Tell a lie or not

[Cherrylou93]

Sisters 40th is coming up and there’s a male stripper show in town. I’ve never been before but can imagine it’s a laugh. There’s a group going; now not sure whether to pretend to my partner that we ended up there by accident or tell him that’s the plan as it’s her birthday. He’s not going to want me to go but I’m an adult and can do what I like. I’m happy in my relationship but don’t want to not go. Opinions please ?

I thought the same thing!!!

I wouldn't lie. I always treat others how i like to be treated but then again I wouldn't want to go and see a male stripper anyway. Your choice op.

@ChiefWiggumsBoy You CAN pay for private dances but you don't have to and many people don't.

So therefore OP watching Men strip on stage for her titillation is the same as a Man watching Women strip on stage for his titillation.

Both as grim as each other.

Cos it's her sister's 40th!

Just go ffs. I wouldn't mention it.

If you have to hide it from your partner, you probably shouldn't be doing it.

Your relationship might be different but I wouldn't find it okay for my DH to go to a strip show and wouldn't go to one myself. Even without a DH, I wouldn't go. I object to the objectification of men as much as women. I just find it gross. I know others feel very differently.

Yes, I'm boring.

What if it was important to your sister?!

I'm not going to a strip show for anyone.

😂 I think strip shows are cringe!! But I would go if it was a family member's birthday. Especially a special birthday.

I am not prudish or anything but I just don't like strippers

I totally think your partner is ridiculous

No-one I know has ever and would never be into it, so it's never come up. I don't think my sister would bother asking me anyway. She knows me better than that.

Maybe if we were sitting at the back, having a meal and I could ignore the show. I'm really not the best company for this sort of thing anyway. I'm not a cheer, shout and jump up and down type. I'm afraid I'd be disappointing company at this kind of thing.

Ive never been to one either. I'd probably have some shots and try to block it out 😂

If you're going regardless, I'd just be up front and say you're going and it'a not up for discussion. I certainly wouldn't be lying about it because I'd hate to be lied to myself. I'd rather not like the truth than be lied to.

Semantics.

If my partner went to a show like this with women, i'd feel betrayed/cheated on. He knows from day 1 of our relationship how i feel about strip clubs/lap dances etc and that its a firm boundary for me. If he did it anyway, i'd leave him. I'd feel extra hurt if it were planned in advance and he'd deliberately lied to me and chosen to go, rather than just "end up there" with the group. If he were out in a group and the group decided hey, lets go to a strip club etc, i'd expect him to decline and not "go with the flow" etc. Of course i would not do the equivalent to him either. YABVU and disrespectful to your partner to go.

Have to agree with this slightly. While it's sweet that your partner wants you all to yourself, what does he think you're going to do?? Does he think you are not going to be able to control yourself? Fling yourself on stage?? Throw your knickers at him????!!

The real problem here is lying to OP's husband though. Once lies start to be part of the relationship, it's not a good thing. If I ever did go to such a thing (I've learned to never say never, but I don't see it happening), it would be with the full knowledge of my DH and only if he was comfortable with it.

You need to sort this. It’s not normal behaviour for a grown man. A 17 year old maybe

For me, I'd rationalize it like this - I wouldn't be happy for my DH to go to a strip club with the lads, apart from being seedy and weird to me, it's disrespectful to sit and watch ladies get almost naked.... So, I wouldn't go to a male strip show myself as I'd not want DH to feel like that and wouldn't show him that level of disrespect 🤷‍♀️

Regardless of how you'd feel about him seeing a strip show though, you've to take into consideration his feelings. Relationships are about compromise as I'm sure you well know OP and if you go, or worse, go then lie about it and he finds out, I'd expect that to lead to your relationship being irreplaceably damaged

I agree in theory but I just don't see how it's going to work. Maybe white lies/lies of omission are appropriate in a case like this.

"Honey, for my sister's 40th there's going to be a male stripper but don't worry I'm going to sit at the back and not look". Which she could do tbf 😂 but I feel like that wouldn't be good enough and he still woildn't want her to go.

Not many people have mentioned your sister's feelings in this OP, would she be upset if you didn't go?

Values will differ but if my DH lied about going to a strip show, I'd see it as more than a white lie. Strip shows are not something we do. For you it's a white lie. You and your DH might be more relaxed about this sort of thing than other couples.

If the sister chooses to do something like a strip show, I don't think she can be upset if people's values don't allow them to go. Disappointed yes, but not upset that something like this isn't everyone's cup of tea.

I agree about the lie. That’s not a good idea… If I decide to go (because it’s my sisters birthday) then I will tell him straight up and deal with the fireworks

my sister wants me to come along because it’s her 40th. I’ve had another convo with her and she respects my decision whatever it will be.

Any males with a perspective on here lol

I don't think it's ever a good idea to lie to your partner. Even if they'll be pissed off with the truth. I'm going away with some friends to see Thunder from down under soon. Can't bloody wait. I've been very open with Dh about it.

I would go but tell him.

It is not the same as a strip club.

If it's magic Mike or something like that they are professional dancers I think? Probably have agents and stuff? Same routine every night?

On for what 90 mins and then that's it everyone goes home.

A female strip club is different from what I have heard and read about on here.