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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a little off

73 replies

mrsmacn · 13/01/2023 20:10

3 of my close friends went on a holiday last year. I couldn't go as I couldn't get my child looked after for the 5 nights.

Was talking to said friends a few weeks back about a holiday for this year and it was agreed it would only be for 3 or 4 nights so that I could go this time.

This afternoon I get a call from one of the friends to say that her and one of the others had seen very cheap flights abroad and had booked them, other friend was going to book shortly and she gave me flight details so I could book.

I've just checked the dates and my child's birthday is slap bang in the middle of the holiday.

I obviously won't be going now due to this but AIBU in thinking dates should have been discussed and agreed first? I wasn't expecting anyone to be booking flights until this had been done!

OP posts:

Hibye23289 · 13/01/2023 21:39

Yeah that is shitty OP

Original poster

mrsmacn · 13/01/2023 21:39

@LimeCheesecake Yes that's pretty much what happened!

They all have kids but much older than mine.

OP posts:

LoveBluey · 13/01/2023 21:41

That's crappy of them to not check. Could have been all sorts of reasons the date wouldn't work.
I'd never in a million years go on a holiday and leave my child on their birthday either.

Crazycrazylady · 13/01/2023 21:42

I don't blame you for being disappointed op. It does sound thoughtless rather than vindictive though if that is any consolation. One or two of them saw a cheap deal, got all excited and booked it and contacted other two to say book not considering for a second that other people have different commitments ..

Nicecow · 13/01/2023 21:44

Crazycrazylady · 13/01/2023 21:42

I think this, don't jump to the worst conclusion. I'd be annoyed too

MsSquiz · 13/01/2023 21:47

Did you not ask what dates the flights were for, before you sent your details?

takeasadsongandmakeitbetter · 13/01/2023 21:50

That's awful. I'd be upset too, it's so horrible to not be consulted on the dates. Makes you feel less important. You have my sympathy x

StClare101 · 13/01/2023 21:55

What they are telling you is that they don’t really care if you go or not.

Get better friends.

rwalker · 13/01/2023 22:11

mrsmacn · 13/01/2023 21:05

@Barnybrown They're non refundable flights unfortunately.

Depends how much u fuss you make of birthdays
some treat them like a second coming other it’s just a day but cards a cake and presents

Puffalicious · 13/01/2023 22:14

I'm sorry, but 2 ridiculous posters suggesting you still go and celebrate another day! WTF? I've no idea what kind of parent would opt to do this. OP's child will be 8, not 2 (when they'd have no idea) or 17 (when they might not be that bothered). In fact, no matter what age my child was I'd never choose to be away from home. What a shitty, selfish thing to suggest. My DS1 will be 19 this year and will be in the US for his birthday- I know I'll be upset even then not seeing him. MN really is some place.

Thon · 13/01/2023 22:29

agree @Puffalicious 🫤

SirB0bby · 13/01/2023 22:33

I go on holiday with 3 of my friends every year. We always discuss dates beforehand because it's important to all of us that we can all make. I think it's odd that dates weren't checked first and I'd be upset with that too. Sorry op.

Original poster

mrsmacn · 14/01/2023 09:13

@Puffalicious Yes I definitely won't be going away over DC's birthday!

OP posts:

Happin · 14/01/2023 09:21

mrsmacn · 13/01/2023 20:46

@Happin This is in place of the one we have all discussed.

They are awful friends. A good friend would mention the good deal and ask the question about dates before booking, its not hard to drop a quick text.

WandaWonder · 14/01/2023 09:23

I would make a big fuss of my child before and after the holiday and go

It is not a serious surgery you would be missing

Aprilx · 14/01/2023 09:31

It is odd that they booked without confirming dates, surely some or all of you would need to book time off work for a start. Anyway I also definitely don’t think it was vindictive or even deliberate, but it does seem to show that your attendance is optional for them, sadly.

Zanatdy · 14/01/2023 09:34

Well I’d certainly throw some dates out there and get everyone to agree dates before booking. Of course you can’t go now. I’m sure that there would have been other reasonable flight prices if they’d have waited and checked dates with everyone. I’d be upset too OP

Coffeecreme · 14/01/2023 17:13

who would be celebrating with your dd?

LivingDeadGirlUK · 14/01/2023 17:16

I'd go for a few days instead and come back for the birthday, we used to do this all the time on trips with people there for different amounts of time.

spinachmonster · 14/01/2023 21:18

This isn't great. I hope you find some new friends who are a bit more more thoughtful and supportive

LimeCheesecake · 15/01/2023 11:02

At best - they would like the OP to go along but getting a bargain was more important than checking she could make it, so she’s a “nice to have, not essential” part of the group. Realising you are a “B list” friend to people you have on your “A list” is tough.

honeylulu · 15/01/2023 11:45

Yes what crap friends/behaviour! Two of them had obviously discussed and agreed. Then consulted the third who also agreed before even mentioning to you.

There is a very strong message of "oh you can tag along if you want but we're not really bothered".

Original poster

mrsmacn · 15/01/2023 14:12

I did actually meet up with 2 of them yesterday so I brought up the fact it had been booked without checking dates and also over DC's birthday. The only response I got was 'Oh that's a shame you can't come!'.

OP posts:

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