant? I do model healthy eating, that was my point.

YABU

If they're behaved and not a distraction I'm on the fence. I don't think they'll be taking it in as much as you think.

Yanbu, it will definitely be sowing the seeds for an ED is some children.

It's not appropriate, I'm quite shocked it's allowed tbh.

I had an eating disorder as a teen and I think this is a really bad idea. My mum was overweight and constantly on diets. I'm absolutely sure that hearing her talk about dieting/losing weight a lot contributed to my eating disorder.

YABU, I take both of my children to slimming world with me.
It is more harmful to them to eat the shit I eat when I'm not trying to be healthier.

We're talking at cross purposes then because I'm talking about overweight parents.

Simply telling kids not to end up like them doesn't cut it, or there wouldn't be so many overweight kids with overweight parents.

Absolutely agree. This was the point of my reply. I never talk about food, ever & I’ve had to have a word with my ex as he’s constantly telling my DD he’s on a diet. He shows her extremes of eating 6 bags of crisps/burgers fries, puts weight on then diets to the extreme.

I just show her in that I eat healthy (for being healthy) & I also have treats. I’m doing so, I maintain a healthy weight, therefore dieting isn’t necessary.

ALL my friends are constantly talking about diets in front of her.

*in doing so

Maybe not, but some attendees of these groups have their self-esteem tied up inextricably with their weight, and it seems impossible that kids aren't going to absorb this to an extent, if only by hearing how some people who are unhappy with their weight put themselves down all the time.

Yanbu

I attend one of these groups not because I enjoy it but because I have found that sadly I need it in order to lose and maintain weight loss.

my DC are healthy weight emphatically NOT because I am (genetics here is doing them no favours on either side) but because I control what they eat (in a sensible not batshit way) and I teach them about healthy eating of course (although it’s mainly the food on their plates making the difference…).

if I could teach myself the same lessons and ‘start from scratch’ again I wouldn’t go to the group. But clearly I can’t so I go. I know the flaws with the programmes and the limitations of the groups and the statistics for success… but I have to go as it helps me.

I wouldn’t introduce a healthy weight adult to it all so I certainly don’t want to introduce my kids.

Thanks to all of you have replied. I can see that there are different perspectives. My view is probably coloured by the fact that a very close friend's daughter developed anorexia in her teens and is currently in hospital again with it.

I certainly agree that obesity is an issue for society. I'm just worried about the message being absorbed wrongly by the children there. None of whom looked remotely overweight, and they weren't there as junior members.

Well hopefully the message being absorbed is that if you regularly overeat and don't do enough exercise, you will become overweight and may well find yourself there in the future.

I wish parents in the 80s had given the knowledge to us, that the parents bringing along their children are giving to them!

I applaud them, and you should too. Hopefully those kids are not going to end up with their own memberships. Obesity kills, and childhood obesity, ruins childhoods. So whatever you're worried about OP, I can tell you wholeheartedly, with painful personal experience, that no exposure, or knowledge of this growing up is far worse.

I don't think it's great. I accept the issues single parents have, but it would be possible to attend the weigh in and then leave.

The real issue of course is that big name companies exist to make money, not to help people eat healthily. Permitting children to attend probably helps their bottom line.

The ideal would be to normalise healthy eating & exercise for children instead of letting them grow up believing that attending a slimming club is normal.

Also - why are people going to slimming club when they on maternity leave? It makes me so sad. Women should take time to heal their bodies. I'm shocked that this is a thing.