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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a little off

73 replies

mrsmacn · 13/01/2023 20:10

3 of my close friends went on a holiday last year. I couldn't go as I couldn't get my child looked after for the 5 nights.

Was talking to said friends a few weeks back about a holiday for this year and it was agreed it would only be for 3 or 4 nights so that I could go this time.

This afternoon I get a call from one of the friends to say that her and one of the others had seen very cheap flights abroad and had booked them, other friend was going to book shortly and she gave me flight details so I could book.

I've just checked the dates and my child's birthday is slap bang in the middle of the holiday.

I obviously won't be going now due to this but AIBU in thinking dates should have been discussed and agreed first? I wasn't expecting anyone to be booking flights until this had been done!

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsmacn · 13/01/2023 20:46

@Happin This is in place of the one we have all discussed.

OP posts:
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 13/01/2023 20:47

Thon · 13/01/2023 20:34

Because it means she can’t go with them, again.

I don’t understand why people aren’t getting this. It’s thoughtless behaviour from these so-called friends

Show quote history

Sorry, I still don’t understand, my friends and I organise all sorts of stuff over a WhatsApp chat, we all have different lives, family, groups of friends, work etc, if anyone can’t make the event that’s a shame, it can’t be helped, see you next time.

cigarettesNalcohol · 13/01/2023 20:48

Yanbu! That's so bad of them, definitely should have spoken about dates before hand. Very selfish of them. They clearly aren't bothered about you being there or not... sorry op, that's a bit shitty of them

cigarettesNalcohol · 13/01/2023 20:51

Feel like people are misunderstanding - op wasn't expecting them to not go because it's her child's birthday... but they had spoken beforehand about all going away together so the normal thing to do would have been to set up a group chat and everyone suggest dates and picks one that works for everyone, and then book flights separately... where's the empathy and kindness ? That's really shitty and not how you treat a friend who supposedly you wanted to go on holiday with.

cigarettesNalcohol · 13/01/2023 20:54

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 13/01/2023 20:43

I don't think it matters whether they knew it was DCs b'day or not. It could be anything, a hospital appointment or a work thing that can't be missed/can't get leave approved.

To me, the point is this was supposed to be a holiday organised so OP could go (shorter duration) and they didn't bother to check if OP was available before booking the flights.

I can understand why OP is upset, I would be too.

Exactly this. Could be a child's birthday, a work commitment, anything... surely it's basic courtesy to check before

Original poster
mrsmacn · 13/01/2023 20:54

We had loosely discussed dates and although nothing was decided we agreed a certain date could definitely be a possibility for everyone. This date they have booked is a month later.

OP posts:
Barnybrown · 13/01/2023 20:56

They just won’t have realised - they probably just got excited and booked without thinking. Can the dates be moved ?

LonginesPrime · 13/01/2023 21:02

At best, they care more about the cheap flights than about whether you're able to go with them.

Tells you everything you need to know, really. I certainly wouldn't be moving mountains to be able to attend future holidays with them as your presence is immaterial to them.

Original poster
mrsmacn · 13/01/2023 21:05

@Barnybrown They're non refundable flights unfortunately.

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 13/01/2023 21:07

What was thier reaction when you said it was your child's birthday?

NameChagaiiiin · 13/01/2023 21:09

Worrying the amount of people suggesting OP misses her child's birthday for a cheap few nights away....

Unless the child is 16+ that's a shitty thing to do

Thinkbiglittleone · 13/01/2023 21:17

OP how old is your child?
I do think I would be disappointed and probably quite hurt that the girls had arranged another holiday that I can't go on, despite this being specifically mentioned to sort out for me to attend,

I'm assuming they know it's your child's birthday if you are close friends so I would wonder how much they considered me,

Original poster
mrsmacn · 13/01/2023 21:19

@Thinkbiglittleone They'll be 8.

OP posts:
Thinkbiglittleone · 13/01/2023 21:20

@mrsmacn what was there response when you reminded then of your daughters birthday ?

trampoline123 · 13/01/2023 21:21

I think it's off even if they didn't know it was your kids birthday. You generally agree a date first IMO

Original poster
mrsmacn · 13/01/2023 21:21

@Thinkbiglittleone I've only just checked the dates so I've sent a message saying about DC's birthday but no response yet.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 13/01/2023 21:24

Thon · 13/01/2023 20:31

Would you leave your child on her/his birthday to go on holiday with your mates? Are you a mother?

Show quote history

Yes and yes. Birthdays were celebrated on the day or the nearest weekend depending on what else was going on. OPs partner can take responsibility for the day surely? I think OP is being very precious, she could have taken responsibility for finding a good deal for the dates she preferred rather than leaving it to others.

Barnybrown · 13/01/2023 21:27

I wouldn’t leave my child on their 8th birthday so completely understand why you can’t go.

Can you investigate yourself whether it’s possible to change or cancel and find a similar deal on a date you can all do ? I would give them the benefit of the doubt - I love my best friends but don’t always remember all their children’s birthdays. I really hope it can be sorted OP - I think if I were you I would try to look for a solution myself rather than just messaging them about it. Good luck !

FortyFacedFuckers · 13/01/2023 21:27

Op do your friends have form for stuff like this? I can't ever imagine going ahead & but booking a holiday with out checking with everyone that was going, even if it wasn't DC's birthday there could be any number of reasons why those particular dates don't suit, to me it screams of them not actually caring if you go or not (sorry)

FontSnob · 13/01/2023 21:27

Totally off not to discuss the date before booking!

Original poster
mrsmacn · 13/01/2023 21:28

@RedHelenB I don't have a partner.

I also didn't leave others to look for dates, we literally only spoke about this for the first time a couple of weeks ago, the plan was to start looking once we had definitely agreed a date.

OP posts:
MooFroo · 13/01/2023 21:30

I’d just booked a cheap break and then realised it was a few days before a family wedding and I’d need to be around to help so will be changing the dates. Luckily won’t cost too much more but next available dates are a few months away 😫

really shitty of them to not have shared the deal and check dates with everyone first so I’d raise that with them - they may be able and willing to change if you explain why you can’t go?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/01/2023 21:32

They’re probably more bothered about getting a good deal than exactly who goes from the group. Sorry Op. I would start investing your time in other people.

LimeCheesecake · 13/01/2023 21:33

So you’d all provisionally agreed a date, the.Lyn someone found dates a month before/after that - contacted some of the others and said “can you do x?” They said yes and all booked, then contacted you to say “this is when we are going you need to book” - have I got that right?

I think it’s obvious that they don’t view you as a key person to be there. I’m sorry that’s going to be hard to realise.

id be pulling back from this group a bit. Are you the only parent?

Whatsfordinnerglutenfree · 13/01/2023 21:38

Depending on how old the child is, they won’t have a clue when their birthday is. When one of my DC had an inconvenient birthday, we kept silent on the day and had a proper celebration at the next opportunity the following week.